Page 135 of Gates of Tartarus

“It’s not something we’ve come across,” he says slowly, “but, in theory? It would stand to reason. There’s nothing at all about it, though, in any of Babylon’s or Stargate’s research.” He looks troubled, a faint line appearing between his eyebrows.

“And the other week,” I prop my chin on my hand, barely resisting the urge to chew on a nail, “Magda mentioned something about ‘partial immunity’ and ‘running low’. Seef, if a drug could turn on my ability, could a drug also negate it?”

His face tightens. “There’s a lot we don’t know. But I’d say anything is possible. Take Gaia’s latest drug, which we assume precipitated your visions. When it works as it’s meant to, it alters the brain chemistry to help treat depression, mania, PTSD. It’s close to ketamine, originally used as an anesthetic, now widely abused as a club drug. Too high a dose, and it can cause hallucinations.” He pauses, eyes narrowed. “We think that’s why Kronos wants Cole’s drug; refined, it could cause the high without the hallucinations. So, it’s possible that someone somewhere has come up with a formula to control them, to bring people down, and stumbled across another use.”

“Which means,” I continue, feeling chilled, “that Magda would have to know about that use, to know there was something to block in the first place, which means…”

“She herself may have the ability to remote view,” Seef finishes grimly. “Jesus! It can’t be!”

“Why? I can do it. Why not Magda?”

“Maela, do you realize how rare you are? Babylon’s been researching the psychic sciences for years, and before that the Stargate Project, and in all that time, there have only been a handful of viewers. Most of them could only see in flashes.”

“Maybe that’s why she wants the formula,” I persist. “Somehow, she’s found out what it can do. Maybe she wants to enhance her ability.”

“Fuck! I hope you’re wrong, Maela. If not, we’ve got a much bigger problem than a mole at Gaia.”

Chalk Drawings

Wednesday, 5 December – Kailani

Idon’t know how many times Smith has called my name, but irritation has ebbed into concern, so it’s probably been several. Startled out of my blank stare, I look up and focus on him, head now buzzing, to meet his worried gaze.

“Kailani…” he says for what is obviously the fourth or fifth time. “You with us?”

Nodding, I rub my temples as Jonah mutters under his breath, “Itoldyou meeting at the precinct would stress her too much.”

We’re back in our old room, and though it feels like a million years have gone by, it’s only been a week and a half or so since the last time we were all here. It’s amazing how much can change in such a short period though. Jonah and Walker are flanking me now, with Hideo by himself across the table, and Smith standing at the head – three strange little camps, visible fractures in our team. Smith is clearly trying to push through the awkwardness and focus on the problems at hand, which I appreciate, but the low rumble of emotion in the room is like distant thunder, setting my teeth on edge. A storm is coming, static dancing in the thick air, and the promise of cold is heavy around me.

Surprisingly, Walker reaches out to grab my hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb, brow furrowed as he looks at me. “You still having trouble focusing?” he asks quietly, and I just stare at him, mute. “Hmmm.” He makes a nondescript sound and sighs. “Okay,” he responds to a question I missed Smith asking. “I’m on board.”

“Me too,” echoes Jonah, almost apologetically. “Sorry, Kai.”

Wait, what? What am I missing here? Trying to focus, I look back and forth between the guys, who studiously avoid my questioning gaze.Shiiiiit. What am I missing?

Hideo’s face is dark, close to angry. “I’m still not sure this is a good idea…” he says warningly, clearly repeating something he’s said before, but Smith shrugs uncaringly.

“Noted,” Smith replies casually. “But you have no concerns about her abilities?”

Hideo grudgingly shakes his head.

“Right,” Smith barks out decisively. “Then she’s in. Doll?” He buzzes the intercom at the head of the table, calling out for...fuck. For Gemma?

With that thought, I look up, startled, to meet Gemma’s careful gaze. “Well what the fuck?” I bluster, taken aback. “I mean... what the fuck? When did we even talk about this?”

Smith sighs deeply, echoed by the rest of the guys, and he moves over to me. In a surprisingly gentle voice, he says, “Kai?” and squats down in front of me, meeting my eyes. “We’ve been talking about it and debating it for the last half hour. She still has an active clearance from her time with CDS, and Babylon has accepted her on a temporary basis until you’re back on your feet. The fact is, we need you. And you’re not all here. You need help that we can’t give you.”

I want to protest, want to say he’s wrong, but am stunned that I’ve blacked out half an hour of discussion without remembering any of it. I’m holding my shaky walls so tightly that everything –everything– is locked out.

“I... I…” My voice is strangled. “I’m not comfortable with any of this,” I finally say, distress clear in my shaking tone. Taking a deep breath, I reach deep inside for strength and try again. “I am not comfortable.”

Walker lets out a heavy breath and moves to stand in front of me. He sighs, then speaks, though it’s almost like the words are being forced from him. “You don’t have a choice, Kai.” He’s reluctant, but firm, and I turn to him, eyes wide with betrayal. He winces at the look on my face and gently cups my cheek in his hand, ignoring the rest of the team. “You don’t have a choice. You need time to heal, but we need you to be here. Please. Just...please.”

His green eyes lock with mine, and there’s such a naked pleading in his voice, such distressed vulnerability written heavy on his face, that I answer before I think about it. “Of course, Walker, if it’s that important to you. It’s okay.”

The others look surprised, but the gratitude that flashes across Walker’s face outweighs any regret I may feel at my hasty reply.

Hideo addresses me directly for the first time since the hospital. “You’re really okay with this, Kailani?” he asks, suspicion clear in his words. “Because that’s the agreement – to be here, you have to promise to let Doll block you. No trying to find the run arounds on this one.”