Page 19 of From Angel to Rogue (Four Foxes #6)

KATY

“Katy.” Matty frowned as he opened his door. There was so much concern and love in his eyes. Eyes with a color that matched mine. It felt like I was looking into another version of myself. Only more real and honest than I could ever be.

One look at him and I couldn’t help the wobble that trembled my lips.

“Matty,” I sobbed, crashing into him.

“Oh, Katy,” he mumbled as his arms wrapped around me protectively. “It’s okay. I’m here,” he said softly, rubbing his big hand along my back.

The warmth and the safety of his hold only made me cry harder. It felt like my undoing, like all the layers were finally crumbling into nothing. And now, I was finally back home.

Like a teenager who had lost her way but still found her way home to just be her again.

A place where no one could judge her, comment on her looks, or scale her worth by her accomplishments.

A place beckoning her for a long, long time now.

“Shush, baby,” he whispered. “Everything will be fine. I’m here now.”

I didn’t know how long I stood there crying as he held me, but my cries quieted to whimpers when I finally felt my heart feeling lighter.

“Here, let me see you,” he muttered, frowning as he wiped away my tears. “You okay?”

“Not really,” I whispered. “But I think I will be.”

“Let’s get you inside.” He held my hand like I was going to disappear any second as he led me to his living room.

The sound of the Korean language blasted from the speakers of the TV where some drama was running, and a pair of socks-covered feet danced in the air.

“Sierra likes to sit upside down,” Matty explained at my confusion, his gaze softening at the mention of her. “Helps her think, she says.”

“Matty, are you back? You’ve been gone so long and I want you back to cuddle,” Sierra called out as her head poked from the side. “Katy.” She flushed upon seeing me and scrambled to her feet.

I couldn’t help the faint smile that spread across my lips despite my emotional state.

“Omg, you look terrible,” she blurted before her eyes rounded like saucers. “Wait, not like that. I don’t mean like terrible, terrible. You look so gorgeous as always. Your skin is something I wish I could only have in my dreams. What I mean is—”

“Sierra,” Matty cut in softly, which halted her rambling.

“Sorry,” she mumbled shyly. She looked adorable, wearing a soft long hoodie and a tiny pair of boy shorts that showed off her knee-length fluffy socks that had little gaming emojis on them.

No wonder my brother was smitten with her.

“It’s okay. I know I look terrible,” I offered with a smile, which made her smile back.

“I was just on my way to game for a bit,” she said softly, noting the expression on our faces.

“I’ll leave you siblings to chat.” Sierra was a professional e-gamer with some badass skills and was a lot younger than my twin and the opposite of him with her bubbly personality.

But that only made them more perfect for each other.

Matty left my side and pulled her into a hug before she could go, which made her smile widen and the dimples in her cheek pop. And my brother melted right before my eyes.

“Why don’t I make the best spread for dinner?” Her hazel eyes questioned. “Mom always says food makes you feel better.”

“Thank you,” I said gratefully, instead of denying. I could use some home-cooked food. Not some, a lot.

“Perfect.” She clapped excitedly. “I’ll go game for a bit before I get started on dinner. I swear to you, Katy, I’m going to make you feel ten times better.”

Matty smiled and pressed a kiss to her cheek before she gave me a quick hug and skipped away.

My twin had his eyes trained on her till she disappeared down the hallway.

“If Mikey were here, he would’ve sure made a comment on how sappy you look,” I muttered dryly.

His soft eyes slid to me, softening further with worry and concern. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s wrong with you, K?”

I inhaled sharply. “I think so.”

For the next hour, I explained all the stupid things I did in my life, all the immature decisions I made, and all the ways life screwed me when I was young.

Everything, well, except for that night because even I wasn’t sure what happened to me that night.

My brother listened quietly, holding my hand. He showed no emotion or reaction, except at times a thin line would form over his jaw or his hand would squeeze mine tighter.

There was no right way to confess to your brother that the machine you became was intentional. Only for all the wrong reasons.

And when I finished, a moment of silence passed between us.

I held my breath, waiting for him to say something, but he just stared intently at the floor. I didn’t say another word, though. I wanted to give him the time to grasp what a fake life his sister had been living.

“Feels like I failed you,” he said quietly, his eyes drawing to mine. “Feels like as a brother I failed you, K.”

I gave him a morose smile. “You didn’t.”

“You’re my fucking twin, K.” He raked his fingernails over his buzz-cut hair. “I’m supposed to fucking know these things about you. How the fuck could I have been so blind?”

“Hey.” I laid a soft hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault. I was so good at hiding that even Lan didn’t figure me out.” Saying his name hurt, and from the crack in my voice, Matty noticed too.

“Is that why Lan and you have been acting weird lately?”

