Page 70 of Heavy

“Your uncle will be so disappointed, that’s when you guys hang out the most.” Dad scoffs, and I know he also wants to complain that he’ll have to be around more to watch me.

To watch me…

I stumble forward, and my mom takes my near fainting as fear of what my life has turned out to be. But she’d be so, so wrong. This is my way out. He won’t wait two years; he’ll get tired of keeping his distance, and finally I can be free. He will find someone else to hurt.

I’m free, even if I’m being constrained behind what they think is punishment.

“Oh, sweetheart, we will help you.”

“I-It’s okay…” I bury my face into her chest and take a deep breath of relief.

I don’t have to hurt… I’m safe… Finally…

22

Calista

“Doyouthinkthehardware should be brass or black matte?”

I’ve tuned out everything. Whatever becomes of this cabin, I could care less. They could do a rainbow backsplash and I’d eat at the fucking counter all the same.

Alright, that’s a lie. While I don’t mind color, the palette is meant to be neutral in the open spaces.

“Black matte with the oak and gray backsplash will keep the space cohesive. There is enough brown in the wood everywhere else.”

He nods. “And lastly, the fireplace. Do you want us to refurbish, or replace.”

I look over at it. The fire is going, not because it’s cold but because the power is currently out with another thunderstorm. My contractor buddies are the best, working even when they can barely fucking see. They’ve done what they could while the sun was at its peak, but now that it’s fallen, I’m here getting the final pieces of this space ordered.

“Refurbish. Replace where we need to make it structurally sound for inspection.”

“You got it, boss lady. Once everything arrives, expect about a week for delivery. We should be able to finalize the kitchen within a few days, provided no additional issues arise. Then the master bedroom, and guest room. Did you want us to do the gazebo still?”

Clearing my throat, I shake my head. “No, I changed my mind on it.”

He smiles. “Sounds good. I think we can wrap up in about a month’s time.”

I nod. “Thanks, Benny.”

He heads out the front door, closing it behind him. I wrap my arms around my waist and look out the wall-to-wall window, seeking comfort in the darkness outside.

Ronan never came back, and it’s been three days. He left his phone, and after twenty-four hours, I used it to call Ken. His friend said he hadn’t seen or heard from him, and I contemplated calling my stepdad, but thought better of it. Eamon hadn’t even reached out to him about my number, and something tells me he won’t. He’s battling himself, and it’s obvious by how he talked about his brother he isn’t ready to even forgive himself. How can he expect Ronan to?

I move to the living room, and fall onto the black couch, staring straight up at the ceiling. The wood paneling carries the weight of the chandelier that isn’t illuminated by florescent lights.

I’m exhausted, but I can only imagine so is Ronan. What I’m doing is childish, chasing a man that’s obviously battered and bruised by a past that still torments him. Throwing myself at him like that isn’t what he wants.

Isn’t it? Why would he care to know who is after me if hedidn’twant me? There would be no reason for him to burden himself if he didn’t care.

It’s obvious he cares,Cal, don’t be a fucking idiot.

I think my overactive mind actually knocks me out, because a sudden thump startles me awake. Jolting upright, my eyes go wide as I see Ronan, his back to me, leaning forward against the unfinished island in the kitchen.

He sighs, and I move to stand, the blanket I hadn’t laid over me falling to the ground as I get to my feet.

“I’d lie and say I didn’t mean to wake you.” Hedefinitelysounds exhausted, also with a slight slur to his tone. Is he drunk? “But I wanted to.”

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I take a step in his direction. “Are you okay?”