Page 52 of His Elder

I nodded.

"Before we begin, I want you to take a moment. Clear your mind. I'm going to ask you to pray silently, to invite the Spirit into this conversation, so that you can answer with full integrity before God."

I bowed my head. Closed my eyes. Tried to pray.

But there was nothing. Just emptiness where the Spirit used to be. Or maybe where I'd always imagined it to be.

When I opened my eyes, President Dalton was watching me.

"Elder Price," he said quietly. "Before God, before me, and before yourself—have you broken the Law of Chastity?"

The question hung in the air.

I could lie. The golden boy, the stake president's son, the missionary who'd baptized six investigators in his first six months. I could tell him that Eli had made advances,that I'd resisted, that I'd tried to help my wayward companion and failed. Kempton would believe it. My parents would believe it. The narrative was already written—the faithful elder led astray by the doubter.

But when I opened my mouth, I found I couldn't do it.

Because Eli hadn't led me astray. He'd shown me who I was. He'd held me in the dark and whispered that I wasn't broken, that wanting him didn't make me evil. He'd given me the first moments of peace I'd felt in years.

And if I let him take the fall alone, I'd be proving the Church right—that love like ours was shameful, something to hide, something to lie about.

"Yes," I whispered.

President Dalton's expression didn't change. "With whom?"

"Elder Vance."

A pause. "And was this a single incident, or has it happened multiple times?"

The tears came now, hot and fast. "Multiple times."

"I see." He picked up a pen, made a note on the paper in front of him. "Can you tell me, in your own words, what happened? When it started?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "I don't—I don't know exactly when it started. Maybe the first night he came to my bed. When I was—when I was struggling. Or maybe before that, when we held hands during planning. Or maybe it was always there, from the moment you introduced us."

"Take your time, Elder Price. Start from the beginning."

So I did.

I told him about the tension in the apartment, the arguments about doctrine and investigators. About the night I'd heard Eli crying and sat on his bed, how we'd shared our fearsabout disappointing our families. How the wall between us had started to crack.

I told him about the zone conference, about sitting next to Eli and feeling something shift. About the argument after teaching Maria, when Eli had called the doctrine dehumanizing and I'd shouted that teaching it was killing me.

I told him about confessing to Eli that I was attracted to men. About Eli's revelation that he was gay too. About the desperate, fragile hope that had bloomed in my chest—that I might not have to be alone.

President Dalton listened without interrupting, his pen moving occasionally across the paper.

"And then what happened?" he asked gently.

My throat closed. I couldn't say it. Couldn't describe the way Eli had touched me, the way I'd fallen apart under his hands, the way I'd begged for more.

"Elder Price, I know this is difficult. But I need to understand the full scope of what occurred. Did you engage in—" He paused, choosing his words carefully. "—in sexual activity with Elder Vance?"

"Yes."

"Was this activity consensual?"

The question startled me. "Yes. I—yes. I wanted it."