Page 40

I wake to a cool breeze and chirping birds. My eyes squint against the bright light streaming through a large window and make a slow scan of the unfamiliar surroundings. The cheerful room should’ve been comforting but leaves me nervous with its unexpected embrace.

“Rebecca, can you hear me?” A woman in scrubs pats my arm, drawing my attention. She’s young, pretty. Strong hands.

“Where am I?”

The woman smiles and takes the chair beside me. “You’re at the Olde York University Hospital. You had quite a fall.”

“What?”

She sighs. “Don’t be frightened. Please don’t worry if you can’t remember much. Based on what happened, amnesia is a very real possibility.”

I swallow and close my eyes. The last thing I remember is my mother leaving me alone in front of that new school. “How did I fall?”

The nurse offers a sympathetic look. “We don’t know. One of your instructors found you unconscious on the floor of the auditorium. We think you may have slipped off the stage and hit your head.”

“My head doesn’t hurt, though. Wouldn’t I have lots of pain?”

“You’ve been out for a week and are heavily medicated. Your body will probably heal faster than your mind, in this case. Do you remember anything?”

I study the light fixture on the ceiling. “Just standing in front of Madison Academy, about to go inside. They were going to help me.”

“Hmm… well, we’ll get a therapist in here to see if we can retrieve some of what was lost. For now, be patient with yourself and concentrate on staying relaxed and positive.”

“How much time am I missing?”

The nurse glances at a calendar on the wall. “What was the date of your last memory?”

“My first day at Madison Academy was supposed to be August fifth.”

The nurse raises her eyebrows. “Then you’re missing about three months.”

Startled, I stare at her. “Three months? Is that a normal reaction to a fall?”

She hesitates. “That’s quite a bit of loss, but not necessarily unusual.

Head injuries are complicated and unique.

” She sighs. “But, please, don’t worry about that.

What’s important now is that you’re awake and seem to be functioning well.

I’ll call the doctor to do a full evaluation. Welcome back, Rebecca.”

I nod because I’m supposed to.

The days wear on. My mother comes to visit a few times and at just the right dose we both can tolerate.

Awkward silences remind us of our strained relationship, though we sit dutifully through the tension.

She has no insight to offer about the missing months, and I’m not surprised we hadn’t communicated while I was gone.

Our fragile relationship was part of what fueled my enrollment in the first place.

My primary support comes from the warm nursing staff and friendly therapist who’s quickly become a friend.

We still haven’t uncovered any memories, but just having an outlet to air my insecurities eases my troubled spirit.

I look forward to our sessions, and feel a sense of relief when I see her smile in the doorway.

“Hi, Rebecca! How are you feeling today? Sam tells me you had a rough night.”

“Hi, Anna. Yeah, I keep having these strange nightmares.”

“Nightmares. Really.” Anna closes the door and takes her seat by the window. I push up from the bed and swing my legs over the edge.

“Well, they’re not exactly nightmares. They’re just so graphic that I can’t get them out of my head.”

“What are they about?”

Heat spreads up my neck and into my face.

“Don’t be embarrassed. Our dreams reveal a great deal about our subconscious. In your case, they could be essential to triggering memories.”

I study my hands and draw in a breath. “They’re about a man…” My heart races; tingles spread over my body at the memories. “I mean, not a man, young. My age.” I huff a laugh. “Never mind. It’s stupid. I’m just lonely and want a boyfriend, I guess.”

Anna isn’t amused and inches closer in her chair. “It’s not stupid. What did this person look like? Tell me everything you remember.”

I bite my lip. Remember? I can’t think about anything else. “He has dark hair and… This is stupid.”

“It’s not. Do you remember what he was wearing? Anything else about him?”

He’s practically standing in front of me when I close my eyes.

If I reached out, maybe I’d feel his warm skin.

At least that would explain the weird fire burning through my body when I think about him.

“It’s almost scary what I feel every time he looks at me…

.” I swallow as my pulse begins its instinctive fury.

“Things I never feel, never felt. My whole life has been a blur of other people’s lives.

Their memories. Their passions. But this dream, the intensity…

It’s me for once. I’m the one in love.” I shake my head.

It sounds so ludicrous out loud. “Never mind. It’s stupid.

I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“Why not?”

Because it’s not real. Because a ridiculous dream makes me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt awake. Because I’m jealous of myself, longing for a ghost of my subconscious. I can’t afford impossible fantasies right now. Not ever, if I can help it.

“It’s not real, and I don’t want to fantasize about something I’ll never have.”

Anna’s face melts into compassion. “You don’t think you’re capable of such love?”

“Capable?” I huff a dry laugh. “I have no idea if I’m capable, but I know I’ll never have the chance to find out.

I can’t get close to anyone. The minute people find out I can see into their heads they run screaming.

And the worst part? I don’t blame them. Most of the time, I’m just as repulsed by what I see. Even my own mother is afraid of me.”

