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The memories don’t return. The nights continue their endless loop of powerful dreams about a stranger, but I have very little information to discuss with Anna during the day. I sense her agitation about our lack of progress, though I know she doesn’t blame me.

Besides, my frustration is worse. I’m the one failing, the mystical savior who can’t even remember what she’s supposed to be saving. What if something happens to this person before we can intervene? It’s not hard to read Anna enough to know he’s in trouble.

Anna enters with more urgency than usual today. She closes the door and offers a quick greeting before motioning for me to sit down. “I have a message for you,” she whispers, and passes me a scrap of paper.

I take it with a trembling hand. “Is this from…?”

She nods, and my heart pounds. Hot blood streaks through my veins as I trace the tattered note and fight for the strength to open it. It’s a strange feeling to hold a piece of a dream in your hand. Evidence you don’t recognize but should. After a long pause, I draw in a deep breath.

I stare at Anna in shock. “This is my handwriting.”

Anna nods again. “I’ve been trying to get reports to him about your progress whenever I can, and he gave me this hoping it might help. He added to it, though.”

“I sent this to him?” Tears gather in my eyes as I gaze at the neat printing. Underneath my: “Remember my heart as I remove my trigger,” he added, “Now, it’s my turn.”

My fingers brush the letters while the tears drip down my cheeks. One lands on the paper, puckering a small dot. Somehow, it seems right: our connection framed in tears.

“Please, let me help him now. I know we want to wait but—”

“Not until you remember.”

“I can’t just sit here waiting for nothing! What if the memories never come back? What if I never see him again because I can’t remember in time to save him?”

Anna motions for me to calm down, and I press my palms against my eyes.

“How can I love someone I don’t even know?”

“I’m not sure, but you do, so use it. Stop trying to ignore your dreams because they bring you pain, and focus on them instead.

They’re a tool. Let them awaken the rest.” She leans forward.

“Let’s start small. Do you remember what this note means?

It must be some kind of coded message between the two of you. ”

I force myself to confront the message, reviewing it over and over again. Finally, I grunt in frustration. “No. I don’t know what a trigger is.”

Anna seems disappointed, but it can’t be more than I am.

“Wait. His tattoos,” I blurt out, pulse racing. “On his chest, there’s a gun.” My gaze shoots to Anna for confirmation, and a rush of exhilaration runs through me at her nod.

“Do you think that has something to do with the note?”

“Maybe not, but it reminded me of that. He has lots of tattoos. They…” I gasp. “They’re covering scars!”

“Yes! Anything else?”

I read the note several more times. It makes me sad—more than sad. Lonely. It reads like a goodbye. An explanation, maybe? My eyes widen, and I nearly drop it.

“I know what it means.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t remember the context, but this is a goodbye. I wanted him to know that I cared about him, even if it didn’t seem like it.”

“And he’s returning the sentiment now.”

The horrible tears bubble again, and I swallow them back down. “It appears so. I just wish I could make sense of the trigger part. It seems like that’s the key to something. Did he tell you anything that could help?”

“No, and he won’t. The less I know, the better. It’s the same with you. While I’ll do anything I can to help, I don’t want to know what comes back unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

I stare at his handwriting again. Heat radiates through me at the tangible piece of him. I want to hold it, clasp it to my heart and never let it go. “May I keep this?”

“That’s not a good idea. I know how much that must mean to you, but if you were caught—”

“Please, Anna, I’ll be careful. We can hide it. I just…” I grip it hard in my fist, pressed against my lips.

She sighs. “Let’s find a good hiding place.”

I study the note as often as I can, careful to tuck it away when necessary. Faint memories begin to return but only enough to remind me of the desperate state of the man I love, but don’t know and can’t save. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll survive this excruciating wait.

Anna bursts into the room one morning with an excitement missing since the delivery of the note.

“You have news,” I say as she closes the door.

“Better than that.” She pulls out her phone and starts scrolling. “I have a message for you.” She finds her target and hands me the device.

My heart races at the image. “That’s him, isn’t it?”

Anna nods. “Yes. I was finally able to get to him. Press play when you’re ready.”

I hold my breath, hands shaking as I begin the recording.

“Hi, Rebecca. I know you’re probably scared right now, and I’m sorry we had to do this again. It was the only way I could get you out of here, and maybe one day you’ll forgive me.”

Daniel’s confident tone and slight accent ignite a host of familiar sensations. Warmth, hope, even a burn of deep passion that flares through every part of me. But the initial optimism wears off the longer I study his worn, defeated appearance. This is a man trying to put on a brave front.

“Anna tells me you’re frustrated but doing well.

I’m just glad you’re okay. If your memories come back, you’ll be able to figure out what happened.

In the meantime, you can trust Anna. All of this was for nothing if you end up back here, and I couldn’t live with that.

Take care of yourself, Rebecca. I—” He stops and shakes his head before reaching over to stop the recording.

That’s it. That’s our reunion.

“What are they doing to him?” I say quietly. “He looks so tired. So broken.”

Anna pulls in a sharp breath. “If I tell you that, it will reveal more than I can. It’s why I’m here though, and we need to find your memories so we can help him.”

I close my eyes and lean my head against the icy window. The message replays in my head, haunting me until I force myself to watch the real one again. Over and over. Disturbing, stabbing me with…

“He’s in pain. He…”

Anna nearly jumps at my gasp. “You remember something?”

