Page 69 of Gates of Tartarus

“I think it would be wise if Agent Smith listened to you next time you need a break,” he says, voice short. Smith, looking shaken, nods. “I know Ms. Cole is due in sometime today, but I’d recommend a brief soak in the tub, Kailani.” He continues brusquely, though not unkindly. “That is, if Smith will consent to release you.”

The waves upon waves of roller-coaster emotion in the room are making me nauseous, and I stand shakily. “That’s fine, Reed,” Smith says, a small tremor in his studiously flat voice, the sound making me more sick. “Go ahead.”

Rubbing the bridge of my nose against the stinging pain of tears pressing me, I gather my stuff, still shaking. I try to pick up my bag twice before a gently smiling Jonah gets it for me, and I look at him through watery, grateful eyes. “Let me help out here, Kai,” he says softly. “What can I pack for you?”

“She’s done for the day,” Smith says, more firmly now. “It’s the tank and then home. So pack it all up.” I don’t even look at him, just keep getting my things together.I can’t believe I lost my shit that badly, I think.Control, Kai, control!

Trying to gather my thoughts, I’m beyond surprised, and stupidly touched, when Walker comes over to where Jonah and I are fumbling to get my gear together as quickly as possible. “It’s okay, Reed,” he says, the sweetness in his voice almost destroying me. I could have handled almost anything else from Walker, anything that I could have fought back against, but the heart-melting sympathy stealing my breath. “Hey, Shotridge, pass me that, yeah?” And the two quickly and carefully make sure I have everything I need.

“These your keys?” Walker asks, and I look at the little circle in his hand, noting, for the first time, the small, silver compass attached to the keys. I grab them from his hand, staring at the circle, a beautiful compass rose in the middle of the NSEW, and in the center of the rose, a tiny line-etching of my cabin. Holding them so tightly I can feel the imprint of the key cutting into my hand, the pain and the weight of the keychain anchor me to an image of Lachy that calms me and focuses me.

“Yeah,” I say, staring down at them. “These are mine.” The change in my voice sends some sort of strange, tense energy shooting through the guys, but I have my walls up so tightly now I couldn’t place it even if I wanted to. Jonah stands next to me and pulls me to my feet.

“I’ll walk you down, Kai–” he begins, but Hideo interrupts him, pushing him to the side, and takes my hand.

“I’lltake her,” he says firmly. “I’m her handler.”

Grabbing my bag from me, he pulls me out the door, shutting it firmly behind him, and escorts me down to the tanks. At the door he looks me over critically, hangs up my bag, and wraps his arms around me, pulling me against him. I’m stiff and incompliant, but he holds me gently until my body gives, collapsing against him.

“You’re okay,” he whispers softly against my hair. “You’re okay.”

“I didn’t mean…” I mumble pitifully against his chest, and I can feel him nod.

“We know, KaiKai. We all know. Even Smith, whatever has him on edge, knows. It’s okay now. Hop on in the tank and take a long soak, okay? And then I’ll walk you to your car.” The last is said with a twist to his words that slips across my consciousness like a cloud. He hugs me close again and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Come on. Don’t take Smith so seriously. Something’s going on with him... I don’t know what. But it doesn’t have anything to do with you.” Fumbling with the sound machine, he turns on my specific mix, making me smile in spite of the pit in my stomach.

“You know my mix?” I ask, and he shakes his head at me like I’m the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen.

“Hop in the tank. I’ll wait here until you’re done.”

“You don’t have to wait, D,” I say quietly, and he shakes his head again.

“I’ll wait.” He walks over and sits in a seat against the wall, turning the lights off on the way so I can slip into the tank unseen. I fumble in the pitch-black room for a moment before taking the two steps to the tank, dropping my clothes on the floor on the way. But I’ve forgotten about the pale-blue glow from the tank’s lid as you open it, and I freeze for a moment, curves outlined in the dark room, illuminated by the thin line of light from the edge of the tank. Without thinking, I look towards the corner where I know Deo is sitting, and though I can’t see him, I can sense the weight of his eyes, unmoving, on me. I don’t think he can see anything but shadow, but I feel like I am on display, naked, in front of him.

“Get in the tank, Kailani.” His command is almost a whisper, low and raspy, forced out between clenched teeth, the edge of a growl behind it. It breaks me from my frozen state, and I hurry to slide into the tank, closing the lid as rapidly as possible.

“Jesus Christ,” I hear him say under his breath just before the lid snaps shut. “I pay and I fucking pay.”

Finding My Inner Goddess

Saturday, 17 November – Maela

Another sleepless night… of intense lust sprinkled with a soupçon of worry over just how this scenario is really going to work out. But mostly lust. Now that the guys have said they’re cool with things – well, not in so many words – but basically, it’s as if the flood gates have burst wide open. My wantonness knoweth no bounds. And while my mind might yet be gibbering, my body is forcibly reminding me that it’s been a year. So I make a decision, as I watch the first alabaster rays of dawn drift through the window: now that I have three boyfriends, it’s time to release my inner goddess. It’s nice being pampered, but I can’t have them looking out for me 24/7. That’s just not attractive. Elizabeth is right: I have got to start behaving like the strong, confident sex poodle I just know is lurking somewhere deep inside me. Yes, I need to be careful, but what is the point of self-defense lessons if I’m going to cower in the house?

I get dressed quietly in a thin, navy-blue sweater, jeans, and my trusty ankle boots. The house is hushed, and I decide I’ll forgo coffee. I don’t want to wake anyone, and I can get my fix at the café one street over. I creep down the stairs and toward the front door, pleased that I haven’t stumbled or sneezed or otherwise given the game away.Maela Driscoll: ninja! I reach out for the handle.

“Just where do you think you’re going?” a voice booms behind me.

I emit a noise so high-pitched that even a bat couldn’t hear it. “Holy hell! Seven holy hells! What the… what the… what!”

“Yes, what?” Kavi’s looming in the hallway, muscled arms crossed over a white tee-shirt, scowling down ferociously at me. In the dim light, his eyes actually appear to be glowing, and I step back a little uneasily.

“I’m just… I’m just…”

“Yes?” He sounds uncomfortably like a sergeant major, ready to tear a strip off a hapless private, and his accent is even crisper than usual.

I decide that the best form of defense is a good offense. “What do you think you were doing, scaring me like that? My hair is standing on end. Literally. It’ll probably fall out and I’ll go bald, and it will be all your fault!”

“The question is: have I managed to scare some sense into you?”