Page 15 of Fragile (Cedar Lakes University #2)

Chapter fourteen

Miles

Seb shakes me awake, his hand firm on my shoulder. “Hey, man, time to get up. We have pre-practice warmups and breakfast.”

I groan and roll over, the dull ache of exhaustion settling in my bones. “What time is it?”

“Time to move your lazy ass.” Seb laughs as he yanks the covers off me. “Come on, we need to be downstairs in fifteen.”

I sit up, blinking against the harsh morning light filtering through the curtains. My head feels heavy, and my thoughts are a jumbled mess. Last night, I barely made it to the room before collapsing into bed. No dreams, just a deep, unsettling darkness that swallowed me whole. Maybe that was a blessing. No time to think about Quinn or that kiss. Or the crappy email my dad sent me with a long-ass list of his expectations of me.

Dragging myself out of bed, I pull on my practice gear, the fabric feeling rough against my skin. I splash some water on my face, trying to wake up, but the cold sting does little to chase away my mood. Seb’s all ready, his energy a stark contrast to my sluggishness. “You good?” he asks, concern flickering in his eyes.

“Yeah, just tired,” I mutter and avoid his gaze. I don't want him to see the turmoil brewing beneath the surface. While he grabs something from his bag, I find my wallet and push it into my back pocket, looking around for my phone. “You see my phone?”

“Yeah, I put it in the closet,” he says casually, as though that’s normal behavior.

“Because…?” I prompt.

He looks up at me. “Because I need your head in the game, and you don’t need any of daddy dearest’s pep talks today.”

I huff a laugh, both because my best friend is being good to me like he always is, and because he knows my dad has the ability to derail my game. What he has no idea about is how my doping can do that all by itself.

We head downstairs, and my stomach tightens with each step. I need coffee. Strong coffee. As we enter the breakfast area, my heart stutters when I spot Quinn across the room. She's laughing with Indie, her smile lighting up the space. She looks so effortlessly beautiful it almost hurts to look at her.

Panic claws at my chest, and I freeze, my brain scrambling for an escape. “I, uh, forgot something in the room. I'll catch up with you later,” I tell Seb, my voice tight. Before he can question me, I turn on my heel and bolt for the door.

The cool morning air hits my face as I step outside, my breaths coming in shallow gasps. I need to clear my head. There's a diner across the street with a flickering neon sign. It looks like the kind of place that serves terrible coffee. Perfect.

I push through the door, the bell jangling above me, and take a seat at the counter. The place smells like burnt toast and old grease. A tired-looking waitress shuffles over and pours me a cup without asking. As I wrap my hands around the mug, the warmth seeps into my cold fingers. Taking a sip, I grimace at the bitter taste. It's exactly what I need.

As I sit there, my thoughts spiral back to Quinn. How does she feel about the kiss? Does she regret it? Was she as surprised as I was by how good it felt? She kissed me back, so she was clearly into it, and that equal parts scares me and makes me feel something I’ve never felt with anyone else before. The memory of her lips on mine is a sharp, sweet ache that I haven’t been able to forget.

I want to talk to her, to know what she's thinking, but the fear of the unknown paralyzes me as soon as I lay eyes on her. The idea that I might have messed everything up is yet another thing for me to think about. I can’t afford to lose another person in my life. I can’t afford to let anything get to me. I need to keep it together. Is that what you’re doing with the pills? Keeping it together? The angel on my shoulder, who suspiciously looks a lot like Quinn, coos into my subconscious.

And that’s my other issue. The secret I've been carrying, the weight of it pressing down on me every time I play. Should I tell her about the drugs? Would she understand, or would she just see me as a screw-up? My hand trembles as I reach into my sweats pocket, touching the small, white pill in the plastic packet that I grabbed before I left the room.

I know I shouldn't, but I pop the pill into my mouth and down the rest of the cup, the bitterness masking the familiar tang of the drug. The caffeine and the pill together should give me the edge I need, but I’ll probably take another just before going out there too. I have to keep it together, at least until after the game. My dad’s emails have been a constant reminder of what’s at stake. If I mess up again, there’ll be hell to pay.

Shoving my thoughts aside, I leave the diner and head back to the hotel. Each step feels heavier than the last as the weight of my secrets pulls me down. Seb’s waiting for me outside, frowning. “Where'd you go? I thought you said you were going to the room.”

“Just needed some air,” I say, forcing a tight smile.

He gives me a skeptical look but doesn’t push it.

We join the rest of the team for warmups, and I focus on the motions, trying to let the routine calm my nerves. My body moves on autopilot, but my mind is a storm waiting to downpour. I can’t let anyone see how off I am. Especially not Quinn.