I clench my eyes shut and struggle to pull together details of the foggy scene.

“A speech. I didn’t understand what he was saying but a man injected Daniel with something.

It was like a… I don’t know what it did, but it hurt him a lot, and then…

” The blurs begin to take form. More streak in.

And more. Suddenly, a rushing flood pounds against my skull, and I cry out at the force.

I vaguely feel Anna’s hands on my arms, guiding me toward the bed, while the memories continue their assault.

Whirlwinds of thoughts, emotions, and faces pack together and separate in endless waves.

I can’t see. I can’t breathe. I’m going to suffocate from the pressure.

It’s a tsunami of sensation crashing over me all at once when—

It stops.

I blink and gaze over at Anna, shaking violently. “I remember,” I whisper. “I remember everything. You gave him the green pills.”

Anna looks shattered as she nods. “I didn’t want to, but it seemed like the only way out for him. You changed everything that day.”

Chills sweep through me as the terrible memories beat against me. Even worse, I have no idea what to do with them. I assumed the path would be clear when my mind healed, but now I feel even more helpless.

My blood pumps like sludge in my veins. “Was that the deal he made? My release for his full cooperation?”

Anna doesn’t respond, and I close my eyes. My nails dig into my palms. “They’re still experimenting with that pain shit, aren’t they?”

“I don’t know details of a deal, but yes they’re experimenting with the serum.”

“I guess that explains his state. How often?”

“Almost every day.”

My entire body goes cold. Every day? It’s been weeks since I left.

Enraged muscles stiffen into fight mode. Old hatred returns, steeling for an ill-advised march from the hospital to take on Clausen. Right now. I want to punch my fist through his throat before the day is out. Patience is a virtue I exhausted days ago.

I push up from the bed and move toward the closet.

“What are you doing?” Anna asks.

“Looking for my clothes. Wait, is my room bugged?” I glance around with concern.

“No. I took you outside that day because I didn’t know how you’d react to my revelation. I didn’t want to attract attention. I’m supposed to be your bug. I’m their spy.”

I study her, remembering Daniel’s message. If he trusts her, I will also. “So, is that the next step then? You’re going to convince them to release me?”

Anna nods. “I’ll assure them it’s safe. You’ll have to undergo a discharge review, which could be challenging. Whatever happens, make sure you don’t let on that you remembered anything.”

“Trust me. I get it. Then what? How do I get back into Madison?” The closet is empty except for hospital supplies. I’ll have to ask for my belongings.

Anna scoffs. “Get back in? Absolutely not. You can go home to your mother, or anywhere else you’d like, but you’ll have to forge a life that proves you have no recollection of Madison Academy.”

I slam the closet door, and she shoots me a warning look. “Quiet! They can’t suspect you’re upset.”

“Upset? I’m beyond upset. I can’t believe you’d even think for a second I’d go play house with my mom while Daniel’s still in there being tortured. I’m going back for him.”

“Hey,” she says, taking my arms and guiding me back to the bed.

“I know you want to help him, but you have to trust us that barging in is not the way to do it. I don’t know if Daniel has a plan, but I know he sacrificed in unspeakable ways to get you to safety.

Right now all we can do is assure him that you remember again.

Beyond that, I couldn’t tell you more if I wanted to. ”

“I’m going back.”

I’ve never seen the kind woman so angry. “Rebecca.”

“I’m going. Back.”

“No, you’re not. You heard Daniel. It would crush him to know you were in their control again. We have to be smart about this.”

“And I won’t be now? Do you honestly think they’re going to let me move on with my life and forget about me?

” I sigh and force myself to calm down. “Look, I’m not running solely on emotion here.

Going back is the only play that makes sense.

Think about it. If I remembered everything, I’d never go back.

I’d run as far and fast as I could. But if I truly don’t remember anything, why would I do anything except go back?

All the reasons that led to my decision to go to Madison in the first place are still valid.

Wouldn’t he be suspicious if I didn’t want to return? ”

Anna shakes her head. “If you remember everything, then you remember what you went through. You remember the horror of that place for both of you!”

I nod and clench my fists. “Yes, which is why I’m going back for Daniel. I’m not leaving him there to suffer on my behalf.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t sanction this. Even if you did go back, it wouldn’t be like before. Daniel isn’t a student anymore. They have him locked away permanently. You’d never even see him.”

“You could help us. There has to be a way you could get me to him.”

Anna massages her temples. “You’re not thinking rationally. You’d be putting all of us in danger.”

“More danger than he’s in now?”

She doesn’t respond at first, and I hold my breath. “Even if I agree, there’s no guarantee they’d take you back. The other students will remember you. There’s risk for Clausen too.”

“He prides himself on his secret agenda and the facade he’s created.

If none of those other students know Daniel’s fate, why would I?

Clausen won’t pass up a second chance to get at my abilities.

He may have been willing to let me go because he wanted Daniel more, but you and I both know he’d rather have both of us. ”

She shakes her head, looking frustrated but weakening. “He won’t be able to help you anymore, Rebecca. They’ve completely broken him. So you go back, have your passionate reunion. Then what?”

I gaze out the window and consider my answer carefully. “You and Daniel will just have to trust me for once. I’ve spent the last few months being a pawn in everyone else’s game. Now it’s my turn to play.”