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“But in all fairness,” Pat chimed in. “Faye was the first and got us all started.”

“There is that.” Desi nodded with a wink.

“I mean, let’s be real. It’s hard to say no to my dear Sister.

I resisted. I promise I did. I held out as long as I could, but there is just something about watching our humans in their natural habitat, trying to make a career out of being real when they are acting like goofballs that makes me smile. ”

“They’re not animals in a zoo!” Hopper yelped, not believing his ears. “They’re living, breathing…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, there CWB,” Desi countered.

“Zip your lips and listen up. If you would’ve let me finish, you would know that I was about to say, and seeing them there on Earth, unencumbered by their usual pretense and worry with what others think allows me to better help them, take care of them, and gently nudge them in the right direction.

The path that will lead them to their true love. And since…”

“And since when have you ever ‘gently nudged’ anyone?” Hopper snorted. “If what you do is gently nudging then…”

“Be careful what comes out your mouth next, Hopper.” Desi warned, pushing the words through gritted teeth. “I would hate for my bestie Hel to have a bright red baboon’s butt for a Mate, but I’m sure over time she’ll forgive me.”

Leaning closer, the silver of her eyes swirling in a counterclockwise direction that told the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

He was half a step from falling over a tall steep cliff into Desi’s Tough Titties Cavern, sinking into her pit of Kick Your Ass Quicksand, and finding himself up Shit Creek without a paddle or a prayer.

But even that didn’t stop him. Oh, no, he’d been playing this game since precisely three hours and twenty-two minutes after he was breathed into existence and introduced to his Cousins.

He was an expert–no matter what the ever-growing scoreboard suggested.

The Omnipotent Being known as Hope was ready, willing and most definitely able to explain in explicit detail how overbearing and demanding his Cousin could be and was in almost every situation.

He had proof–the receipts as the young humans called them–to prove his point, and he was ready to use them.

Thankfully, and as usual, Destiny wasn’t paying attention to anything he had to say and continued as if neither he nor Pat were in the room.

“But trust and believe that if you make a conscious choice to insult me, I will turn you into a bright red and super shiny baboon’s behind, then apologize to my bestie for the rest of forever.

” Snapping her fingers then making a finger gun and pretending to shoot him with it, she added, “’Cause you know that’s how I roll. ”

“Oh, yeah, I know that’s how you roll,” Hopper sarcastically shot back, adding an eye roll to be sure she got the point.

Then picking up the beautifully embossed, totally unnecessary, and utterly infuriating invitation he’d received in the mail the day before, Hopper hammered it against the air between them, punctuating every syllable.

“This is how you roll.” The hacking motion of his arm got infinitely more pronounced as he got louder with each word.

“You meddle in my love life. You plan parties that I do not want to attend but have to or you’ll never stop bitchin’ at me.

You embarrass me at every turn. You have no boundaries, and you refuse to acknowledge anyone else’s.

You never listen. And you always think you always know what’s best for everyone else. You think you…”

“That’s because I do know what’s best for everyone.”

“…know everything about everything, and… Wait! What?” With his tirade coming to an abrupt and jarring halt, Hopper found out what mental whiplash felt like as his Cousin, the Omnipotent Being known as Destiny began to illustrate her point in incredibly specific detail with a pop quiz that almost melted his brain.

“Am I or am I not the Omnipotent Being known as Destiny?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“Am I correct in saying that the simplified definition of Destiny is ‘the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future’?”

All the more irritated because Desi had resorted to using air quotes to make her point, Hopper nonetheless couldn’t and didn’t stop his mouth from taking the lead and responding. “Yes, but that does not…”

“And doesn’t that mean that I am the facilitator of what the Big Four have put into place?”

“Yes, however…”

“Hop, you really need to stop interrupting. I am trying…”

“Me? You want me to…”

“Yes, I want you to shut up and listen.”

So aghast that he couldn’t respond, which in the logical part of his brain he knew was what his Cousin wanted, Hopper stood there with his mouth open as the illogical, and largest, part of his brain conjured up nasty comments as if they were bullets in the chamber of the antique Tommy gun he kept in the safe on the third floor of his home.

