Page 22 of From Angel to Rogue (Four Foxes #6)

KATY

Exactly nine o’clock the following morning, the shrill sound of the doorbell echoed through the apartment.

And I knew it was him without even looking.

Because if there was one thing I knew, it was that my man was very punctual.

After the pity party for my lost ring last night, I had steeled my spine and called Lan, who in his gruff measured voice said he would be here.

Even though walls separated us, I could feel the energy of his presence seep into every cell of my being.

Now that I wasn’t mad at him, I felt guilty.

Embarrassed even.

Guilty because I manipulated and tricked the only man who’d ever been on my side with my lies and facade.

It wasn’t him who abandoned me. It was me who left him a long time ago, obsessing over the version of me that craved perfection.

It wasn’t him who should be groveling on his feet. It was me.

And the last time I was begging on his feet for all the wrong reasons.

Taking a deep breath, I smoothed my hand over the flowery red sundress I was wearing. This dress was my favorite and I wore it today for him.

I swallowed as I reached the door.

Here goes nothing.

I swung the door open to a sight that made my heart hurt. How could I be so stupid not to hold this man close and love him with all the imperfect parts of me anyway?

“Lan,” I breathed as those dark brown eyes locked on mine. He had on his signature biker jacket, washed black jeans, and a matching Henley. His hair was a tousled mess of chestnut waves like he had just gotten off his bike while his glove-clad fingers gripped his helmet.

“Katy,” he replied flatly, his voice giving nothing away.

Fuck, was he mad? I hadn’t seen him since New Orleans, where my tear ducts decided to burst while I accused him of abandoning me. Now I felt like a fool for it.

“Come on in.” I ushered him inside.

I spent last night decorating this place a bit.

I didn’t do much. I just picked a few pillows to add color to the bachelor pad that Mikey left behind and ordered some new furniture that still needed to be delivered.

Instead of picking based on the new trend or the designer tag, I just went with the ones I liked.

And it felt good for once.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, wringing my fingers. Why the fuck did I feel so nervous all of a sudden in front of a man who had probably seen every inch of my naked skin?

“No,” he said, sinking down on the couch. “You wanted to meet? What about?”

I swallowed, lowering myself opposite him. Emotionless Lan was back again; it was the one version of him, I had no clue how to handle.

“I’m trying,” I said without thinking. “Trying to find me, like you said.”

“Don’t do it for me,” he said quickly. “Do it for yourself.”

Fuck, could I at least get some acknowledgment for my attempt? But then, could I really blame him?

“How have you been?” I asked instead, offering a small smile.

He flicked a brow. “How do you think?”

Guess nothing was going to work and it only made me more nervous for what I have to tell him today.

“So I’m living here now.” I waved my hand. “Figured I would put the apartment to good use since Mikey doesn’t live here anymore.”

He nodded, his face as blank as an unruled paper.

“You should come live with me,” I blurted. “Here. We should sell the house back in LA. I don’t like it. I never really liked it.”

A long second passed before he asked, “Why?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“Why should I come and stay with you?” he asked. “Only weeks ago, you were crying, mad at me for trying to talk to you, and now what? That’s changed? You’re no longer mad at me? You want me to move in with you? I have lived with you before Katy, and that didn’t work out very well for us, did it?”

“This time it will be different,” I said, meeting his eyes head-on. “This time, I will be different.”

“Different how?”

I sighed. “Look, I know what I did. I’m not saying I look past all my mistakes…

that I disregard all the ways I have avoided you and destroyed myself.

I see that. I see that girl more clearly than anyone has.

Because I fucking live with her every day.

And I don’t want to be her anymore. I’m tired of being her. And now I want something else.”

“Which is?” He leaned closer, his eyes never leaving me.

A second chance at a family, with you.

Fuck, how do I tell him this? I dug my hands into the pockets of my cardigan to make myself busy.

“Katy?” Lan frowned.

“I met someone,” I blurted, my heart thudding. “And I want you to meet him.”

And his face fell, like I had broken his heart into a million little pieces.

Fuck, Katy. You had years of experience on negotiating and smooth talking, and this was what you fucking say!?

“Someone?” His voice cracked as betrayal crossed his eyes. “But how? I was there…”

“Not like that,” I shouted so loud that his eyes widened. “No, no, not like that.” I frantically shook my head as I leaped to my feet and was by his side the next second.

I took hold of his hands and brought his destroyed eyes to mine.

“What I meant was a child. A baby boy, well, not like a baby , baby. But a boy. He’s six and his name is Luka and I love him already.

I know you’ll love him too. He reminded me so much of you.

And I want him. I want to be his mother and I don’t know how…

I don’t know how to do it without you, Lan. I can’t do it without you.”

“Fuck, Katy.” He heaved a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “Don’t you know how to fucking speak?” he mumbled.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

And for the next minute, he didn’t say a thing and just stared at the floor. My heart felt like it was stuck in a pendulum, swinging back and forth and back and forth.

Well, wasn’t he going to say anything? I wanted to scream and shout and beg like an impatient girl for him to just say something. But I kept quiet, knowing he needed his time to think about the huge boulder that I dropped on his head.

“Why do you want him?” Lan’s eyes landed on mine. “Do you want him because it’s some kind of plan to bring me back? Or do you want him because he’s the newfound purpose you will be chasing? Or do you want him because you want us to give him a home and build a life with him? Which one is it, Katy?”

Each of his questions drilled like criminal accusations into my head. But he was right and he had the right to ask me that.

