Page 16 of From Angel to Rogue (Four Foxes #6)

NOW

KATY

It’d been one hundred and eighty-eight days since Lan and I broke up.

I made myself busier.

I made myself fifteen pounds heavier.

I made myself a ghost that I hardly recognized.

“Chris, is everything ready and the security cleared?” I asked my assistant on the phone.

“Yes, K, everything is good to go. Waiting for you guys,” Chris replied in his cheery voice.

“Perfect,” I mumbled, cutting the call before he could utter another word.

I loved my assistant for keeping me sane most of the time, but right now, any sort of joy was like a spinning chainsaw to my nerves.

I could feel the weight of all their gazes on me. Yes, they were more bearable now with each passing day, but it still wasn’t something I was used to.

So I ignored and evaded them like it was my new favorite sport.

As the band manager, I was never the one to be gawked at, yet I did have my moments when I walked the red carpet with Lan, but that was the Katy hiding under her famous boyfriend’s shadow or the cloak of her fake persona.

But now, everything was different for her. She was no longer that girl.

I was the girl stuck between with no rope to pull me in the right direction.

Directionless.

A heavy flush burned the side of my neck, and I knew it was him.

Even in the cold interior of our limo, his eyes made beads of sweat roll down the curve of my spine.

His gaze was always the heaviest, like a ton of coals weighing on my bones. But I ignored him like I ignored them all.

Even though I tried my best to school my expression, my insides were a different matter.

My heart missed him, every cell of my being missed him. The pain of missing him was the only thing I felt these days.

The only feeling that kept me alive.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to see him, the pain of being in his presence hurt.

But it was impossible to avoid him, considering our circle was too fucking small, and he was the lead pianist for the band I was the manager of.

Yes, I still diligently did the job I hated, and at every event, Lan graced us with his presence. He looked like he was staring deep into my soul with his disapproving gaze.

Did he really think that after he left, I would magically change?

Just quit the only job I knew, the only purpose that I felt like I had left.

I knew what it was like to live hating every part of yourself, the poison so sweet that the more you got used to it, the more you fucking craved it.

And my body cells craved the poison of this job more than anything now.

His accusatory eyes held me like a sure fire, urging me to wake the fuck up from whatever nightmare I was stuck in. But I feared that I was too long gone.

The real Katy Evans had no chance of getting out of the dark hole she was in.

Not even her lost love could save her now.

I wasn’t a bomb waiting to be detonated. I had already detonated, and those sharp edges and combusted bits no longer scared me.

“We’re here,” Tyler announced, glancing over at us from the small window that separated the back from the front seats. “It’s all clear for us.” Tyler was Emmie’s point A guard, who also acted as the band’s main security at events.

“Thanks, Tyler,” I replied, mustering a smile.

I felt calmer knowing Tyler was in charge of handling the security.

Especially after the incident that happened a few months ago that put Evy in grave danger and Emmie in the hospital. An incident where I would’ve had a full-blown panic attack if not for my loner boy finding me in the waiting room and holding me so softly while he soothed me.

But it didn’t last long. The following morning, we went our separate ways like two strangers who met at a bar for a one-night stand and never exchanged numbers.

Our limo docking on the entry bay tugged me out of my thoughts.

We were at the Caesar’s Superdome in New Orleans for a press op to another band’s concert, and yes, my band told me we would be going slow after leaving our previous label, but I just couldn’t listen.

They were still working on the next album, and there was no scheduled tour anywhere in the future, yet I just couldn’t sit idly in an empty hotel room, missing him or wondering how to find me , so I kept busy and penciled in a few press rounds.

I knew they hated doing it, but they bit their tongues for me.

Given the band’s popularity, we didn’t need any press. It was actually their presence that sold out tonight’s show after we leaked that the Four Foxes would be in attendance to watch the Sinner’s, whose manager, Lexie, was eternally grateful to me for doing this for them.

As much as I loved helping out our colleagues, I was doing this for more selfish reasons. The obvious one being an opportunity to see him. To drag him out of whatever highway he was cruising through on his favorite dark stealth Ducati 698 Monster while he left me to fend for myself.

And I wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. I knew as much as Lan loved to hide behind his motorcycle and ignore everyone, he was painstakingly diligent when it came to any band events and never missed even a single one of them.

It was sad how I had to stoop to such measures to lure him out of the wild.

We all walked side by side as Tyler and other security personnel guided us through the massive corridors.

