Page 125 of Heavy

“You could have tried to convince me… I would have fought for you if only I—”

“Eamon,” I say through a heavy sigh. “I sat up there and cried, telling everyone what happened… only to be told that lying in a court of law would get me more time. If…” I grind my teeth together. “If I had been yoursisteryou wouldn’t have hesitated to believe a fucking word out of my mouth. No one would have.”

“That isn’t true.”

“No? Are you sure? Because I wasn’t even given a second of thought. I was a liar immediately. It didn’t matter I told them he had three moles right on his left thigh, inches from hiscock. Wherenochild should ever see… I wasRonan the liar.The sick boy with mental health issues.”

I can hear him taking a shaky breath before he says, “I am so fucking sorry I wasn’t there for you.” The tears I hoped to see in person translate through his tone. “That day you called me before trying to kill yourself, it fucked me up. I hated you for it, but it was just a projection of my own self-loathing. I—”

Leaning forward, I place my face into my hand, the phone in the other shaking as I fight to keep it at my ear.

“I still have the voicemail and listen to it every year. It reminds me how badly I…” He roughly clears his throat before taking another unstable intake of air. “I failed you. We all did.”

“You did…” I whisper while dragging my hand across my eyes.

“I love you, Ronan. I should have been the brother you deserved.”

A moment of silence falls, and not even our breathing captures in the phone. I don’t know if I still love my brother, but that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of it.

“I know you do,” I finally say after several minutes pass. “We are having a barbecue this weekend. You should come.”

“Oh. Who will be there?”

“My friends who I’d call family, and Cal.”

“Did she invite her mom?”

“No, she didn’t. I had hoped by this time you would’ve taken care of that…”

He groans. “I actually asked to talk with her about that a few days ago.”

My brows pinch. “Do you never go home?” The fluctuation in my tone is patronizing.

“I haven’t been back in about a week. We got into an argument, and when I called to apologize, she told me to stay away while she cooled off.”

I hum. “Are you still going to get the divorce?” I know they’ve been together for a while, and I should feel bad about forcing this, but I don’t.

“She’s going to fight it…” That isn’t a no, and something tells me he won’t outwardly say‘yes I’m going to get a divorce’.I’ll just be a fucking pest about it.

“Saturday, you can come over after two.”

My phone beeps, and I quickly look at it, hoping that it’s Cal. Unfortunately,once again, it isn’t. Instead, it’s Ken.

“I need to go.”

“Alright, thanks, Ro. I’ll see you Saturday.”

“See ya.”

“Bye, Brother.”

I hang up our call and quickly answer Ken. “Hey.” I stand and step outside, feeling the cool breeze hit me immediately. I’m going to say it’s probably going to be too cold to go swimming, but if the boys suffer for Mia, they can do as they please.

“Hey, you free?” Alright, getting right to the point.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“You know that guy, Michael Horn, the one you had me looking into.”