“Yeah, we broke up,” I whispered, unable to hide the pain in my voice. “It’s not really his fault. I could never blame him. He gave and gave until there was nothing left. And now he’s gone.”

“I’m sorry.” My brother’s sad eyes found mine. “But Lan will come back to you, K. He loves you too much to leave you alone.”

“I know,” I breathed. “But still, it scares me. I thought becoming this awful version of myself would keep him with me, but it only did the opposite. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

Matty sighed and pulled me into his arms once again. “There’s nothing awful or empty or weak about you, K. You did what you had to do. On your own. No one blames you.” He slowly ran his hand over my back. “We love you. Every version of you. I don’t ever want you to think otherwise.”

I nodded, burying myself deeper into his hold.

I spent the entire day like that.

Well, except for when Sierra announced that dinner was ready. I had no clue how she whipped out about seven different dishes in a matter of hours, but she did.

I think I might steal her from my brother because damn, was it incredible. My stomach was bursting by the time we retired to the living room to watch a movie.

I made a mental note to get her a few extra presents for her birthday.

My brother got so fucking lucky, but then I did too. Even thinking about him made me feel guilty. Like a crime. Like I shouldn’t be missing and wishing for him when all I’d done was avoid and ignore him when he was with me.

Sierra and I used my brother as our own cuddle pillow on the couch. Me on his left and her on his right with his arms protectively draped over us.

He was built like a heavy tank, big enough for both of us, and didn’t complain one bit. I think he even murmured at one point that he would happily spend the rest of his life like this.

“Matty, should we watch a horror movie?” she asked sweetly.

“Why, firecracker?” he asked, sliding a teasing smile her way. “So you could scream and hide and shriek and get me all hot and bothered and leave me with no choice but to take you to the bedroom.”

Sierra burned a shade of red that could be closely compared to a ripe tomato. “Fine,” she muttered, handing my brother the remote. “You put on something.”

A rare grin lifted his lips as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re too adorable.”

“I’m sorry for third-wheeling you guys.” My voice muffled against my brother’s sweater. Watching them interact only made me sadder. What would I do to have him with me here?

“Not at all.” Sierra’s excited eyes landed on me. “I miss girl time. I spend almost all my time with Matty or Raphy. As much as I love them, the overload of testosterone is killing me.”

Just as she finished that sentence, a loud thud of the front door slamming made us girls jerk up and Matty stiffen. It must be someone we knew because you needed a code to access the door.

“Yo fuckers, I’m home,” shouted a familiar voice that halted our conversation. “Si, you better not be the naked doing the F-word with big man.”

Sierra exhaled loudly. “Why the hell are you here?” she asked just as her brother graced us with his presence sporting a cocky grin.

Barely seventeen, Raphael was Sierra’s younger brother and also the debut artist signed to my brother’s label. Although very talented, Raphy had a very big mouth. Their weird living arrangement was what led my brother to meet and fall in love with Sierra.

“Whoa.” Raphael cocked a brow, eyeing the three of us. “What kind of kinky fetish is this, and why wasn’t I invited?”

A pillow from Sierra’s hand hit him right in his eyes, to which he screamed bloody murder.

“That hurt, you bitch,” Raphael cursed, glaring at his sister.

In response, Matty hurled another pillow his way. Much harder. “Don’t call your sister a bitch.”

“What are you doing here, Raphy? You don’t live here anymore, remember,” Sierra reminded him with a sharp look.

“I’ve never felt so uninvited in my entire life. I thought I’d come to see my sister.” Raphael pouted, blinking innocently at his sister. “Just say the word if you guys don’t want me anymore, and I’ll leave forever.”

Sierra huffed out a breath at his dramatic statement. “Fine, sorry and stop complaining, we’re watching a movie. You better join us without speaking another word.”

“I’d never say no to that.” His sad expression dropped in an instant as he cuddled next to his sister. “I know deep down you love me too much, sister.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled warmly at him. “There’s food in the fridge if you want some.” She ruffled his hair. “What are you doing here, by the way?”

“I thought I’d spend my weekend with my rich parents,” he mumbled. “Mom sent over too much food for you guys.”

“Yay,” Sierra chirped. “Permanent food coma, here I come.”

“Dork,” Raphael commented.

Soon, it was followed by another colorful banter, which turned into a mini cat and dog fight about which movie we should watch.

“Never a dull day, huh?” I mumbled to Matty, who had his attention focused on Sierra with an indescribable softness in his eyes.

“Yep,” he replied, sliding me a glance. “The Chan siblings will never bore you. I can guarantee that.”

After their argument was settled by Matty like he was some referee overseeing a football match, we finally put on a movie called Lion that none of us had ever seen before.

It made us girls bawl like babies while Matty consoled us, and Raphy openly cried, holding his sister tight.

We all needed a good cry.

I needed a good cry.