“Maybe…maybe it’s all of that, or maybe none at all.

I don’t know, Lan,” I said quietly. “When I saw him, I just wanted him, wanted him to be mine, ours .” A smile spread across my lips.

“I don’t… don’t know if I can be a good mother to him.

He didn’t have the best time in foster care.

And I want to try to give him a safe happy place and I can’t do it without you, Lan. ”

He nodded. “Are you sure it’s something you can do? This isn’t a job where you can put up a schedule to manage and make phone calls to fix problems. Every day is going to be different.”

“I know,” I muttered. I was so scared—terrified even, but the thought of Luka being there all alone when he could be with me, with us, killed me.

I wanted little Luka to experience the childhood he deserved.

It was something I’d always wanted and just because I couldn’t do it on my own doesn’t mean I couldn’t be a mother to someone else.

“Okay,” he said in a sure tone that I almost thought I heard him wrong.

My eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes, that’s what I said,” he replied. His face gave nothing away, but his eyes shone with promise, and I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Excitement.

“Thank you,” I whispered earnestly.

He nodded as he got to his feet in a smooth, casual motion. “Come on, then.”

I frowned as I watched him walk away.

“Come where?”

He looked over his shoulder. “You wanted me to meet him. So let’s go.”

“But…but he lives in Iona.”

“Then let’s go to Iona,” he said.

“What?” I jumped to my feet. “Now? But I haven’t told them I’ll be coming.”

“Stop stalling Katy, let’s go. Unless…” He narrowed his eyes. “You have something to do.”

“No.” I shook my head as I hurried over to him.

“No, I don’t have anything to do,” I whispered just an inch away from him.

I had to tilt my chin to meet his eyes. Lan was six four and even at my height, I only came up to his mid-chest. Without my usual heels, I felt like I’d gone back in time to being a teenager looking up at him from this perspective.

“Great, let’s go,” he muttered, his eyes roaming over my face before he turned and headed out the door without even wasting another second.

I panicked internally. I wasn’t dressed, I wasn’t prepared. How the hell were we even going and what about my shoes?

But I halted those derailing thoughts before they could get any further. Overanalyzing and overthinking was part of your previous job, Katy. You don’t have to worry about things like that anymore; worry about what the world, society, or people think about you.

It’s okay not to have a plan and do spontaneous things.

Trusting Lan, I quickly slid into some Nike Air Forces and rushed out to the corridor.

Lan had his back turned to me while he waited for the elevator. He slid me a glance just as I came to a stop beside him, and I gave him a small smile to which he just stared without saying anything.

I felt so shy all of a sudden as I tucked my hair behind my ear and averted my gaze.

Lan never uttered another word as he led the way to the level two basement parking zone that was private for the band and our family.

I watched wide-eyed as he slung his jean-clad leg over his Ducati V4 monster in an effortless move and hiked his biker mask over the lower half of his face, hiding his beautiful lips and carved jawline.

His eyes landed on me and he waited for a second while I just stood there without blinking.

“So do you plan on getting on?” he asked, raising a brow.

Lan knew very well I never got on his death machine. I was terrified of it.

“On your bike?” I hiccuped.

“Yes,” he deadpanned.

“But I’m wearing a dress,” I complained, waving to myself. “Can we get a car or something?”

“It’s long enough. You’ll be fine.” He leaned over casually and produced a small helmet from the glove compartment and handed it to me.

My shaky hands took it, but I kept standing there like I was frozen in time.

Lan’s eyes locked on me. “I don’t have all day.”

I didn’t know what came over me, but I nodded, forcing the fear away as I approached him.

“Hmm, how do I get on?” I muttered.

He stared at me so intently that I felt my cheeks flame red. Balancing the heavy bike with just his feet, he took the helmet that I was holding and secured it carefully over my head.

“Give me your hand,” he ordered, and I did as he said.

My heart ached when my hand touched his. It’d been too fucking long since I last touched him, and for some reason, it took me right back to the last time we made love. Well, that definitely couldn’t be described as making love. It was anything but.

It was the hottest experience in my entire existence. I never felt my blood burn that wild and my mind break so free. Like I gave him all of me, and he took it with love but also with undeniable passion.

I never knew I needed to be fucked like that till he fucked me like that.

It awakened an intense craving in me and I never wanted his body more than I did recently.

My thoughts get interrupted when his large hand hauled me over his bike swiftly and with a huff, my ass landed on the tiny back seat, which was weirdly comfortable for some reason.

“Hold tight,” he grumbled.

I nodded frantically as I scooted as close to him as I could get. Thankfully, the skirt of my maxi dress only rode up to my mid-calves.

My hand wove around him in a death grip, and I buried my face in his neck. Leather and cedar and my Lan.

“Ready?”

“Yes,” I whispered in his ear just as the engine purred beneath me, and I gasped as Lan revved the bike, the sound echoing through the basement loudly.

A second later, we swerved forward, and my grip around Lan tightened. I yelped as the bike weaved through the traffic like a snake in the water.

My heart was in my throat till we escaped the city and reached the freeway.

And soon, we were a blur in the wind, and I’d never felt more free. I could feel the tension seeping out of my body as I held him close, the sun warming my body and the air rasping my skin like a soft feather.

I think I finally understood the need for my boy to go rogue on his bike.

It felt like flying but grounding at the same time, and I couldn’t help but smile as I snuggled closer to his warmth.

Secretly, I never wanted to go anywhere again if it wasn’t on his bike.

It was a rush—he was my rush.