Page 97 of Heavy

I straighten my back. “I killed someone in a bar fight and was sentenced to—”

“No.” She cuts me off. “Before that… I promise I won’t run. I want to know you and what made you,you. The good and the bad.”

I move my hand up, running my fingers through my hair as I drop my head back. It’s not that I fear she’ll run; at this point, I’d chase her down and never let her go. One of us will have to be dead, or I’d have to be back in prison for her to escape me. Even if it’s selfish, because she deserves better. I just don’t care that she does.

What terrifies me is her caring too much. I see the way she is—how she’ll find her way in and try to cradle my heart, to protect it. I’m afraid she’ll fall in love with me, and I won’t be able to give that back.

“Okay, but you’ll tell me first, Cal. You are a little liar, and I won’t have you trying to wiggle out of this.”

She nods and puts her hands behind her back. “Can I sit in your lap?”

Jesus, the innocence in her voice pulls on my concrete heart.

“Your coffee—”

“Fuck the coffee, I’ll heat it up later.”

I suck in a breath and nod. “Here, or inside?”

“Out here… I like the fresh air.”

Once I sit down on the couch, facing the lake, she moves in front of me and settles right into my lap. We adjust a little, her hands finding a comfortable position as her shoulder presses gently against my chest.

I place my hand onto her thigh, the other resting at the back of her neck.

“My dad died of cancer when I was fourteen, and while my mom had done drugs before his passing, it only got worse after. At fifteen, she began taking me with her to her drug houses. The first time was the worst, but I think I just began to prepare myself for when she would take me again.”

I don’t interrupt her as she tells me in fine detail about the incident. It’s where she got the scar on the back of her calf, and when she lost her virginity. It takeseverythingin me not to completely lose myself to my rage.

“Only when I was seventeen, and she nearly died of an overdose, did I get her help. Somehow we were able to keep her treatment secret. I didn’t know how that was possible. For her to get certified for the board, she had to have a background check. She passed with flying colors, and it’s why she’s in the position she is. Well…”

My thumb traces the nape of her neck, more for my own sake than hers. She hasn’t cried, which concerns me a little. It’s been over a decade, but what happened to her was extremely traumatic. I can’t help but wonder if my primal need and dominance scares her, or if they bring up painful memories. I won’t ask, though. I’ve told her before that she only needs to say “no” and I’ll stop, no matter where we are in the moment. But if I had to guess, just knowing that—that I’d stop—makes her feel powerful.

“It was the Serrano’s that helped keep everything under wraps. The drug dealers my mom used to go to, I guess married into the family. So the houses, families—whatever—mixed. It’s how they became so powerful, a part of the elite. Now, they are asking something of me—”

“Tell me what they want,” I cut in.

She shakes her head. “It’s complicated. I’m trying to deal with it.”

I seethe. “They severed your fucking gas line. You wouldn’t have made it home—” That thought nearly is too much to even fathom. What would they have done? “They could’ve snatched you up right from the office, Cal!”

This is why she wanted to be in my lap. Not for her own sake, but for mine. I can’t move, and instead I pull her closer. As angry as this conversation is making me, I don’t feel the urge to hurt her. All I want is to protect her.

“It’s why I’ve requested from my boss to not go into the office for now. I don’t plan on leaving your side.”

“Good. Fucking thank you.” My tone is a mix of relief and petulance. “What do they want from you?” I ask again, knowing I’ll get the same response.

“Not something you can help with, and I don’t want you to. I can’t… I’m dealing with it, Ronan, I promise. Until I know it’s safe, I’ll stay right here.”

I roll my eyes and look away from her.

Suddenly, I see her hand come to my cheek, but she doesn’t progress.

“Can I?” she asks, and I stare at her palm, then I look up into her eyes. “Please?”

My eyes narrow, and through my heavy sigh, I nod.

She slowly presses her hand against my face, and a slight sting has my eye twitching. “I need to put some ointment on that scratch.” I completely forgot about it. She got me good, those nails of hers are deadly.