Page 31

31

JACK

HOME

I wave across the living room as Bobby and Kit quietly turn toward the kitchen. Fuck getting a snack. I just want Bambie.

Creeping up the stairs, I’m conscious of the fact it’s three in the morning and the kids are sound asleep. No way in hell am I waking any of them and losing more time with my girl.

Our plane was delayed four fucking hours.

The longest four hours of my life.

My dick throbs with pain and the knowledge that she’s so fucking close. I tiptoe into my dark room, close the door with a silent snick, and when I turn around, my heart breaks.

So close, yet so far away.

Sound asleep on top of the covers, the moonlight filters through the open curtains and shimmers against Britt’s unblemished skin.

I can just picture her lying on my bed, waiting, watching through the window. And I’m four hours too late.

Annie’s head pops up. She sniffs the air and whips the side of my bed with her tail.

“Shhh.” I bend down and scratch her ears. “Go to sleep, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Licking my hand, she drops her head back to the floor, takes a deep breath, lets it out noisily, then falls back to sleep.

I toe my shoes off soundlessly. I need a shower, but I don’t want to be away from Bambie any longer. I smell like plane air, stale and gross, but I toss my shirt to the floor, push my jeans away, kick off my boxers, and peel away my socks.

Naked as the day I was born, I lift my girl up, pull the covers down, and put us both to bed.

In nothing more than tiny panties and a bra – a matching set – I lament the fact she wore those for me, but instead of showing them off, she fell asleep waiting.

Tomorrow.

I’m taking tomorrow off, no gym, no training, no promo. We’re taking tomorrow for us. We’re going to the lookout, and we’ll dance.

Pulling her soft body against mine, I position her half over my body and pull her leg up until she’s almost straddling me. Sleepily, she lifts her arm over my stomach and snuggles in.

Brushing her hair away from my nose when it starts to tickle, I breathe her in and close my eyes. “I have a secret to tell you, Bambie.”

She smacks her lips in her sleep. She’s deep out. She can’t hear me, but that’s okay. I can tell her my secret while she sleeps, then maybe soon, I’ll be brave enough to tell her when she’s awake.

She continues to tell me she’s cool with us, she’s casual , she’s not jealous. I’m terrified that she might not feel the same way I do. I’m terrified she’ll run if I admit this out loud, but right here, right now surrounded by the dark, in the quiet of the night, I can tell her without fear of rejection.

“I love you, Bambie. I love you so much my heart aches, but for once, it’s finally a good ache.”

I know I’m dreaming, it’s not so hard to figure out, since I’m standing beside my old Rav.

Then there’s the fact – alive and well, and just as beautiful as always – Steph walks toward me with the sun glowing through her hair. It gives her a halo and proves what I already knew; she’s a beautiful angel.

She looks exactly like she did before she was hurt – her freckles stand out on her pale skin, her hair still wild and curly.

Untamable.

She bought a hair straightener once; expensive as fuck, something NASA invented, no doubt. She spent hours in the bathroom and straightened the wild curls until they sat perfectly sleek and touched her ass.

It took her the better part of two hours, burned spots on her scalp, and several hurt fingers to achieve the result. We were going out to a fancy dinner, our fifth year anniversary. She wore a fire-engine-red dress that complemented the red hues in her hair, and high heels that actually brought her up to my chin and made her legs look amazing.

It wasn’t her , at all. But she was stunning, nonetheless.

It was raining that day, and though I covered her from door to door – I held up her umbrella, I didn’t let a single drop land on her hair – the moisture in the air still had her curls springing back to normal before we reached the restaurant.

She was devastated.

I told her a million times that I liked her hair exactly the way it was, but she said she wanted to impress me. She wanted to stack up to the women who beg for my attention at fights and in the public.

She never had to worry.

She was the only woman I ever saw. I was never tempted by anyone else.

Not once.

The straightener was never turned on again after that day. It sits in my bathroom cabinet even now, thrown in the back, buried under stacks of razors and shampoo bottles.

Like my feet are stuck in cement shoes, I remain by the Rav and watch her walk toward me. I know this is a dream, I’m conscious of the fact, but still, my smile can’t be wiped away.

This is the first time I’ve seen her in so long, and my memories have let me down. Her perfection, her beauty, it’s all fading.

Just like I know this is a dream, I also know of Bambie’s existence, and knowing that while being face to face with Steph doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I expected it would.

“You didn’t come and see me this week.”

