Page 34

“Connor?”

I return from my morning counseling session to find Matthew’s roommate ducking into my suite. With boxes.

“Oh, hey, Rebecca.”

“What are you doing? Here, let me get that.” I grab the top one and follow him into the common area.

“They didn’t tell you? I’ve been transferred.”

“To Birchwood? Wow.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been with Matthew for three years and all of a sudden they decide to move me. Is it true this was Daniel’s room?”

I manage a nod. “Yes. They moved him too.”

“I heard. Something about the Davis brothers.”

“Actually, I think they’re going to move him again if they haven’t already.” Connor seems more interested in his boxes, which is totally fine with me. “Where’s Matthew, anyway? Shouldn’t he be helping you?”

He drops the stack by the bed. “Yeah, who knows. He was right behind me with another load and got lost halfway here.”

“That sounds about right.”

Connor dusts off his jeans. “Tell me about it. Meanwhile my sheets are sitting in a hallway somewhere while he interrogates a random stranger about their unusual belt.”

“At least they’re closer to their destination than when they started.”

“Maybe not. He’s the only person I know who can go from the dining hall to the gym and pass the library three times.”

I laugh and follow him back to the door.

“Do you need a hand? I have some time.”

“Really?” He turns to me, and I smile. “That would be great. They give you an army of assistants when you move into this place and only dire warnings to get your shit out when you leave.”

“Dire warnings, huh? Well, we don’t want that. Maybe we can track down more help on the way. Who knows, we might even find Matthew.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“Do you ever worry he just flat out won’t make it home one night?”

“I used to. But I guess that’ll be someone else’s problem now.”

I can’t read his expression when I peek up at him.

He and Matthew are close, so I imagine such an unexpected move would be painful for him.

Yet, if he feels any resentment, he’s hiding it well.

He seems fine; it’s my own guilty conscience that has to fight the urge to blurt a confusing apology.

He may not understand his sudden transfer, but I do.

Reason says that Ben and Laura should welcome Connor into the Birchwood family, but reason has nothing to do with my two roommates. Instead, I sense they miss Daniel’s divisive presence. Ben and Laura feed on animosity, and Connor’s easy smile doesn’t allow for much drama.

For the second time since his arrival yesterday, I find myself trying to explain their irrational behavior.

“I just don’t get it,” he says, dropping to his bed. He turns toward me, and I have to swallow the intense memories of this room. “What did I do?”

“You’ll never understand, because you’re a nice person.

” I sigh at his confusion. “Look, they lived with Daniel for a long time. They hated him, but they loved to hate him. They had a dysfunctional, parasitic relationship that got ripped out from under them. They lost their host, and you’re not a good replacement because you’re not easy to hate. ”

A skeptical smile slips over his lips. “Thanks?”

“That didn’t sound right. I know it probably doesn’t help much, but it’s a compliment that they ignore you, believe me.”

“Do they like you?”

I huff a breath. “Not really. They only like the masses they control.” I pick up the photo on his nightstand. “Is this your family?”

He nods and tucks an arm under his head.

“It was hard to leave them, but we all agreed we had to see if Madison could help me. I was tired of being labeled as slow because I couldn’t take a standardized test. C’mon, can you imagine what a standardized test looks like to me?

Try filling out a job application or doing any of the things that should be easy for a twenty-year-old. ”

“I hadn’t thought of that. Can you read at all?”

“I couldn’t for a long time, but it’s one of the things we’re working on in my private sessions. It’s exhausting trying to separate the letters and numbers. I used to get so frustrated that I started to believe they were right about me and I was stupid.”

“You’re clearly not stupid,” I say, and he snorts a laugh.

“You give the worst compliments.”

I grin. “At least you know they’re sincere.”

He seems to get lost in thought, and my own mind takes off in the silence. I had a surprise conversation with Clausen this morning. He kept his word and said they have a use for me after all. I don’t like the assignment, but I would’ve agreed to anything to see Daniel at this point.

“You don’t say much,” Connor says, snapping me out of my trance.

I’m not sure how to interpret his comment, so I just smile. “I’m more of a thinker and observer, I guess.”

He considers my response. “Some people would probably mistake that for weakness.”

“Maybe.”

“They’d be wrong. It’s the thinkers and observers who have the advantage.”