Everyone was coupled up, Evy clinging onto Emmie like he was going to disappear any second, Mikey almost carrying Lily like she was a fragile porcelain doll, and Sierra skipping beside my brother with awe glittering in her wide eyes.

While Lan and I were on opposite ends.

My friends still hadn’t gotten wind that Lan and I had broken up, but they knew something was terribly wrong. And they knew any intervention and questions they asked would lead nowhere, so somewhere along the way, they stopped.

“Katy.” Chris’s excited voice reached our ears. “Through here.” He pointed at the door behind him that said VIP lounge, which was attached to our box seats. “You’re right on time. The show will start in a few.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Chris.” Sometimes, I had no idea what I would do without him. He was more organized, meticulous, and goal-oriented than me, and deep down, it wasn’t something that I was ashamed to admit.

Yes, I was good at my job, but I wasn’t very exceptional because it wasn’t something I liked.

I did it because I had to.

I did it because I had no other choice.

How long are you going to tell yourself the same excuse, Katy ? my subconscious sneered at me.

“Katy, thank you so much for coming in tonight.” Lexie swallowed me in a tight hug, the tiny glittering sequins of her minidress digging into my skin that peeked through the gap of my sweatshirt. “Wow, Katy, you look…” She frowned but plastered on a big smile. “You look… good.”

And I knew I looked anything but good. Lately, playing dress-up with the latest fashion trend was the last thing on my mind. I no longer cared how I looked because why did it matter anyway?

I lost him.

“Thanks, Lexie, and thanks for having us over,” I muttered. “And you look amazing.”

She welcomed the entire band before we swept off to mingle with the rest of the people. Most of them were faces we already knew, and some were close friends from the industry.

And it would be disrespectful of me not to greet them since I’d been chummy with them in the past. My cheeks hurt, and my throat rasped by the time we finished saying hi to everyone and walked over to our seats in the front row.

A rush of screams passed through the air when the fans noticed the band through the box windows.

The boys waved at them while a few flashes snapped at us. They even attempted to throw objects to sign our way, but our security quickly stopped them. We loved our fans, but it was one act we strictly condemned, given that some fans acted rowdy and seriously injured a few artists.

Our security instead went down and gathered everything they wanted to be signed. That way, we maintained peace and still kept them satisfied.

I took the lone seat in the corner with a bucket full of chicken tenders and a huge can of Coke. Although I much preferred alcohol but, lately, even the smell of it made me nauseous, so Coke it was.

My mind didn’t count calories anymore. It didn’t set the strict limit to one thousand two hundred per day while I at least burned five hundred calories with heavy cardio.

It all disappeared, and now I ate everything I wanted to my heart’s content.

I ate like I’d been starved for the past six years, and it felt good.

It felt more than good.

I think it was the only thing that made the lost Katy happy.

I watched as Mikey carefully settled Lily down in the seat next to him, asking her every second if she was okay, which only annoyed her, but then she ate up all the care and love he showered on her.

It wasn’t just Emmie who gave us a scare; both the Jameson siblings terrified us when they ended up in the hospital, just weeks apart, on different accounts.

But Lily baby, was doing much better now. She had finished her last round of chemo and was fast recovering. At times, I didn’t even have to worry about her. Because her husband watched over her like a hawk and wouldn’t let her lift a finger.

I still couldn’t believe Mikey married her before any of us got married, but then they were the first ones to meet and had been in love with each other forever.

If anyone deserved each other more, it was both of them.

This was Lily’s first outing with the band in months. She still hadn’t gotten the full recovery sign-off from her doctor, but the glow was back in her eyes, and her weary bones were filling up.

I prayed to all the gods that our Lily was one hundred percent healthy.

My eyes left them to watch my brother holding Sierra in his arms as they stood by the balcony, facing the stage.

Sierra looked adorable as she spoke a million miles an hour while Matty watched her like she was the sun to his sunflower.

It was the happiest surprise; my brother falling in love.

I thought I’d never see the day that my stoic grump of a twin would find himself a girl, let alone fall in love the way he did, loving Sierra like she was the reason for his life.

Beside them were Evy and Emmie, and instead of having their attention tuned to the stage, they were having their own personal conversation, lost to the outside world. Nothing new there.

I was happy they all found their happily ever afters. In a way, I couldn’t help but think I had this before any of them.

When they were all alone, I wasn’t.

I had the love of my life right where I wanted him to be, yet I let him slip away.

All the carefully laid plans I devised to keep him with me, to make him love me, to make him see me didn’t matter anyway.

And it was no one’s fault but mine.

Mine , all mine.