Yes, it was for the best that he couldn’t say all the shitty things he was thinking because, well…

he most certainly did not want to be turned into a baboon’s behind, and Destiny would, without a doubt, follow through on her threat if he uttered even one of the eloquent and pointed insults his mind had conjured.

No, he most definitely could not say what he was thinking.

Yes, he was incredibly thankful that his mouth refused to work at that very moment.

Absolutely, he planned to write down every single consonant and vowel of the creative insults his mind was coming up with because there was no doubt in his mind he would need them some day.

With all that said, or more to the point, thought, none of it changes the fact that he was still stuck listening to Destiny listing all the ways that she was right, and he was wrong.

Leaning his hip against the granite top of the island and crossing his arms over his chest, Hopper exhaled, nodded, and glared at Desi.

Of course, she wasn’t bothered at all. In fact, she smiled like the Cheshire cat from one his favorite stories, crinkled her nose, then winked.

“Yes, that’s it, Hop. That’s how you shut up and listen. Good, Hopper. Very good.”

Rolling his eyes, he was just about ready to fire off one of the snappy retorts still floating around his brain when the timer on the oven started to beep.

“Saved by the bell!” Pat chirped. Sliding his hands into the oven mitts that resembled the colorfully painted face of Bozo the Clown, he turned them into puppets and teased, “Now, you listen to Auntie Destiny while I get the biscuits. And remember, you love her dearly and would never ever never think about plotting her demise.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. You’re so…”

“Hopper. Hopper, are you listening to me?” Destiny’s voice cut through Pat’s wheezing laughter, forcing him to snap his attention back to her floating head with his brow furrowed and his jaw so clenched he was sure he’d cracked a molar.

“Yes, Desi, I am…”

“Well, good. As I was saying, I do all of this for you and for Hel not because it is my job, but because I…”

“Because you love us.”

“Well… Well, yes!” She happily replied, her determined expression turning to happiness with a side of a smile. “You were listening. Lookie there, you can be taught.”

“You’re right, and I’m…”

“No need for apologies. We’re Family, and that means never having to say you’re sorry.”

“Thank you, Desi, but that isn’t…”

Leveling her gaze, the usually swirling onyx of her eyes holding completely still with the starlight still beautifully glittering, her voice became deadly seriously as she declared, “Just be at my Summer Fun in the Sun Pool Party and Barbeque on time. The theme is in your honor after all. Make sure to wear your most festive ‘cowboy’ attire, and do not make me come and get you.” Batting her eyes with extreme precision, she added, “Because if I have to leave my party and come fetch you, Hopper my love, it will not be pretty.”

“As you wish, De…” Unable to finish his sentence before she blinked out of sight, Hopper turned to Pat who was setting the tray holding the latest batch of biscuits on the counter and snarled, “I truly hate when she does that.”

“Do you think she appeared without an invitation or giving notice and didn’t let us speak because she knew we were talking about her? Or does she just know everything and like to show off?”

“Both.”

“Yeah, well, we should all be used to it by now. She’s always been that way.”

“And that makes it okay?”

“No, I didn’t say that.” Shrugging as he took off the oven mitts and tossed them atop the microwave, the Omnipotent Being known as Patience added, “I’m simply suggesting that it’s a lot easier to accept the things you can’t change…”

“And ask God with a capital G for the wisdom to know what that is?”

Laughing as he picked up a steaming biscuit and tossed it his way, Pat chuckled, “No, but that’s pretty good. You’re quick. The other Cousins, especially Serenity, would be so proud that you remember their prayer.”

“Why, thank you, sir,” Hop snickered before taking a bite of the biscuit he’d just caught. “You know how much I live to make the entire Family happy.”

“I would go that far.” Pat winked. “And you are most welcome,” he added with a chuckle.

“And just to finish my previous thought, it is easier to accept the things you cannot change, like our overbearing, meddling Cousins who love us very much, than running headlong into the speeding freight train that is…”

“Our overbearing, meddling Cousins who love us very much?”

“And you got it in one.”

“Yay for me. At least I got something right…” Coming to a screeching halt as the overwhelming feeling that someone was watching him made the hairs at the nape of his neck stand on end, Hopper growled, “Did you feel that?”

“Did I feel what?” Pat asked, brow furrowed and a confused expression on his face as he chewed a bite of biscuit.