Page 2 of From Angel to Rogue (Four Foxes #6)

Every cell in my body froze as my panicked eyes flew to him. “Wh…what do you mean by that?”

His jaw clenched as he leaned over the counter.

“I’ve been with you for eleven fucking years.

You think I don’t know that you lie to me all the fucking time.

You act like you’re busier than ever when we just cleared up all our fucking schedule.

You look half yourself, Katy. So fucking tell me what’s wrong? What the fuck is going on with you?”

A sting burned my throat, but I suppressed it with a smile. “Why would anything be wrong with me, Lan? I’m completely fine. Just tired, I guess.”

I watched as he squeezed his lids shut and let out a sigh before he slowly made his way to me.

My breath hitched and my back hit the counter when he came to a stop just a breath away from me.

Lan held my cheek in his hand, so warm and tender.

“Don’t lie, for once, just don’t lie,” he whispered, his brooding eyes on mine.

“You insisted we stay in LA, but you haven’t stayed more than a week here since all our friends moved across the country.

You won’t spend more than a few fucking hours with me.

You said we would finally get married and start a family, angel.

But…but I don’t think I believe you anymore. ”

Silent seconds passed as I looked at him. The more those brown eyes held my gaze, the louder my heart thundered. And nerves flooded my blood.

“We can’t,” I whispered before I could stop myself. Something in his voice broke everything in me, every lie I built, every layer I cloaked, and every fear that poisoned my blood. They all broke.

Fear gripped my heart.

Why did I say it?

Why did I say it?

Why the hell did I say it ?

But deep down, I knew. I knew it was to mask the other reason, a reason that had wreaked havoc on me for the past couple of weeks, that night .

I had been ruined since that night, and it crippled me with fear, so much fear that I was losing myself to the point that I was confessing the secret I kept to myself for years.

“What?” His eyes rounded. “We can’t what?”

My heart thudded a beat I didn’t recognize, and my mind blanked. All the years of tightly kept pain and hurt swindled out of me.

“We can’t do that…it’s not possible for us.” My voice cracked and salty tears started to leak out of my eyes.

“What’s not possible for us, Katy?” He frowned as his thumb swept over my wet cheek.

Looking into his troubled eyes, filled full of love, love for me, I just couldn’t take it anymore. “We can’t start a family,” I said quietly, so low a whisper that I thought he almost didn’t hear it.

“What do you mean?”

“Family, we can…can’t start a family.”

My heartbeat boomed between us like a thundering storm.

“A family?” he muttered, wiping away my tears.

“Yes, a family. We can’t. It’s impossible for us, impossible because of…because of me.” My veins pulsed with pain, so much of it laced with embarrassment and shame.

“What are you talking about, K?” He shook his head, confused. “Don’t you want that? It’s all you talked about when you were young.”

“N…no, you don’t understand.” My blurry eyes landed on him as my entire world crumbled. “I ca…can’t get pre…pregnant.”

It took a second for him to understand, and when he did, shock and pain crossed his eyes.

“Fucking hell,” he breathed. “Is that why you’ve been off lately?

” Lan gathered me in his arms so gently, his hard muscles all over my softness.

“I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” He softly drew the dirty-blond strands sticking to my face and gave me a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay. It’s still fine. It won’t change a thing.

We still have plenty of options if you want one. There are so many ways we can do this.”

“We don’t really have any options,” I said in a voice I didn’t recognize. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. “I haven’t had a period in six years.”

“That’s ok—” I felt his muscles still as his stunned eyes flew to me. “What did you just say?”

“I haven’t had a period in six years,” I said in a low tone.

“But you have. I’ve seen it. You complain about it every month…” He stopped, a thin line forming over his jaw as he let out a baffled exhale. “You’ve been lying. All this time, you’ve been lying to me?”

I swallowed. “Yes.”

Pain and hurt flashed in his eyes as he took a step back. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Shame crowded my blood. “Because I couldn’t give you what you want.”

“And you think that’s what I want?” he asked in disbelief.

“You think I want children? I want you more , Katy. You think I’m going to hold it against you that you can’t have children?

You think I would leave you for something like that?

Is that all you think of me?” His voice rose with each word as his furious eyes swept over me.

