Page 68 of His Elder

"President Dalton is expecting you," she said quietly. "Go on in, dear.”

I knocked on his door. Heard his voice call, "Come in."

President Dalton sat behind his desk, hands folded, expression carefully neutral. He looked older than I remembered—tired lines around his eyes, grey threading his temples.

"Sit down, Elder Price."

I sat.

"Elder Kempton called," he said. "Told me about district meeting. And that you left without permission afterward."

"Yes."

"Where did you go?"

"To see an investigator. Maria. The one Elder Vance and I were teaching before... before everything."

His eyebrows rose slightly. "Alone?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I needed to apologise to her. For teaching her things I'm not sure I believe anymore. For trying to convert her to a gospel that destroys people like me."

President Dalton's expression didn't change. "What did you tell her?"

"The truth," I said. "All of it. About Eli. About us. About what happened and who took the blame and why."

"I see." He leaned back in his chair. "Elder Kempton is concerned you're having a spiritual crisis. That you're rejecting the repentance process. Is that accurate?"

"I'm not rejecting repentance," I said. "I'm rejecting the idea that I need to repent for loving someone."

"Samuel—"

"And I'm rejecting the lie that Elder Vance manipulated me. The lie that he was a predator and I was a victim. The lie that only one of us is responsible for what happened between us."

President Dalton's face had gone very still. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying everything Elder Vance confessed to you was a lie," I said clearly. "He didn't manipulate me. He didn't seduce me. He didn't take advantage of my faith crisis or emotional vulnerability. We were both willing participants. We both made choices. We both fell in love."

"Then why did he—"

"Because he knew what you'd do to us. He knew the church would destroy us both. So he took all the blame, made himself the villain, sacrificed his reputation and his standing and his entire future because he loved me more than he loved himself." My voice broke. "That's what Christ did. That's what we're supposed to be teaching. And I repaid him by staying silent."

President Dalton stood slowly. Walked to the window overlooking Carrer de Balmes. "You understand what you're confessing to."

"Yes."

"And you're doing it anyway."

"Yes."

"Why now? You had a chance to move forward. To rebuild your testimony. To finish your mission honourably."

"Because his sacrifice deserves better than my cowardice," I said. "Because I can't bear testimony to something I don't believe. Because I can't keep pretending to have faith in a God who would condemn the only holy thing I've ever experienced."

He turned back to me. "The only holy thing you've experienced was a same-sex relationship that violated temple covenants, mission rules, and the law of chastity?"