Page 44 of Fragile (Cedar Lakes University #2)

Chapter forty-three

Miles

Sometimes when life presents you with a decision, we can choose to fight or fall. The idea that I have to stare Seb straight in his eyes and admit everything that has happened over the last few months is terrifying, but losing him is worse. I need people who love me, who believe in me, who aren’t afraid to show me that it’s going to be okay. But most of all, I need to be honest with everyone and let them see how much I need their support.

I don't want to be the person who runs from the hurt, who hides behind the temporary comfort of a substance that only drags me down further. I want to feel alive, to face the world with open eyes, even if it means feeling every single emotion—no matter how overwhelming. I want to be free from this grip, to live a life where I can breathe again, where I don't have to rely on something outside of myself to get through the day.

Vulnerability doesn’t come easy to me, but I’m willing to try if it means keeping people I love in my life.

Approaching Seb’s door, I feel the weight of all my decisions standing next to me like shadows looming, attempting to swallow me whole. I have no clue how I’m going to start this, because it wasn’t just my captain I’ve let down, it’s my best friend, and to admit that I messed up and I’ve been sneaking around with his little sister too...

Jesus, I really took the crown of fucking up.

Exhaling a shaky breath, I lift my non broken arm and a rap my knuckles on his door.

Every second I wait, my heart beats louder, my blood pumps harder around my body. Maybe I’ll pass out and make all this real interesting. As soon as the door swings inward and I see his face, I know I have to face this head on.

“Miles, what the hell are you doing out of bed?” he chastises, always worrying about others, just like his sister.

He ushers me inside, careful not to touch my cast. My pulse hammers in my neck like a wild beast and there is nothing I can do to stop what I was about to say.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Okay?” He eyes me, skeptical. “Sit down. I don’t want you passing out on me.”

I take one more deep breath as I perch on the end of his bed. “I’ve fucked up.” I sigh, running my free hand through my hair. “I have a meeting with Coach tomorrow. He knows already, but I need to tell you face to face…” I pause to compose myself. “I’ve been using amphetamines for most of this season.”

His eyes narrow as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Wait, what? Did I hear that right?”

I nod solemnly. “Yeah, I made some pretty bad decisions after my dad gave me a fuck ton of his pep-but-not-peppy-talks. It messed with my head in a big way. I didn’t want to let you down, didn’t want to let him down.” The weight of my demons presses down on me relentlessly, making it hard to breathe. “I thought I could manage it, that it would give me an edge and help me keep up with everything. But it just made things worse, and I knew I needed to stop, I knew it, but I didn’t want to fail, and I stupidly saw this as something no one would find out about.”

I shake my head, guilt racking my brain.

Seb rubs the back of his neck, his gaze intense as he tries to make sense of what I’ve just said. “Drugs, Miles?”

“I know,” I groan.

“You… Fuck !” His voice rises. “You should have told me sooner. We could’ve figured something out.”

“I know that,” I say on a sigh. “But I wasn’t about to drag you down with my shit.”

“Are you kidding?” He pins me with a look full of hurt as he stands. “You’re my best friend, you’ve been my best friend my entire fucking life. If you’re going through something you lean on me, that’s how it’s always been.” He paces the room, blowing out uneven breaths. “I’m not going to pretend I know everything about how your dad treats you, but I know enough, I’ve seen enough, and I’m—” He pauses to swipe down his face. “Fuck—I’m sorry for being wrapped in my own shit to not be there for you.”

“Seb,” I say quietly. I don’t want him blaming himself.

“No, I really missed the mark here. You needed me and I wasn’t the first person you went to.”

“I had help,” I admit without a thought.

“From who?” He stops pacing, staring at me. “Who helped you?”

The loaded question, the one that is going to punch him in the gut yet again. I steel myself as I wait for my courage to kick in again. “Quinn.”

Surprise flashes across his face. “She did?”

I nod.

“Of course she did. She loves to take care of people; it’s her love language.”

“Seb?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s something else.” I swallow deeply as I get ready for the finale. “I love her, okay? I’m in love with her. This isn’t me messing around. I’ve managed to fuck things up epically, but I’m not going to lose her. She’s… She’s everything to me.”

Seb just stares at me for what feels like the longest time. His eyes don’t leave mine, searching for any hint of deceit, but he won’t find it. I might not have told Quinn in those exact words, but I know how I feel about her is permanent.

I notice his jaw flex once. “You’re in love with Quinn?” he asks, confusion marring his words.

Without backing down. “Down bad, man.”

His mouth presses into a thin line. “How long?”

“Since that night she went on a date with Alex.”

“Months?” His face twists with disbelief. “You’ve been fucking around with her for months , and I didn’t know?”

“I know,” I groan, dragging a hand through my hair in frustration. “I should’ve told you.”

“Damn right, you should’ve,” Seb snaps, eyes blazing. “Why didn’t you? I’m your best friend, Miles.”

