Page 25 of Fragile (Cedar Lakes University #2)
Chapter twenty-four
Miles
I storm away from Quinn, the sound of my sneakers crunching on the gravel louder than the pounding of my heart. Rage bubbles up inside me, each step I take amplifying it.
The worst possible scenario played out in front of me like a damn horror movie. Someone found my pills and, worse, it made me feel exactly how I knew it would. Like a piece of shit. I could push away that feeling before, but now, I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the look on Quinn’s face.
Closing my eyes, I still see the pity in hers, the way her voice was laced with that infuriating mix of sympathy and disappointment.
I couldn’t handle it. I had to get out.
I’m still only wearing my gym shorts and sweaty workout t-shirt, but I don’t care. I need to walk.
The anger pushes me forward, and soon the campus streets are behind me. I'm walking with no destination, just the need to get away. To clear my head. But the thoughts keep coming. Quinn’s voice, her worried eyes, her hand reaching out to touch mine. My dad’s consistent scolding, telling me I can do better. Everything spins around and around, making my teeth grind. The way she looked at me, like I’m broken. I don't need pity. I need... I don't even know what I need.
My feet find the familiar path into town, the light slowly disappearing behind the buildings, but I hardly notice. Everything is a blur. I need to distract myself, to drown out the noise in my head. I stop in front of a shop window, staring at my reflection. I see a stranger. Red-rimmed eyes, tense jaw, a guy on the edge. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I turn away, continuing down the street.
A few blocks later, I bump into someone, hard.
“Watch it,” I snap before I even look up.
“Miles?” The voice is low, familiar. I look up to see Levi grinning at me, his eyes hidden behind dark shades. He's the last person I want to see right now, but something in his easy smile makes me pause.
“Levi,” I say, my tone flat. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugs, removing his glasses to reveal his bloodshot eyes. “Same as you, probably. Killing time. I skipped my business class this afternoon.”
I grunt my response, not sure what to say next. I doubt he’s killing time the same way as me. Judging by his glazed-over expression, he’s high. Judging by my standoffish nature, I’m sober and pissed off.
“You okay, man? You look—”
With my teeth clenched, I cut him off with a hiss. “I’m fine. I look fine. I am fine.”
Levi chuckles sarcastically. “Sure, whatever you say. Those pills I gave you really have taken a hold of your anger, huh?”
I ball my fists in my pockets, nostrils flaring at his nonchalant comment. But Levi just keeps laughing, a sound that grates on my nerves even more. “I’m not—” I begin to say, but stop myself and roll back my shoulders, inhaling slowly. “I’m fine.”
“You said that already,” he says, pulling me by my shoulder to the side of the street, glancing around before lowering his voice. “Listen, have you been feeling this anger a lot since you took the pills?”
I swallow hard, hating that I’m talking to my dealer about side effects. “Maybe,” I say softly.
“I can get you something to even you out.”
My eyes snap to his, filled with trepidation. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, something more. Uppers. You’ve smoked grass before, but I mean something else. Something that can make you feel like you’ll forget it all. All the bullshit, all the anger. Everything.”
Something else. This isn’t the first time he’s offered. This is his usual MO when he tries to hook you, then sink you. I can’t lie to myself and say it isn’t tempting, because it is. Just to be freed from all the expectations, all the remarks my dad makes, even temporarily, would be fucking amazing.
Levi’s casually leaning against the wall, his eyes glinting with a mixture of patience and anticipation. He’s seen me hesitate before, and he’s waiting for me to make the move that will deepen my dependence. His presence is a reminder of everything I’m doing to keep demons at bay, yet every fiber of my being screams that this isn’t the answer.
But the promise of relief is almost irresistible. The pressure to just give in and let everything else fall away is overwhelming. I could say yes, slip into the familiar embrace of oblivion, and numb everything that’s been dragging me down. It would be so easy.
My phone buzzes in my hand, the vibration pulling me back to reality. It’s a text from Quinn. I unlock the screen, my heart sinking as I read her message.
Queenie
Miles, please. I just want to talk. Call me when you get this.
I glance at Levi again, his attention now on his phone too. As I re-read the message from Quinn, a war breaks out inside of me. That Quinn angel is on my right shoulder and the Levi devil on my left. I’m facing a decision that can help me or break me.
Then reality hits me dead center of my breastbone.
There is one person who I can’t disappoint. No matter what.
“So what’s it gonna be, Miles?”