I take her in my arms and pull her against my chest the way we have a billion times in the past. “I was away.” I press a kiss to her cheek and let her step back. “But I thought of you. I was gonna come see you tomorrow.”

Resting against the Rav beside me, she mirrors my stance and grins playfully. “It’s okay. You wanted to come home to see your Bambie, huh?”

I nod. “I missed her so much, Steph. I had to come see her first.”

Smiling, she looks me up and down the same way I study her. “You look good. Much better than last year.”

Scoffing, I throw an arm over her shoulder and hold her close. I know this is a dream, but I’m still happy to see her. She was my best friend for a long time.

“She helped me, Steph. She saved me.”

“Yeah. I know.”

I glance down into light green eyes. “Did you send her to me?”

“Nah,” she giggles. “This isn’t me. This was you. You earned her.”

“What would’ve happened if you didn’t get hurt? Would I have had to choose?”

“I don’t know the answer to that.” She wraps her arm around my stomach. “But I was hurt. I’m not here, so you don’t have to choose.”

“I feel guilty. Because I’m glad I don’t have to choose. Isn’t that basically the same thing as being glad you’re not here anymore?”

She shakes her head and snuggles in close. “What happened wasn’t your fault, Jack. Everything that’s happened… it doesn’t have to be mutually inclusive. You don’t have to mash it all together and make it live in harmony. It doesn’t have to all be… one. It just is. I’m not here anymore, and that sucks, but it’s our reality now. And she is here, and so are you, so that’s okay. It’s okay to be happy. I loved you so much, I’m just happy that you’re happy.”

Standing in companionable silence, like friends who’ve been separated for a year, we study each other. I can count the number of freckles on her nose; I have a million times before. I can recall the exact shades of brown and blonde and red in her hair.

“I never asked you to move in with me.”

“No.” Shaking her head, she tucks loose hair behind her ears. “You didn’t.”

“I never asked you to marry me, either.”

“We were just babies. We were doing our thing, and we were doing it at the exact right speed for us.”

“I’m so sorry, Steph.”

She squeezes my arm. “I have no regrets. None at all. I had a good life.”

“I’m going to ask Bambie to marry me.”

She smiles so genuinely, I feel the lock on my heart release. Guilt and betrayal, hesitation and heartbreak, it all disintegrates. “That’s really good. I think that’s a great idea.”

“I love her so much.”

“I know.”

“It’s different to how I loved you.”

She continues to smile. “I know that, too. We were just kids. We had a kid’s love. We never had the regular daily struggles regular couples do. We didn’t have to struggle for anything at all. Everything came so easily to us.” Turning, she takes my forearms in her hands. “It’s okay that we lived and loved in our bubble, Jack. We’ll always have those years to think back on. We’ll always have that bubble of perfection, but don’t judge your future relationships on us. Ours was different to the norm.”

“Yeah… I know.”

“She might give you trouble, she’s got more spunk than I did.”

Laughing, almost crying, I try to swallow down the lump in my throat.

“I loved you so much, Jack. I just wanted to hold on to you. I would’ve done anything for you, been anything, dressed any way you wanted me. You never gave me reason to doubt, but I was insecure, anyway. I had spunk deep inside me, but I never let you see it. I didn’t want to make waves.”

“You shouldn’t have done that, Steph. You should’ve made me work for it.”

She shrugs easily. “It doesn’t matter anymore. But Brittany… she has spunk.”

“Yeah. She does.”

“So when she doesn’t make life easy on you, don’t compare her to me. She’s just keeping it real. I gave you the fairytale, because I was young and na?ve and energetic enough to keep it up. But that’s not real. Britt’s your real now.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“You’ll be happy with her. She seems nice.”

“She is nice. She’s beautiful and funny. She’s brave and adventurous.”

“Hold on to her, okay? Hold on to her with both hands and don’t let her tell you she wants out. She won’t mean it.”

I frown. “Is she looking for an out?”

“This is your dream,” she laughs. “I don’t know the answers. I’m just telling you what you already know.”

“Are you okay with me marrying her?”

“Yeah,” she smiles. “I really am. You’re happy.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t let that go.”

“I won’t.” Tingles of pleasure roll through my body. I can tell, even as I sleep, that Bambie’s nearby.

“Don’t let her go, Jack.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t let her escape. ”

I frown at her repetitive insistence. “I won’t, I promise.”

“Goodbye, Jack. Be happy.”

“Goodbye. I love you, Stephy.”

“Wake up now, Jack.”

“Huh?”

Wake up!