As we stretch and run drills, my eyes keep drifting to her. She's across the field, her focus on her own teammates, but every now and then, she glances my way. Every time our eyes clash, my chest constricts. Fuck. I really can’t afford to be this distracted.

I shake my head, trying to clear it. For now, the game is all that matters. We need this win in a few hours, and I need to prove I can handle it. Even if it means keeping secrets and pretending everything’s fine. The pressure is suffocating, but I force myself to breathe, to concentrate.

I need to be strong. For the team, for the game. For myself. Even if it means hiding the truth.

***

The locker room is a frenzy of celebration. We won. The exhaustion from the game is creeping up on me fast, but the victory has everyone buzzing, the adrenaline still coursing through our veins.

After we’ve showered and are dressed to the nines in our suits, the team heads to the hotel bar to keep the party spirit going. Apparently, they’re happy for us to have beer if some of the seniors order it. Not the best logic, but I’m too drained to join in.

“Where the hell are you going, Cooper?” Hudson asks as I try to slip away, needing some quiet time.

“To sleep, man. Have a drink for me, okay?”

“Party pooper.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get lost. Go party,” I say, pressing the button for the elevator.

My feet are heavy as I lumber to my room, swiping the keycard. I suddenly get an overwhelming scent of cinnamon, and my head snaps to the second bed in the room where I see Quinn sitting, with her laptop open. My heart skips a beat, surprise and confusion washing over me. “Quinn?” I say, my voice tinged with disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

She offers a small, awkward smile, taking off her headphones. “Seb asked if we could switch rooms for the night. He wanted to be with Indie,” she says with hesitation. “I didn’t think you’d mind…”

“Right. That makes sense. No, it’s fine that you’re here. Of course it is.”

With a grimace so unlike her, she closes her laptop. “Really? Because I can ask if there’s another room. Maybe that would be better.”

My feet move toward her bed before I can stop them. “No, no, it’s…” I stop myself and take a breath. “It’s fine, Queenie. I want you here.”

We’re both quiet for a moment, the air thick with unspoken words. She clears her throat to break the silence. “Okay, thank you.”

Turning back to my bed, I take off the tie that suddenly feels too tight. “You don’t have to thank me, I’m glad you’re here,” I admit, because she’s still my best friend, no matter what. I want to be around her; she’s comfort, she’s safe, and I need that.

She doesn’t make an attempt to put her headphones back on, and the weight of our last encounter feels like a physical presence standing between us. Quinn and I have never had awkwardness between us before, and I’m not sure how to deal with it now. I’ve been hiding, ignoring things, sure, but I also know I can’t keep doing that. My fingers run down my shirt, unbuttoning the top few buttons so I can breathe again.

In and out. In and out.

But it doesn’t work. I know we need to talk, clear the air, but how do I bring up the kiss? ‘Hey, do you remember last night when I kissed you? Well, funny thing, I’ve been wanting to do that again, I think? Which is weird…because we don’t do that.’ Yeah, that’s terrifying.

She takes a deep breath, her exhale wobbly, and it makes me turn my head.

“Listen—” I say, at the same time as she says, “Are we—”

We both laugh, the room growing stifling with unsaid words. “You go,” I offer.

She licks her lips, and it’s that exact moment I know I’m screwed. All I can think is how I want to be closer to her, to feel her, to learn even more about her, because Quinn isn’t just the girl that’s been in front of me my whole life, she’s strong and so fucking beautiful. Does she feel the same? The question plagues me. “Are we ignoring the elephant in the room, or do you not remember anything from last night?”

Relief and anxiety battle within me. I run a hand through my hair, exhaling slowly. “Fuck,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “It’s been driving me crazy, honestly.”

Her green eyes pierce mine, and for a moment there’s complete silence, the only sound the rapid thumping of my heart.

“Crazy good or crazy bad?” she asks, tilting her head with an unreadable expression on her face.

The edge of that cliff feels like it’s right there beneath my feet. I could lie and lose her, but that thought tears me up inside. “Just crazy,” I settle on, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Do you want to forget about it?” she asks, and that twists my insides further.

I take a tentative step toward her bed. “I don’t know how to handle this.”

“Okay, then answer me this: Have you been ignoring me on purpose?”

Guilt eats at me, because yeah, I have to a degree while I’ve tried to sort my head out today. “I just didn’t know how to figure this out. I didn’t want to make things weird between us.”

“A little late for that,” she mutters, but doesn’t meet my eyes.

She’s right. It’s weird. So, I guess it’s now or never. I need to tell her. I take one deep inhale and brace myself.

“Quinn, I shouldn’t have kissed you.”