Page 134 of Heavy

I’m hoisted backward, my lower back pressing against a man’s shoulder, my body bent in an awkward position. Upside down, I catch sight of the cabin, men dousing it in the same gasoline they poured over my hands.

My vision fades in and out, darkness creeping at the edges.

They are going to pin this on me…

I think I’ve dissociated—I don’t feel like I’m in my body anymore. When they throw me into the vehicle, nothing registers properly. Instead, I’m back in bed, turning over to see Ronan’s blue eyes as he takes my hand and places it on his chest.

“It used to feel like needles, thousands of them, scraping across whenever anyone would touch me. Even you, baby girl.”

Hot tears fall down my cheeks, streaming down my neck and into my shirt.

“There is still some discomfort, but… I like even the pain you inflict on me.”

When I blink, the car is moving, and I start to hyperventilate.

“Settle the fuck down.”

Turning my head from left to right I attempt to lean forward, but the seat belt catches me short. We haven’t made it out of Sapphire Valley yet.

I reach down, searching for the syringe—it’s still there.

“Death was always the easiest out for me, but I’ll admit living doesn’t seem so hard when you’re around.”Ronan loved me and I fucked everything up. I was naive, foolish and thought I could protect us both.

“I’m so sorry…” I say, yanking out the syringe, popping the cap off, and driving it into the exact spot on the neck that Samantha instructed. It would take only seconds she had said, and it would be painless. I press down, injecting the liquid, and feel the heavy burden of death begin to settle over me.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m excited about this project. But I really shouldn’t have to be talking about it so late in the evening. It’s nearly nine, and Ronan had to bring me dinner because I was caught up in the planning.

“When do you think you can get the construction started?”

I want this contract more than any other I’ve been assigned, not only because it’s going to be a lot of fun, but also because it’s at the cabin just south of the lake, Echo Ridge.

“I think we can begin the actual construction next spring, but with winter coming, it’s not smart to start the physical labor now.”

“Agreed.” I hear my boss say in response to my answer.

It’s then my office door opens, and I turn around to see Ronan coming through. He is wearing black dress pants and a tucked in white button up. My gaze narrows, and he gestures at the top of his wrist, silently saying ‘times up’.

“Thank you, Calista for your time, we will send over the appropriate paperwork to get the planning started.”

“Thank you.” I hang up the phone and push my rolling chair back. “What are—”

“Come here.” He reaches out his hand and I slip mine into it. He pulls me out of the room, causing me to giggle.

I’m wearing sweatpants and a nice blouse, since I need to look slightly presentable if I have to turn my camera on. “Let me at least put something nicer on!” I laugh, the words escaping as he literally rushes us down the hall toward the living room.

“Ronan,” I whine. “What’s going…” My words trail off. “…on?” When we reach the main room, the couches are pushed aside, the coffee table moved, creating an open space. The fire is lit, and candles line the shelf above the fireplace.

He pulls me into the center of the room, leaving me there for a moment while he walks over to the kitchen. I take in the small details—the lavender and petunias growing around our property, resting in clear glass cups. It’s such a small, thoughtful touch, and it’s so completely him. I feel tears burn at the back of my eyes.

A song begins to play, and it’s ‘Die With A Smile’ by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars, it’s one I’m currently obsessing over.

His hand comes around my back and pulls me tight to him. I move to touch his chest, but he grabs onto it to bring it to his lips. He kisses the tips of my fingers, before moving it down and placing it over his heart.

“Romance, I get it now,” he jokes.

I can’t help but choke out a laugh. “This is incredible, but… why?” Had I missed something? Has it been a year already and it’s our anniversary?

“Why not?” He leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead before he begins moving us in a motion that follows the beat of the music. Neither of us are dancers, but we can be bad at this together. “I wanted to surprise you with dinner, which I hope was alright.”