Page 37 of From Angel to Rogue (Four Foxes #6)

LAN

I didn’t know the first thing about being a father.

I didn’t particularly have a typical childhood, one would say. My biological father loved me, but I hardly saw him, played with him, or had dinner with him. He was always too busy running his empire. And the other person who fathered me was Owen.

But even though I loved and respected him, he was more a cool uncle I never had rather than an actual father figure.

My unusual upbringing made me question if I was fit enough to raise my children. I think I was doing a pretty good job with Luka, but then that kid was such a good boy, and he already had my heart.

But babies were a whole different thing.

Twins at that.

I would have to be the guiding parental figure in their life.

I would be the one to teach them everything a father should.

Teach them about love, loss, and kindness. Teach them how to respect women. Teach them about life.

I liked to be the most unserious person in the room. I’d rather hop on my bike and ride away than face real problems or involve myself in arguments. But raising kids was the opposite of that.

There were going to be fights that I had to break apart, be the voice of reason, be their fucking father.

How the hell did I do that?

Katy assured me that every new parent felt this way and since we were already raising a kid, it shouldn’t be that hard. But I could tell that she was scared too.

I guess we both would figure it out as we went. Katy was more important to me, and if I felt like she was there with me, then I could do anything.

A sudden loud wail echoed through the walls. Like sharp crackles on a fractured ground.

My eyes went straight to Katy, who was previously enjoying a cupcake, but now her face was ashen, her treat halting mid-bite.

I didn’t even have another second to think as I leaped to my feet and ran to Luka’s room.

The sight of Luka writhing and twisting in his small bed almost made my heart sink to the floor.

“Luka,” Katy gasped and rushed to his side, and I swiftly followed.

Tiny whimpers escaped his lips, and his eyes were squeezed shut like he was in pain.

Katy dropped to his side in panic and carefully drew Luka into her arms and started to softly whisper to him. “It’s okay, baby. Katy’s here. Wake up now, Luka.” Her quivering lips pressed a kiss to his forehead. “It’s okay, buddy. Katy and Lan are here.”

But he only trembled and cried in silent agony.

Katy looked like she was right about to burst any second, and a scathing pain slithered through my chest at the sight of both of them.

I scooted closer and softly rubbed his back while Katy rocked him slowly in her arms like he was going to disappear any second.

It took a couple of minutes, but his cries quieted to tiny whimpers and wheezy breaths. He blinked his eyes open, his wet lashes clinging to each other.

“Katiew?” His scratchy, sleep-laden voice asked her.

The worry in Katy’s eyes didn’t fade as she softly swept his hair back. “Hey, buddy.”

He kept blinking like he didn’t understand what was going on. The remnants of his tears leaked out of the corner of his eyes, and Katy quickly wiped them away.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Luka’s glittering brown eyes bounced between Katy and me like he still didn’t understand what was going on.

Katy’s eyes met mine. He didn’t remember, and we didn’t want to remind him.

“Luka, Katy and I decided to sleep over with you tonight. Is that okay?” I asked with a smile, squeezing his shoulder.

It took a second for Luka to understand my question.

“Like a sleepover?” he asked quietly.

“Yes, my sweet boy.” Katy smiled widely at him, her eyes filled with adoration.

“Okay.” Luka’s lips spread into a smile at hers.

I guess my angel had that effect on everyone.

She softly glided his brown locks away and kissed his cheek. “Come on, let’s get you settled.”

“Okay,” he muttered. “Do I get to cuddle with you and Lawndon?”

“Yes, you little monster,” I said, tackling him into my arms and a chuckle bubbled out of him.

The bed was too small for the three of us, but we managed with Luka snuggled on top of me and Katy cuddled to my side.

Luka was out in seconds after I draped him over my chest.

This time, he slept quietly and soundly, his face soft and lips pouted like his nightmare was far, far away. Like he dreamed of happy clouds and sunshine. Like every child should.

“Do you think he needs help?” Katy asked, her tone still holding worry.

She hasn’t stopped looking at him or tenderly combing her fingers through his hair.

His social worker, Naomi did say that he wouldn’t need any therapy until he was older or maybe even never and said that he was doing fine because he was still young.

But she did warn us that he would have occasional nightmares that made him terrified to sleep.

“I don’t think so,” I whispered. “I don’t want him to relive all those memories. But we’ll get him help if this gets frequent and disturbs his daily life.”

She nodded. “He seems to be doing well with us though. He’s happy.”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid.” My soft eyes glided to his sleeping form.

She heaved a heavy sigh. “I don’t think I can sleep anymore tonight. Do you mind if I go get my yarn?”

“Of course not.”

I want to go get it for her, but Luka was in my arms, and I didn’t want to wake him up.

She cast me a small smile and gave a longing look to Luka before she carefully slid her pregnant body out of bed and padded out of the room and my eyes couldn’t stray away from her.

She was almost six months along now. And she more than showed. Her belly was so big that she had to lean back to walk. Since she was carrying twins, they were bigger than usual. I had no idea how my boys grew out of nowhere, but they did.

I inhaled at that thought. My boys. But were they really? I didn’t doubt my Katy. I never could.

Things still weren’t clear about what happened that night.

Katy had already forgotten all about it, but I couldn’t.

The cameras really weren’t working that night at the Fairmount, but there was nothing the Greigewood name couldn’t uncover.

But even then, I couldn’t imagine those kids being anyone’s but mine. It didn’t matter the circumstance, and even biologically, if I wasn’t their father, it wouldn’t matter because I already loved them and felt like their father.

Footsteps halted my thoughts and dragged my eyes to the angel entering the room.

She never looked more beautiful.

Like an ethereal angel, with soft golden hair and a gentle smile on her lips.

And the way she looked at me like I was her whole world.

Her arms were full of a red yarn ball with two needles sticking out on top. Her previous work, which was already twenty inches long, was hanging out of it. There was also a glass of chocolate milkshake in her other hand.

I helped her adjust the pillows and settle her into a comfortable position.

“Thanks, Lan,” she mumbled, sighing as she took a sip of her shake before easing the needles out of the wool ball. Within minutes, her hands were working like magic.

So effortlessly.

Precise and smooth.

I loved watching her knit. There was something peaceful about the way she did it. Like a kind of unwavering calmness overtook her body.

She didn’t even have to worry about her lost skills. She just had to sit with her needles and yarns, and it came naturally to her. Like a long-lost muscle memory.

She was in shock when she started to knit the stitches for the first time. Awe overtook her eyes when she realized that she remembered all her patterns.

And ever since that day, she hasn’t stopped knitting. Even Luka had taken an interest in her hobby and had been helping her like a little assistant.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her while she knitted what she called my ugly sweater, but it looked fine to me. More than fine.

She confessed this was the project she was excited to complete the summer I came to Bellevue and said it felt like a full circle moment that she was back to doing the things that made her happy.

Katy and I didn’t leave Luka’s side that night or the following two days.

And Luka was back to his usual self, almost as if last night didn’t even happen. I was thankful that kids had the ability to forget things easily. I knew that somewhere in the back of his mind, he still held those vile memories.

Katy and I joining as a unit to take care of him gave me an ounce of confidence.

Maybe I could do this after all, without worrying every second.

I could be the best father to my three children.

Even if I couldn’t, I would try till the day I died.