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She blinks fast, trying to process everything. For a second I'm afraid she's going to take this the wrong way, that I'm only with her because of that.

"Go on," she says hesitantly.

"She's gone now. For good," I assure her, recounting my trip to Peru, my one last attempt to get myself under control.

Her eyes widen as I tell her what I'd been up to in the last few months, and how under El Viejo 's tutelage I'd managed to unlock a deep part of myself.

I also share that my little blood ritual has been quite helpful in helping me overcome my crises.

When she doesn't speak, merely regarding me quietly, I feel compelled to placate her.

"Please don't think that I'm with you because of that.

Is that why I sought you out initially? Yes," I admit, inwardly wincing at my own words, "but that's not why I stuck around.

That's not why I'm here. I love you, hell girl, and before you, I never thought to get better.

I was fine just living in between episodes. "

Sisi nods thoughtfully.

"Why did you stop seeing her?" she eventually asks.

I close my eyes, dreading what comes next.

"Because I started to remember what happened during my time with Miles," I start, and I tell her everything I'd remembered so far–everything that had happened to Vanya and me, but also what I'd done in order to get into Miles' good graces.

The details are gruesome, and her face scrunches up in horror as she listens to me. I don't sugarcoat anything as I tell her about the visits from the guards, or even Miles' own depraved proclivities.

"Good Lord," Sisi whispers, her hand coming up to cup my cheek.

"Is this what you were afraid to tell me?

God, Vlad. Why? Why would you think I'd judge you for something like that?

My heart weeps for what you and your sister went through.

And none of it was your fault." She lays her forehead on top of mine. "None," she repeats.

"I still don't know the whole extent of it. But I have a feeling something Miles did to me damaged me completely," I confess. "He was trying to build the perfect soldier. And in a way, he did succeed…"

"He didn't," she interrupts me. "He banked on you having no feelings, Vlad. Maybe you are fearless when it comes to death, and remorseless when it comes to killing. But he didn't take into account your capacity for love." She prompts me to look into her eyes, so clear and sparkling with warmth.

"Sisi… please don't make me into something I'm not," I tell her, knowing my own–rather unfortunate–limitations.

"No, you listen to me Vlad. I heard everything you told me.

And you know what I see?" she asks, her tone serious and I shake my head, almost absentmindedly.

"I see a loving brother who'd do anything for his sister.

I see a loyal man who's dedicated his entire life to find and avenge his sisters.

A lonely man who sought refuge in the memory of the one person who was dearest to him.

" She purses her lips. "And a fierce man who'd fight even himself to be with the one he loves. "

She pauses, and I can hear her heartbeats, as well as mine. The room is entirely silent except for those small thump sounds that seem to increase in speed with every passing second.

"I see a man with an unlimited capacity for love.

Maybe you lack other feelings, Vlad. But I think you make up for it in other ways.

" Her hand settles over my heart. "Your ability to love is the type people write sonnets, myths and fairytales about.

The all-encompassing type." Her lips tug up in a smile.

"And I feel immensely blessed that I' m the one you chose to give your love to. "

"Fuck Sisi. I…" She places a finger on my lips, silencing me.

"I see you , Vlad—with the good and the bad.

I see the real you. The killer, the animal, the lover.

" Her hand drops to my chest, and she draws little circles over my heart.

"And I love every one of your facets. For me you're just you.

" She takes a deep breath. "From now on, don't shut me out again for fear I might think less of you, because that will never happen. "

"Damn, Sisi, what did I ever do to deserve you?" I wrap my arms around her shoulders, drawing her in my embrace. "You're one of a kind, hell girl. My one of a kind," I speak against her hair.

We stay like that for what seems like forever, wrapped in each other, blood clinging to our bodies, hearts beating in unison.

I should have realized that my Sisi would be nothing but understanding. And yet, I'd been scared to tell her everything, always thinking that she'd realize her mistake and decide to leave me. Yet somehow, with just a few words she's managed to quench all of that fear.

I need to trust her.

My brave Sisi has the strength of a thousand men. Of course she wouldn't balk at anything.

I tighten my grip around her body, my entire being suffused with love for her.

"I killed someone," Sisi suddenly speaks.