Page 140 of Heavy

My heart skips and I jerk my head to the side to see bright blue eyes staring right at me.

The world around me blurs, leaving only him to fill my thoughts. His head rests back against the pillow, and I hate that he doesn’t smile at me. I can’t read his expression—whether it’s one of hate or just of pain. Either way, I’m just so happy his eyes are open, and he's alive…

Ronan

I’m alive and, man, do I feel fucking fantastic.

Whatever drugs I’m on right now make me feel a little bit loopy. I don’t like that in this moment because I need to be mad at Calista, but all I can imagine is sucking on her tongue that’s now wetting her dried lips.

I’m having a hard time feeling my own or I’d likely be smiling. I’m happy she’s alive, but the thought of spanking a rainbow across her ass nearly has me laughing.

No, damn it, no. I need to be firm.

Even if she is so fucking cute, all nervous and shit.

“Ronan?” I do love the way she says my name. “Oh—I-I’m…” She chokes on a sob, her bottom lip trembling as she leans in toward me. My hand that she’s holding presses under her chin. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen.”

Oh, I know, baby girl.

I should say something, really, but seeing her fear consume her is helping slightly. To see that she feels bad solidifies that she never meant for this to occur the way it did.

As she swallows, she briefly looks over at Eamon, who is still passed out on the single-seater couch. I don’t turn my head, just flick my eyes to him, and then back to my girl who’s beginning to shake.

“You know,” I finally say and immediately I have to clear my throat. The taste of something bitter on my tongue stings as it goes straight down my throat. “They say you see the light when you are about to die. Bullshit.”

Her look of mortification has me chuckling. “There were doors, no lights. Every single time I’d go for one,youstepped in front of it.” She stands, the chair she was sitting on scooting back. “Tried to kill me, kept me from dying—such a complicated woman.”

“T-That’s not funny!” she whisper-shouts through her heaving.

I can’t help but laugh. “But it is.” I squeeze her hand in mine, and she leans over, slowly drawing the back of her fingers along my cheek. “When I’m capable, I’m punishing you.”

She tries to keep herself from laughing, but it bubbles out of her swollen lips.

These drugs, she should be grateful for them. I’d be ruthless with my words right now but I’m certain I just saw a rabbit or something jump from the foot of my bed.

The moment I try to move my other hand, cords pull me back and I groan.

She leans over me and puts her cheek onto my chest, releasing my hand in the process. I’m able to move that one at least and wrap it around her, pulling her tight into a hug.

“I love you, Ronan. Please forgive me…”

I let out a soft huff. “That better not be a sympathy ‘I love you’.” I know it isn’t. She’s been in love with me for a while, but no longer than I’ve been with her. I just didn’t realize the feeling to classify it as that, but there is no mistaking what it was.

While we have alotto talk about, I choose our hard to battle through.

“No.” She shakes her head, then gently cups my face in her hands. Her tears fall onto my cheeks as she leans in and kisses me quickly. She does it again, and again, before wrapping her arms around my neck, holding me tightly.

“I love you too, baby girl.”

The haze in my brain makes me feel weightless, and when I close my eyes, all I want is for us to be pulled back into our bed at the cabin. That thought keeps my eyes shut—seeing the deer in the early morning and setting off on my bike with her arms wrapped around my torso. A picture of us riding up the mountainside, watching the sun rise as we cruise down the open road.

Freedom can finally be mine.

And for the first time in what feels like my entire life, I feel deserving of it.

For love, happiness, and a quiet life.

I hope to have that with Cal.