Page 66 of His Elder

"For being honest about loving me."

Maria stood. Walked to the window. Looked out at Barcelona spread below.

"I asked you a question once," she said. "In one of our lessons. About gay people and eternal families."

"I remember."

"You got very uncomfortable. Started talking about trials and faith and how God's love was perfect even when we couldn't understand His plan." She turned back to me. "But your companion—Eli—he looked at you like you were breaking. Like watching you parrot those answers was physically painful for him."

I closed my eyes.

"I knew then," she said. "Not the specifics. But I knew one or both of you was gay. And I knew the church was destroying you with it."

"We're not supposed to act on it," I said automatically. "Same-sex attraction is a trial, but if we stay faithful—"

"Samuel." She crossed back to me. Knelt in front of the couch so she could look directly into my face. "Listen to yourself. You're not even a missionary right now. You just told me you don't believe anymore. And you're still repeating their words."

"I don't know what else to say."

"Say the truth. Your truth. Not theirs."

I looked at her. This woman I'd tried to convert. Thisinvestigator who was supposed to need saving.

"I'm gay," I said. The words felt foreign. Forbidden. "I've always been gay. I came on a mission because I thought if I was obedient enough, God would fix me. Make me normal. Make me want what I'm supposed to want."

"But He didn't."

"No. He sent me Eli instead." A sob caught in my throat. "He sent me someone who saw me. Really saw me. And didn't ask me to be anyone other than who I am. Someone who made me feel like maybe I wasn't broken. Maybe I was just... me."

"That's beautiful."

"It's a sin."

"According to who? Your church?"

"According to God."

"Samuel." Maria's voice was gentle but firm. "I don't believe in your God. But if He exists—if there's really some divine being watching over us—why would He create you this way just to punish you for it? Why would He send you someone to love and then condemn you for loving them?"

"To test me. To see if I'd choose obedience over temptation."

"That's not love. That's cruelty." She sat back on her heels. "You want to know what I see? I see a beautiful, kind, deeply good person who's been taught to hate the best part of himself. I see someone who found real love—probably for the first time in his life—and instead of celebrating it, his religion destroyed it."

"The church didn't destroy it. We broke the rules—"

"The rules are wrong!" Her voice rose. "Samuel, any system that makes you choose between being honest and being loved is broken. Any God who would punish you for incapable of changing something fundamental about yourself is not worthy of worship."

I stared at her.

"Your companion—Eli—what he did for you? Taking the blame, sacrificing his reputation, his standing, everything, so you could have a chance?" She shook her head. "That's the most Christlike thing I've heard since you started teaching me. That's actual love. Selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love."

"But it was for sin—"

"It was for you!" She grabbed my hands. "He did it foryou. Because he loved you more than he loved his own salvation. And your church took that beautiful, sacred thing and called it predation. Called it manipulation. Destroyed him for it."

The tears came then. Hot and unstoppable. I doubled over, sobbing into my hands while Maria held them tight.

"He loved me," I choked out. "He loved me and I let them destroy him. I stayed silent. I let everyone believe the lie because I was too afraid to lose my family, my faith, my eternal salvation."