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I must still be disoriented when it seems like Clausen is helping me up.
“I’m truly sorry for this, Rebecca. This was not our first choice. I know you don’t have any answers, and we have no desire to hurt you again.”
I squint up at him through a swollen right eye, struggling to suck in air.
He sighs. “This was unfortunate, but for the next part to be effective, you need a fresh memory of pain.” He lets me go when I recoil. “Oh my dear, I don’t mean you.” He crosses back to Daniel. “Take note of how you feel, Rebecca. We’ll give you both some time to think over your options.”
Daniel curses after they leave. “Are you okay?” he calls over to me.
I force a nod and cough. “I’m okay.” I’m far from okay.
“I’m so sorry. I should have seen this coming.”
“Is what you said true?”
“I’m not telling you anything else. They can’t extract what you don’t know.”
“That won’t work!”
He doesn’t look at me. “Yes it will.”
No! Wait. What’s he doing? “Are they going to hurt you? I don’t even know anything you haven’t already told them.”
“Exactly.”
“But you heard what Clausen said. They’re going to hurt you to get me to talk!”
Daniel clenches his eyes shut.
“Daniel!”
“I’m not telling you anything else.”
“You have to! If you don’t—you have to give me something that will make them stop!”
He shakes his head. “They want a name, Rebecca. They want the senator. They want details of a plan that doesn’t exist. They want all the things I can’t give them. You know it as well as I do.”
“Did you really just save the pills up over time?”
“Yes.”
“You’re lying!”
His gaze hardens. “Do you trust me, Rebecca?”
I swallow. “How can I? All you ever do is lie to me as much as anyone else.”
He softens, and I hate that despite everything, I’d still do anything for him.
Give my life if I had to. His eyes bleed a sadness that tells me he reads my loyalty and will refuse to accept it.
“Every truth I’ve ever told you has come back to harm you, Rebecca.
Every inch closer you get to me, the more you get hurt.
Look at you. This is on me! There’s only one way for me to protect you. ”
His words strike hard. Deep to the point where they punch all remaining protests from my lungs.
“I can’t just watch,” I whisper, and he looks away.
“I can take a lot.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Our eyes meet again, and my body tingles with the mix of passion and terror that drives me mad. “Clausen was right. I do love you.”
His expression both warms and crushes me.
“I’ve used a lot of people in my life in an attempt to survive.
I’ve used you too, Rebecca. You were right not to trust me all the time.
But.” He stops, and I hold my breath. “I do care about you. Maybe it’s love.
I don’t know. I don’t even know if I love the same way as everyone else, but I know that I’ll die before I let them curse you with this fate. Please don’t make me fight you too.”
I close my eyes and shake my head. Beauty in violence, the theme of my existence, the reason I can never bring myself to turn away from horror.
It’s here I found my purpose. My identity.
My match. Daniel understands me on a level no one ever will, and now I’m about to lose my connection, my other half I never dreamed I’d find.
We’re children of the shadows who somehow found light in each other. It can’t end this way.
“I’m not going to let them hurt you,” he says.
“I’m not afraid of being hurt. I’m afraid of losing you.”
He looks away, and I know he feels it too—the pull that nurtures and destroys us. “You’re going to be okay, I promise. You won’t know what you’re missing when you forget.”
I freeze. “What are you saying? What are you going to do?”
“Nothing. How are you feeling? Remember to get ice on those welts as soon as you get back to your room.”
Wait... “No! Don’t make me forget again! I don’t want to forget you!”
He closes his eyes as tears burn in mine. “Please don’t do this! Please!”
“Rebecca. It’s going to be okay.”
“No! I can’t forget again! Daniel, please! Please!”
He searches my face as if taking in everything he can. “Just know—”
But he’s cut off by the crash of the door.
Clausen enters with his entourage, and we stare at the additional equipment wheeled into the room.
“Go ahead,” Clausen says to an assistant who approaches Daniel with a syringe.
The prisoner glares at them but barely flinches when the needle punctures his arm.
I shudder at the casual way he accepts the injection.
How many times have they been through this routine?
But something’s wrong when his eyes shoot to Clausen in alarm.