“Yeah? Is that your attempt to return the favor for my back-handed compliments?”

A grin spreads over his face, and I can’t help but return it. “How’d I do?”

“Pretty well for a beginner. I’m impressed.”

I try to steady my breathing as I wait for the guard to unlock the door. It’s been three days since the overdose, and I haven’t received any information about Daniel’s condition. I have no idea what to expect on the other side of the steel door.

The latch clicks, and the man waves me inside, locking it behind me.

I find my former roommate slouched in the corner, and the anger of the last few days rushes to the surface.

He had no right to make that decision without me.

He had no right to forfeit and leave me to fight on my own.

I’d harbored plenty of resentment on the walk over and prepared a dozen angry speeches for when I faced him again.

But when our eyes meet, I only have one response.

I run to him and throw my arms around his neck. His own arms tighten around me in return, and the vision ripping through my head can’t break our connection as we hold each other.

“You should have let me go,” he whispers. “It was our only way out.”

My grip constricts to what must be painful levels. “It was your way out, not mine. Where would that have left me?”

“You would have been free of this place, too.”

“That’s a lie.” I burrow into his shoulder, drawing in his scent, his heat. Life. “I know I can’t imagine what your experience is like in here, but I’m not going to sit here and apologize for wanting you with me.”

“Like this?” he says, pulling back. “What am I supposed to do now, Rebecca? Tell me how this ends.”

I bite my lip. “I don’t know.”

“Exactly! And I don’t either. Everything was clear a few days ago, and now I’m only sure about one thing. You played right into their hands and changed everything.”

Fear starts to replace the anger. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Figure it out? You have no idea what you’ve done.”

“So tell me! What is it that I’ve done besides show them I still care about you?”

He shakes his head in exasperation. “You really don’t see it?”

No. Maybe?

“You made yourself almost as valuable as I am.”

My blood freezes in my veins. “What?”

“You know what I’m saying.”

“All I did was sit with you until you woke.”

“I woke because of you. I knew what I was doing. I should be dead.”

“You’ve tried and failed before.”

“Exactly. It wasn’t going to happen again. Not with so much at stake this time. But you couldn’t let go, and now you’ve put a huge target on your back.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Think! I’m not going to be able to help you much longer, so you have to start playing for yourself. This is a chess match. We don’t have much left except a pawn and a knight.” His words sound condescending at first, but there’s fear behind the dire analogy.

“They think I saved your life with my vision of the future.”

He nods, his expression changing. “Yes. Keep going.”

My heart beats faster. “Which means they think I can affect the future.” Our eyes meet, and I can’t breathe. “They’re going to use me like they’ve used you all these years. I’ve become your replacement.”

He nods as I try to calm myself enough to take a full breath. But my hands are going numb, legs shaking.

“Hey! Listen to me.” He forces me to look at him. “We’re not there yet, okay? I’ve been doing everything I can to keep them away from you. It’s not over yet.”

I shake my head and lose control of the tears. “But you were going to leave me with them! Alone and weak! I can’t fight them without you!”

He sets his jaw. “No, I was removing myself before they could learn the truth about you. If I was gone, you would have left this place and they never would’ve known for sure.”

“But you’re here.”

He leans against the wall again. “Because of you.” He rests his chin on his arms and stares at the door. “I didn’t know if it was true either. I was hoping it wasn’t.”

“I still don’t think I can accept it.”

He looks at me again, and I suck in a breath. “How can anyone know what’s possible and what’s not? All I can say for sure is that I wouldn’t be here if not for you. What was the vision, anyway?”

“You can’t see it in my head?” I ask in surprise.

“No, I can’t see your visions. I’ve never been able to.”

Interesting. “Then I think it’s my turn to keep a secret.”

“Come on. We can’t afford to play games with each other.”

“I’m not playing. You said it yourself. This is chess. I’m the pawn, you’re the knight, and we have to fight the entire army of our enemy. I need you as strong as possible. Knowing the future makes people weak in the present.”

His silence is telling, and I’m surprised by the change that comes over him. “Fair enough. But you’re wrong about something. You’re not the pawn, I am. You’re the knight.”

Shocked, I stare at him, recasting our entire situation in a new light.

“We should discuss the reason you’re here,” he continues finally. “If you don’t go back to them with information, they’ll never let you see me again.”