“That sounds like a lonely existence.”

I try for a wry smile but give up. I can’t even pretend anymore. “Anyway, my point is, it’s not real and it only hurts to think about. I don’t want to know what I’m missing.”

“I understand, but I think this is telling us something important.”

“That I need a dating app?”

Anna chuckles. “No, but it’s an unusually warm day for December. Let’s go for a walk.”

I’m not sure why Anna felt the sudden need to explore nature, but the crisp air does wonders for my weighted existence.

“Better?” she asks when we’re a safe distance from the hospital. We head along one of the campus’ many nature trails, and I feel free for the first time.

“Actually, yes. Much better. Thank you. I didn’t even know I needed this.”

Anna smiles. “Good. Here, let’s sit.”

She leads me to a bench, and I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jacket.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

I nod and wait as she glances around before leaning in. “We’ve been meeting for a few weeks now, and I could tell you didn’t remember anything about your time at Madison Academy.”

“I still don’t.”

Anna shakes her head. “You do.”

Confused, I stare at her and try to read her expression as she draws in a deep breath.

“I’m almost positive you’re starting to remember Daniel.”

“Who’s Daniel? What are you talking about?” I ask, completely lost.

Anna sends me a warning look. “Shh. Keep your voice down. No one can hear us. Your dreams are more than that. They’re memories. Daniel told me the last time they tried to erase your memories, it didn’t stick. He was hoping that would happen again. I think it is.”

“Are you telling me that the guy from my dreams, this Daniel, is actually someone I know?”

She nods. “And someone you loved. You are capable of feeling that way, and you do. He feels the same about you. He sacrificed himself for your freedom.”

Now I’m just angry. Is this a joke? “This isn’t funny. It’s just a dream. People have them all the time.”

“It’s not, Rebecca.” Her gentle tone fixes nothing. She makes it worse when she sighs and reaches into her pocket to retrieve her phone. I swear, if she’s going to throw studies in my face right now… “That’s him, isn’t it? The boy from your dream?”

I gasp, my heart stuttering in my chest. “Where did you get that? How did you…?”

“Please, calm down. I know this is shocking, but it’s starting to come back, and I need to guide you through this. Daniel needs your help. I tried to intervene the only way I could, but our plan backfired, and now his hopes rest on you.”

My eyes lock on the familiar ghost. He’s a phantom. A dream. A fantasy. There shouldn’t be a picture. “Who is he?”

“I can’t tell you that. I can’t risk telling you anything and tainting your memories. We need them to return on their own, with absolute integrity.”

“So what am I supposed to do until then?”

“Nothing. Just don’t tell anyone that your memories are returning. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you the truth anyway. We’ll just have to wait for you to see it on your own. Until then, we’ll use our sessions together to help bring more back.”

Frustrated, I grab the phone and stare at the photo. My stomach constricts at the vibrant eyes gazing back at me. Intelligent, haunted. Gosh, he’s beautiful, just like my dream. “Was I still in love with him when I left?” I trace his features with my finger.

“Yes. Very much so. It was the reason you left.”

“I didn’t fall off a stage, did I.”

Anna shakes her head. “No, Daniel erased your memories to protect you. He hoped they’d come back once you were safe.”

“Am I safe now?”

“No. But you will be as long as no one knows you remember anything. You’re not a threat to them right now. We only have one chance at this, which is why it’s critical we play it right.”

“But don’t you work for them? Why are you helping us?”

She blinks away sudden moisture in her eyes.

“I’ve watched them torture and experiment on that boy for many years.

I watched him withdraw and become a statue in order to survive.

I should have stepped in earlier, but when your memories return you’ll know why it was impossible.

I couldn’t take it anymore and did something so horrendous I still can’t sleep at night.

It was terrible, but we agreed it was the only way he could escape.

It was all he begged for. Then you came along. ”

“Me?”

She wipes her eyes through a weak smile.

“You reminded him that he’s still human and maybe there’s something worth fighting for.

You turned his quest for survival into a reason to live.

I’m here because he deserves that chance, and you deserve to help give it to him.

You two need each other. Don’t ignore your dream. That’s your foundation.”

“You realize this all sounds ridiculous, right?” Even as I say it, a deep part of me hopes it’s not. My blood pounds harder the longer I stare at the familiar stranger. I want to know him, touch him, consume him like I do in my dreams. I want him to live and have everything Anna thinks he deserves.

“I’m sorry if I’ve overwhelmed you. I don’t expect you to trust me yet or believe what I’m telling you. All I’m asking is that you reserve judgment until your memories return.”

“So is this Daniel okay? I’m not fighting for a memory? He’s still alive?” I don’t like the way she pales and stares at her hands.

“He’s alive,” she says without looking at me.

“But?”

Anna wipes her eyes again and pushes herself up. “That’s all I can tell you right now. We have to get back before we raise suspicions. Remember, not a word to anyone, or all of us will be in danger.”