Page 4

The smell is as Cressida had described… putrid. It's old and musty, and there's just something that makes me want to hold my breath in disgust.

I move around and I feel some type of material, as well as what I imagine to be bone.

Human bone!

Out of all the things they've done to me over the years, this has to be the most extreme.

Panic takes hold of me as I start imagining being forever locked in this coffin.

What if they take their prank to the extreme? What if they think that no one is going to miss me, so they just… forget me here?

It wouldn't be the first time someone's just vanished from Sacre Coeur and no one had batted an eye.

There was Delilah, who'd only been here a year, and there were also the twins, Kat and Kris, who'd both disappeared at the same time.

And no one had brought them up ever again.

It was like they never existed in the first place.

And soon that will be me too.

The more I think of my bleak future, the more I realize I'm not ready to die. Not now or anytime soon.

I haven't even lived.

Clenching my hands into fists, I press them against the top of the coffin, punching, scratching, hitting—everything while hoping the heavy thing might budge.

But it doesn't.

I kick at it with my feet, using all the strength I can muster.

Nothing.

Somehow, the thought that I'll die here, and on my birthday, nonetheless, makes me want to fight.

I may have nothing to fight for, but at least I have myself. And maybe no one else loves me, but I do.

And I want to live.

I want to keep on going, because maybe, one day, my wish will come true.

Knowing I can't give up, I continue to kick at the top until exhaustion claims me and I drop back, my limbs sapped of strength, but my resolve still made of steel.

Because I can.

She's been tormenting me for years because she could. She was right about that.

Because I let her.

Now, as I sit in the darkness of this enclosed space, some clarity makes its way into my mind. Beyond the fear, beyond the panic that I might never see sunlight again, and that I might die next to a pile of old bones, there's a sudden realization.

I let her walk all over me.

Time and time again she'd insulted, hit, and punished me. Just because she could.

And me? For all my avowal of innocence, I'd been a willing participant. Because I'd allowed everything to happen.

I'd let them curse me out, hit me until my skin scarred, and torment me until the nightmares kept me awake at night.

How did I not see this before?

I'd been so busy feeling sorry for myself, and crying about my wretched state, that I hadn't stopped for a minute to wonder why I let it happen.

You didn't think you deserve more.

That's probably the most I'm willing to admit to myself, the truth opening me raw inside and making me glance at my own reflection.

I'd been so wrapped up in trying to be good, trying to go unnoticed by pleasing everyone, that I'd never once fought back.

And for the first time, I vow that if I make it out alive, I'm going to change.

I may not be able to control how others behave, but I can ensure that I'll never be seen as a weakling again.

Why be good when people are bad?

Why indeed.

All my life I'd tried to show people that I'm more than the mark on my face. That I'm not actually cursed. But no one's ever tried to see beyond my physical imperfections.

I'd been branded the devil's child from the very beginning, so I'd done my best to show everyone that I was good.

And for what?

Hours pass, and the coffin gets colder and colder. I try to ignore the thought that I'm sitting on top of someone's old bones, or the simple fact that I'm sharing a tiny place with a dead person.

I hone in on one thing—my growing resolve.

I'm done being everyone's punching bag, just like I'm done with being unwanted.

If they don't want me, then so be it. I won't want them either.

Abandon me once, shame on you. Abandon me twice… shame on me.

But next time, there won't be a twice.

If there is a next time.

A rooster's morning call alerts me to the passage of time. My teeth clattering, my limbs stiff with cold, I'm barely aware of how long I've been in here.

There are a few crevices within the coffin that allow for some light, and I soak it all up, foolishly thinking it might warm my body.

I'm in and out of conscience after some time. Hunger and thirst are gnawing at me and I already resigned myself to never making it out of here.

"I wish…" I try to wet my already chapped lips with my tongue, my only thought to keep myself awake. "I wish," I start again, thinking about my birthday wish.

Maybe in another life…

"She's coming to. We may need to keep her…"

"Keep her? Here? No! I'm taking her with me," a voice gets increasingly heated.

I move a little, finding it hard to get my limbs to react. I feel the muscles of my face, stiff and sore, and I try to open my eyes.

"Sisi," Lina rushes to my side. "Good Lord, what happened to you," she whispers, tears in her eyes.

Her hands are all over my face, my body, her touch tender and affectionate.

"Lina," I croak, finding it hard to speak.

"No, don't talk. I got you," she says, her warm hands caressing my hair.

"Catalina, I'm not sure…"

"Sister Maria, Sisi is my friend, and I can take care of her. She's coming back with me." Lina's voice has a confident quality to it I'd never heard before.

I try to raise myself up, but she's quickly back at my side, taking me in her arms and hugging me to her chest.

"Lord, Sisi, what happened?"

"I'm fine," I manage to get out, although I'm not sure how long I was in that coffin.

"How did you…" I trail off, my strength limited.

"The sisters on gardening duty heard you scream. I can't believe you were locked in there… Sisi." She shakes her head at me, worry in her gaze.

"I'm fine. It was just a game," I lie, because I've learned my lesson when it comes to telling on the other girls.

No. No one can help me but myself.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

"A game? But…"

"Can we go back?" I ask, hoping she'll drop the subject. I don't want her to know what has happened to me, just as much as I don't want her to know what I will do from now on.

I've tasted enough human cruelty to last me a lifetime.

It's time I gave some back.