Page 54 of Heavy

Seeing him let his walls down here at the dinner table makes my heart sing. I love the side that pinned me to the counter, but I’m drawn to this one, too. He’s not two-dimensional—he’s a man of many layers, stitched so tightly together that unraveling him will be painful, but I know it will be beautiful when he’s fully revealed.

I'm beginning to fear more what he’ll uncover beneath my sheets than anything I might find beneath his.

I’m bent at the waist hugging Mia after the evening has settled.

“Will you come back?” she asks as I pull away and stand.

Humming, I look to my side at Ronan who is talking with Ken and everyone else. “The boys” as he calls them—Cedric, Lux, and Emilio or Em for short—all look at him like he’s their role model, an idol they’d only ever seen on TV but are now finally meeting in person. All smiles and joyful laughter, and I can see that they struggle to not touch him, unlike Ken.

Ronan said he’d tell me about them chasing the car later. I asked about Amy in passing, but he just gave me a strange look so I immediately deflected, saying it didn’t matter.

I won’t be bringing her up again. Honestly I don’t want to know, and I’ll just pretend I don’t care about whatever he might have done with her.

Yeah, right. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach hurt.

“We will see. I’ll talk with your uncle.” Mia grins up at me, and I wonder how she would feel if I told her that I was technically her step-cousin.

As I turn to face the group, it’s Cedric that’s coming over my way. His hand running through his blue hair. “Barbie, I’ll make sure your car is back to you by next week.”

Doll face, Barbie, little lamb.So many nicknames and they’ve only known me for a few hours.

I shake my head, offering a smile. “Don’t worry, take your time. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me. It goes without saying I owe you guys big time.”

When he grins, I worry for a moment that my comment sounded suggestive. But before I can dwell on it, he lets out an “oof.” I glance down to see his hands covering his crotch, and Mia pulling back her fist.

“Keep your eggplant away from Cal.”

I let out a huff of a laugh and look up at Cedric whose face has turned a bright red and is stepping away. Through a strained breath, he says, “I—wasn’t—oh my god, where’d that strength come from?”

“Me.” Ronan’s voice carries a thunderous edge as he rounds Cedric and opens his hand down at Mia, who gives it a smack with her own. “See you, sprite.” He turns his blue eyes on me, and gestures his head to the door behind me, but doesn’t say anything.

“How?” Cedric’s playful wheeze has me barely holding back a laugh.

“I told you.” I look over at Mia, who is play-boxing the air. “You should’ve come as often to see Uncle Ro-Ro as we did. Even through the glass he…” Her words trail off and my heart wrenches.

I’m not allowed to settle into the dismay when Amy shouts, “Come back around, and bring the little lamb.”

I look up at Ronan who doesn’t turn back to them, but I do and offer a smile. “Thanks again, everyone.”

“You got it, doll face.”

“See ya, Barbie,” Lux says with a grin. “Aye, Ronan, don’t be shy about bringing that pretty face back.”

I can’t hold back my laughter this time, especially as Lux continues, “I ain’t talking about Cal. Been gone for fifteen years, we’ve missed that scowl of yours.” He kisses in his direction, and once again I’m hit with such a gut wrenching feeling I actually trip on the small metal lip of the door frame. If it weren’t for Ronan grabbing my elbow to steady me, I would’ve fallen out the door.

He left them when they were still kids. None of them appear to be older than thirty, which means he didn’t see them graduate high school, didn’t see so much of their life because he was in prison.

I need to know how they all came together. He indicated he met Ken in prison, but if he knew the boys before, how? I want to know him so badly it actually physically aches.

And the fact that he met Mia while in prison—for her to call him “uncle” having only known him from behind glass—he has to realize how incredible that makes him. Right?

As we head down the driveway, I can’t help but notice that he hasn’t let go of my arm and I’m not about to draw attention to it.

“Please tell me you’ve ridden a bike before.”

A low, nervous groan slips through my tightly closed lips. He only sighs and releases my arm, and suddenly it feels ten times colder where his touch had been. My body feels uneasy, already missing the warmth of his contact.

When we make it to his motorcycle, I stare down at it. It’s sleek, all black with a white stripe, just like the jacket he shrugged on after dinner. As I look up to him, I’m not entirely sure why he is pinching the bridge of his nose.