“What is this?” His voice slurs. “What…”
“What are you doing to him?” I ask, pushing up from the floor.
“Calm down, we’re just sedating him. You and I need to talk and the next phase will be more effective if he’s disoriented.”
Two assistants hold him in place while another attaches a series of straps.
Clausen turns to me. “You’ve seen things about this room in your visions. It’s time you understand what you’re seeing. We’re not evil, Rebecca. We’re not out to torture our most gifted treasure. We’re on the cutting edge of neuroscience and biopsychology research.”
I gasp and drop to the folding chair. “You are experimenting on him.”
Clausen sighs. “You make it sound sadistic. It’s not like that.
By studying all of you, we’re uncovering vast reserves of knowledge mainstream researchers can only dream about.
” He turns away and studies his unconscious victim with a disturbing wonder.
“Daniel is special in a way that none of us can fully comprehend yet. Even he doesn’t understand his true potential.
In Daniel we have a phenomenal test subject that is irreplaceable in his nature, endurance, and incredible mental capacity. ”
He faces me again. “We’re talking about advances that can impact millions, if not billions of lives, for generations to come.
Think about the implications for the evolutionary chain.
Based on what we’ve learned from our research on him and the rest of you, we’ve already laid the foundation for extraordinary scientific leaps. ”
I don’t care. He’s insane. Where does that come into play?
“Did you know Ben’s hold on others has nothing to do with traditional sexual attraction? He has the ability to release neurotransmitters that mimic the euphoric rush of heroin. Ben literally creates a chemical reaction in people’s brains that makes him addictive. Think of the implications!”
“So what?” I spit back, sick at the thought that Daniel’s spent eleven years strapped to that equipment.
“Even if I accepted your argument that it’s okay to sacrifice a few for the greater good, everything I’ve seen is purely selfish.
Daniel pays your bills, and you’re crazy if you expect me to applaud you for hiding in the shadows and scrapping the ethical codes legitimate scientists have to follow. ”
Clausen almost looks sad. “I’m sorry you feel that way.
I suppose it’s to be expected when you view the situation through his lens, but I assure you there is a bigger picture.
Deep down, even he understands that to some extent.
It brings me no pleasure watching him suffer, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil.
Psychology especially has an extensive track record of paradigm-shifting studies that would never be considered ethical by today’s standards.
We’re constantly referencing them with only a quick footnote of conscience.
Think of all the knowledge we’re missing because we can’t make someone uncomfortable like we used to do. ”
I never hated anyone more. “You’re trying to justify torture. No one deserves this.”
He shrugs. “Accept my stance or don’t, but we still end up here at the present impasse. Give me the name of the person who helped him, and we’ll give you your life back.”
“I don’t know anything. Besides, I don’t believe you’d give me my life back at this point. You probably want to get inside my head too. If what you said is true, my abilities are almost as valuable as his.”
My stomach twists beneath his calculated gaze.
“There’s a lot you could add to the advancement of our species.
Your ability to impact the future is obviously of particular interest. But we have ways to give you your life back without losing our hold.
Regardless, resolving the present dilemma is of more value to me than learning about your gifts, so I’m willing to make the trade. ”
“And I’m just supposed to walk away and leave him here for your paradigm-shifting experiments?”
“It’s your choice. You can stay and watch if you prefer.”
“My preference would be for you to enjoy all the wonderful knowledge you’ve already stolen from him and let him live in peace. Hasn’t he earned a normal life? At what point does he no longer have to be sacrificed for the rest of us?”
Clausen waves his hand in dismissal. “Daniel will never have a normal life. He knows that better than anyone. He’s a creature of our system and he’s the heartbeat of our research.
He’s the perfect test subject for all that we glean from our studies on the rest of you.
He’s irreplaceable, and we’ve successfully created an environment where he has no recourse but to accept his role.
He has, hasn’t he? How many times have the two of you argued over that very issue? ”
“If he’s so accepting of his fate, why did he try to end his life? Why has he tried before? You can lie to yourself all you want, but you’re just a monster with some expensive degrees!”
Table of Contents
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- Page 38 (Reading here)
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