I shake my head as I feel the weight of his words. “Exactly that. I crossed a line we agreed I wouldn’t. Because…you’ve always said no one’s good enough for her and that included me. So, we decided not to say anything for a while, figure things out until we were ready to tell you.”

Seb’s glare doesn’t waver. “And you thought screwing around, taking drugs, and going behind my back somehow makes you good enough?”

I flinch, the accusation hitting hard. “I deserved that,” I admit, my voice low. “I messed up. I know I did.”

For a moment, Seb’s anger is unrelenting, his eyes like steel. “Fuck!” he shouts, spinning around and pacing the room aimlessly.

“You probably want to punch me right now, and normally, I’d let you, but”—I point to my head—“concussion and all, I’ll have to write you an IOU.” I’m hoping I can ease some of the tension between us.

Seb huffs a laugh, crossing his arms over his chest, giving me a stare that I’ve seen from his dad plenty of times. It makes my skin itch. He still doesn’t say anything, and I feel as though I’m being suffocated more and more by the second. His eyes bore holes into me, and I think I might explode.

“Or maybe you want me to leave and that’s the end of our friendship because I fucked everything. But I need you to know, I can’t lose her too. Ideally, neither of you.”

Seb’s scowl deepens, and I definitely think he could give his dad a run for his money. I’m downright shuddering.

But then something shifts, softening the hard lines of his face. He exhales deeply and shakes his head. “I’m pissed,” he mutters, voice quieter but still tense. “But this is a clusterfuck. Quinn, your dad...it’s messed you up, and I should’ve...” he trails off, looking away.

I swallow hard as guilt swirls in my gut. “No, don’t do that. I made those choices, and I messed up. I can own that. Yeah, it was rough, but I’m here now, and I’m going to be better.”

Seb pauses, finally meeting my eyes again. “I get it. But Miles, with Quinn. You don’t get to screw up when it comes to her.”

“I’m not going to,” I say, conviction filling every word. “I’m done screwing up. She means everything to me.” Emotion prickles my throat.

Seb looks at me for a long moment, and the fight in him seems to fade just a little more. “If you really mean that, you better show her. Don’t mess this up, or I swear...” He lets the threat hang, but it’s less harsh this time, almost like he’s hoping I won’t.

I swallow hard, trying to keep my voice steady, but the lump in my throat makes it almost impossible.

“Listen,” he says, widening his stance slightly. “Did you fuck up? Yeah, you did. Do I wish you’d told me about things? Yeah, I do. But if you think for one second that I’m going to leave you, let you deal with all this alone? You’ve got it all wrong.” He sighs loudly. “I’m pissed, sure, but you don’t get to decide when this friendship ends—because it doesn’t end. Not now, not ever. Captain or not, teammate or not, dating my sister”—he shudders—“which, by the way, I do not want details of. We’re in this together, and that’s how it’s always going to be. You hear me? It doesn’t end.”

“Yeah, man,” I manage to say, the words barely escaping through the tightness in my chest. “I hear you.”

But even as I say it, a part of me resists, doubts creeping in like they always do. How the hell do I deserve this? His loyalty, his forgiveness, his faith in me… I can’t shake the feeling that, sooner or later, he’ll get tired of my bullshit.

“Especially not because now you know you’re going to marry Quinn, right? Like, that’s the only option here,” he says with a pointed look, and I can’t decide if he’s serious or joking. “Then we’ll be family for real and forever.”

Seb’s words hit me like a punch, but not in the way he probably expects. Marry his sister? The old me would’ve freaked out at the idea—too much commitment, too much pressure. But now? I feel a weird calm settle over me, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. The thought of spending forever with Quinn doesn’t scare me. It actually feels…right.

I let out a breath, a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth as I meet Seb’s pointed look. “Yeah,” I say, voice steady. “I’d do it. I’m all in.”

Seb’s expression cracks—just slightly. He raises an eyebrow like he’s trying to gauge how serious I am, but he doesn’t say anything. I think he expected me to stutter, panic, backtrack. But I don’t.

Because deep down, I know, if anyone’s my forever, it’s her.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been a part of their family my whole life and they’re always there for me. Or maybe it’s because I’ve got the girl I never knew I wanted. The girl that has always been mine, without me even knowing.

“Just don’t go all ‘dad’ on me again,” I tease cautiously, wondering if he’s okay with joking with me again.

“Shit.” He chuckles and rubs his jaw. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but get the practice in now for when you and Indie make little mini humans, because they’re going to be wild little things.”

“Jesus, that’s more terrifying than you marrying my sister.” He laughs, but there’s a pause, and he looks at me with something more serious in his eyes. “You know, I’m trusting you with her. That’s not easy for me, even though I know you. You’ve got to prove you’re good for her.”

“I know, and I won’t let you down.”

Without a word, Seb steps forward and pulls me into a hug, his arms firm around me. I hug him back without hesitation, gripping his shoulder with my good hand.

He pulls back, giving me a final once-over, like he’s making sure I mean everything I’ve said. And I do.