Page 13 of Fragile (Cedar Lakes University #2)
Chapter twelve
Miles
Damn.
I fucked up.
I fucked up in the most epic way.
Not only did I kiss Quinn. I then told her it was nice. Nice .
I’m a liar and an asshole.
It was more than nice.
And that isn’t something I should be admitting at all.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m not sure what possessed me to kiss her. The only time I even thought about it in the past was when we were younger. I told Seb she wanted to marry me, and he punched me straight in my nose and told me I was a jerk and to find another girl. I guess that warning became less effective over time, because I ploughed straight through that boundary tonight.
I felt like I had to do something. I just didn’t expect it to be a kiss. And I didn’t expect her to kiss me back like that.
The moment my lips touched hers, it was like everything in my body jolted to life, because holy fucking shit can she kiss. I briefly remember panicking because kissing has always been transactional for me, a part of a bigger act to get off, but that… Damn, that was something entirely new.
I might’ve been a tiny bit drunk when I came in here tonight and yeah, okay, I embellished said drunkenness when I saw her with that guy. But I sure as shit am stone-cold sober after that bolt of lightning struck through me.
Kissing Quinn was like waking up on Christmas morning to snow.
I’m in trouble.
It’s like my eyes are opening for the first time, and through my new sight, I don’t see my best friend’s little sister anymore. I see this grown woman who has curves that make me drool and long red hair that makes me want to wrap it around my fist. Freckles that speckle the bridge of her nose in the most perfect way. Noticing Quinn is natural; she’s always been beautiful. But she and I have never been that way, I’ve always only ever been protective of her. Until two minutes ago when I pressed my lips to hers, and I felt something else… Possession.
The cool almost-morning air hits me as I step outside, and I take a deep breath, hoping to clear the fog in my head. As I walk across campus, the sky starts to lighten, but the sun hasn't risen yet. The world is quiet, and it feels like I'm the only person awake.
Once I get to my dorm, the place is deserted, which is for the best. I’m not in any mood to bump into anyone. Hell, the only thing I can think of is her and how soft her lips are, and how the fuck I’ve never kissed her before today. Well, I know how. My best friend told me I couldn’t but, damn, if I had done it sooner, Seb wouldn’t have been able to stop me.
So now, how the fuck I’m supposed to deal with not kissing her next time I see her?
***
“Yo, Miles! You in?” Seb's voice echoes down the hall, followed by his familiar knock—a rapid-fire staccato that's impossible to ignore. What’s also impossible to ignore is the uneasiness creeping into my body, as I frantically spin around the room, looking for nothing yet unable to stop moving. As though as soon as he enters my room, he’ll know something is wrong just by being in here. Chill the fuck out, man. He doesn’t know you kissed Quinn. It’s not like she’s here either.
“Yeah, give me a sec,” I shout back, taking a deep breath and deciding to distract myself with packing for our away game. The less eye contact I give him, the better it’ll be. Pulling out my bag from under my bed, I throw it on my desk and chuck in some gym gear to make it look like I was in the middle of something. I head to the door, nearly colliding with Seb as he bursts in.
“Man, this place is a disaster,” he says, laughing at the discarded clothes scattered across the floor, my desk chair and hanging out my drawers. He’s got that easygoing grin on his face, which would soon vanish if he could see inside my head that’s filled with images of me kissing his little sister.
“Yeah, yeah. You’re one to talk,” I retort. Shoving him playfully, I pray my brain will stop sabotaging me. Walking to my desk to resume my packing, my stomach stops flipping out long enough to distract him from noticing my nerves.
“I hear you stayed at Quinn’s last night?” He saunters over to my bed, pushing off the mound of laundry that I still need to do and plopping down with no indication that he knows. But I still panic.
Pausing my hands, gripping the edge of the zipper, the metal pinches into my fingertips at the force I’m holding it. My heart stalls like an old, rusty chevvy that’s had its day. RIP me. He knows. He can tell I kissed his sister. Oh, shit.
Looking over to him, with a million apologies and justifications on the tip of my tongue, I open my mouth, and just as I do, he interrupts. “I was with Indie when she texted her last night,” he says before I blurt everything out.
Oh, fucking hell. Everything deflates in my body as I release my grip on the zipper and fight the urge to sag with relief. “Yeah, man,” I force out, clearing my throat. “I passed the fuck out. Lucky it wasn’t on a campus bench.” It’s a lie. I didn’t pass out at all.
He nods. “Quinn is the saint we don’t deserve. She’s always got our backs.”
“Yeah,” I agree, looking down at my bag as nausea swirls in my stomach.
“Did she keep you up all night?”
His question catches me off guard, making me turn to him sharply, my mouth falling open in surprise. “W-what? Why would you ask that?”
My pulse feels as though it’s rushing around my body at warp speed.
“Because she snores like a wooly mammoth?” he says as though I should remember that.
“Oh…” I deflate again, adrenaline ebbing. “I wouldn’t know. I sort of left early. Sobered up pretty fast.” I somehow manage to keep my voice light.
I continue searching my drawers for my hoodie, one that I don’t even need to pack, just to keep myself busy. That was really close. Too fucking close. I hate lying to him, but also, I didn’t think I’d ever need to lie about accidentally kissing his sister. But am I lying if he doesn’t ask? Fuck my warped logic.
“Have you heard from your dad?” Seb asks. His voice is casual, but I can hear the underlying concern. “He gonna watch the game tomorrow?”
A deep sigh escapes me, followed by a casual shrug, finally picking out the hoodie I was looking for but don’t need. “I don’t know. Last time we talked, he was still pissed about me getting thrown out of the game. Got another speech.”
“You didn’t even start the fight.”
“Yeah, well, he’s got his own ideas about how I should play,” I say, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. “But maybe he’ll watch. Who knows?” Who cares?
“I’m here if you want to talk about anything. But want my advice?”
“Pretty sure you’re going to give it to me anyway.”
“Ignore the bullshit. Focus on the game. Your dad, girls, school, none of that matters on the field.”
I inwardly sigh this time, zipping my duffel closed. Guilt twists and churns in my gut. Seb’s always got my back, and here I am, keeping secrets from him, secrets that could destroy our friendship.
“Let’s go to the gym. You look like you need a workout,” Seb says, getting to his feet and walking to the door.
I need something, alright.