And when I didn’t say anything, he shook his head like he didn’t recognize me anymore.

There it was.

The moment I’d been dreading all my life.

The moment I tried so hard to prevent.

The moment when my meticulously compiled facade ended.

It was here, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

LAN

All the light dimmed from those green eyes that I loved very much.

Dimmed so dull that I hardly recognized those soulless, dead eyes anymore.

Was that the way she’d been looking at me all these years and I was too dumb to see it?

I knew my Katy lied to me, but I thought they were plain white lies that, at times, I found them adorable and funny. Her lies never annoyed me because I thought there was nothing malicious about them.

But I have come to the conclusion that it was far from the truth.

The woman I loved with all that I was had been hiding from me, had been tricking me.

And right this second, I couldn’t feel my heart beating.

Never in all these years I spent loving her had I felt so misunderstood, so low…

She didn’t say anything. She just stood there like a ghost.

“Katy?”

As if my voice snapped her out of whatever world she was in, she brought her attention back to me.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

At any other time, people would’ve found it funny knowing that Katy Evans didn’t know what to say. Because she always had something to say. With her sharp mouth, her commanding personality, and her ruthless nature, she made people fear and respect her.

But that wasn’t the case now.

She looked so small and vulnerable that it was breaking my heart, but at the same time, I felt betrayed knowing that’s what she thought of me.

From the moment I met her at fourteen, everything I did, I did only for her.

My Katy was that important to me, but now I wonder if I was the same for her?

Because you didn’t lie so easily to someone you love, right?

All she talked about when we were kids was how much she wanted to have babies, and move into a big house, and be the mother they deserved, and now that was impossible for her. For us.

“When did you find out?” I asked.

“Six years ago,” she whispered, clutching her heart.

Hurt sliced my heart in heated pangs. “And you think I didn’t deserve to know? All these fucking years you’ve been hiding this from me?” Anger and pain laced with my blood.

But something in her eyes made me still. They were cast low, shining with shame. A painful breath left my lips and my feet took me right back to her.

“You don’t ever have to be ashamed of something like that, Katy.” I cradled her cheeks. “It won’t ever, ever change the way I feel for you. I love you so, so much, angel. You. Every single thing about you .”

“I know,” she mumbled.

“Then why didn’t you tell me? Why did you feel the need to hide?”

“Because… because I was scared. I am scared.”

“Scared?” My brows furrowed. “Scared about what?”

“Scared that you’ll leave me, Lan.” Her panicked eyes landed on me. “Scared that you’ll realize I’m not worth it after all.”

“Is that really what you think of me, Katy? That I would fucking abandon you for something like that?” I gritted out through my teeth, gripping her jaw.

“After all these years? I agreed to every fucking thing you said. I waited for you. I fucking joined this band for you. I said yes to LA for you. Everything I did, I did for you, Katy. And now you question my love for you?” My voice broke, matching the same shattering sound of my insides breaking.

Those guilty green eyes clouded with unshed tears. “It’s not like that, Lan. I know you love me, and I love you more than anything in this world. But sometimes love is not enough. You don’t understand. You wouldn’t understand. I… I have to be this way.”

“Be what way, Katy?” I brought her eyes to me.

She swallowed but didn’t say a thing and I was tired. So damn tired.

Falling in love with my angel was the best fucking decision of my life and that would never change.

But that boy thought by now life would only be so much better, thought that we would’ve grown and built a beautiful life together.

I wasn’t talking about white picket fences or barefoot in the kitchen or screaming crying babies.

I was talking about our connection, our love growing stronger, deeper, happier …

But right now, it was anything but that.

Even though our hearts were on the same plane, there was a growing wall between us, full of prickly thorns like those from her favorite flowers.

I didn’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, it did.

With her busy schedule getting busier, with her canceling dates to hang out with her fake friends, her dressing to appease the new fashion trend, her chasing perfection, her becoming the shell of a girl who I fell in love with at fifteen.

But it only made me love her more because I thought this was what made her happy, but now, I questioned it. I questioned everything about her. Everything about us.

But I just couldn’t take the look in those sad, wide eyes anymore, so I closed my lips to hers, and a surprised gasp stumbled from her lips to mine.