Page 22

22

brITT

MEETING A MATRIARCH

O h my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Studying my neck in Jack’s bedroom mirror, I scrub my skin raw in an attempt to remove the marks he left behind last night. Red from his five o’clock stubble, then bruised and peppered with tiny hickeys. Marks that could probably be hidden easily with makeup and a well-placed turtleneck.

But not today.

Not with the minimal clothing I have, and the knowledge that every fucking Kincaid in the universe noisily bangs around the kitchen downstairs.

They know I’m here.

They know!

Stepping in close behind me, Jack rests his hands on my hips and grins like a smug jerk.

I want to punch him in his damn throat, yet he only pulls me against his chest and laughs.

“You need to relax.” Bringing his mouth back to the exact spots he abused last night, he ruins any progress I might have made when he pulls my flesh between his teeth and nibbles.

“Relax?” I elbow him in the stomach and attempt to push him back. “How am I supposed to relax?” I snap my hand up and point at my smudged makeup. “I look like a raccoon.” Then I point at my neck. “With hickeys! I have students downstairs that are just about to become supremely confused, and you have family that’s going to look at me all…”

His eyes dance. Totally at fucking ease. “They’re going to look at you how?”

“All knowing and shit!”

“What do they know?”

I glare at his reflection. “You know what they know, and you know they know that I know it!”

His smug lips twitch. “What do I know, beautiful?”

I spin in his arms and poke his chest. “You know!”

He laughs. I attempt to dodge his hold and move away – I’m irrationally angry, anger borne from humiliation – but he throws his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into his chest.

“Stop, Bambie. You need to take a breath. They’ll be nice, I promise.”

I stare into his eyes, blue and sparkling as they gaze down into mine. “You promise?”

“I promise.” He drops a kiss on my forehead. “They’ll be nice… to you.”

My eyes narrow. “Tell it to me straight before I stab you.”

“They’ll probably tease me. They’ll bring it up. But they won’t be mean to you.”

“But, Jack…” My whining annoys me. “I have students downstairs.” I point toward his bedroom door. “I have parents of students downstairs. How am I ever supposed to have a parent teacher meeting with them again? How could I ever send the girls to detention again?”

His lips twitch. “Over our kitchen table?”

I punch him in the chest. “You’re not taking this seriously enough!”

“You’re taking this seriously enough for both of us,” he laughs. “Relax, Bambie. This isn’t a big deal.”

I know that he’s lying. And I know that he knows that he’s lying.

Stupid liar.

“Seriously, stop.” Groaning, he takes my face in his calloused hands. Hands that played me like the strings on a guitar last night. His soft lips peck the tip of my nose. “I hate to bring it up again, because it’s my ass that I’m showing. But Bambie, you survived what was possibly the worst walk of shame… Of. All. Time. You accused me of ass fucking my brothers. There’s nothing that could be worse than that. There is no down from there, babe, there’s only up.”

I shake my head and groan. “You just made this so much worse. You didn’t help at all. ”

Using his fingers to lift my chin, he draws my eyes back to his. I haven’t noticed his sneaky dimple for a while, but it flashes today. It’s almost special enough to forgive him on the spot.

“How did I make it worse?”

But of course, I don’t. “I forgot I said that to them.”

Laughing, he smacks a hard kiss over my lips. “It’s fine, Bambie. Let’s go. You only have to do this once, then it’s all over.”

Dragging me from his room and toward the stairs, I feel like a teenager that’s been caught in her boyfriend’s bedroom. We’re in the middle of our twenties. I have a real-life grown-up job, and I haven’t had a curfew in a long time. But it feels so much more awkward; these people, this gauntlet we’re walking into, and they aren’t even his parents!

They’re his thirty-something-year-old siblings.

That should make it easier, but somehow, it feels worse!

So much worse.

Walking down the family home’s ornate timber staircase, the carved and flowery handrails with the smallest detail etched in, the individual flowers and curves, they all work to distract me from my pending death. The most beautiful staircase I’ve ever seen in my life distracts me for half a second.

Just a half.

Dragging my feet, I follow behind Jack and study his fresh tank, the black fabric, the white and purple gym logos; his arms, large with defined muscles… they’re all about as distracting as the flowers on the staircase.

Every step we take brings us closer to the noise of the kitchen, to the hustle and chaos of God knows how many adults and children.

I know for a damn fact all his siblings live in this estate. I do the mental math. So… eight adults and ten kids?

Fuck.

Off!

Squeezing my hand in his, Jack glances over his shoulder and stops on the second to last stair. “Hey.” Turning, he presses a gentle kiss to my lips. “I swear it’ll be fine. I’ll protect you.”

I let out a fortifying breath, nod, and follow him down the last two stairs and let him lead me through the entrance and into the kitchen.

Yeah.

Just a fast headcount has me thinking eighteen humans is an underestimate.

How does he live like this ?

I thought having the band around was a lot, but this is just a whole new level of noise and crazy.

Everyone races around, pancakes are flipping, children are squealing, and adults are doing their best to ignore it while they inhale caffeine as fast as humanly possible.

“Want some coffee?”

Startled, I look back into Jack’s eyes and silently thank him for not being loud. I nod. I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my life. “Yes please.”

Yes, I want coffee. No, I will not release your hand.

Following him into the chaos, it’s like I’m walking into a battlefield; a flaming hot, bomb blowing, dust flying, shrapnel spewing hot zone, but I’m without body armor or a weapon. I simply have Jack’s hand in mine. And though I know in a real danger situation he’d protect me, I feel like despite his words, today, in this kitchen, gloves are off.

And I’d deserve it after what I said about them.

“Morning, Britt.”

I look up into Tina’s kindly smiling eyes and gulp. “Morning.”

“Hey, Britt.”

My eyes snap to Izzy’s as she busily cuts pancakes for the twin boys. “Hey Iz.”

I almost jump out of my skin when a wet, slobbery tongue slides along my arm. Glancing down into Annie’s deep chocolate eyes, I pull her close when Jack detaches his hand from mine and moves toward the coffee machine.

I was wondering where she was, but my pity party was running too deep for me to actually ask. The sliding back door stands open, and a steaming pile of dog crap sits in the middle of the back lawn like a beacon in the night.

Guess what Jack’s doing in a little while.

She presses her face to my stomach and snuggles in. I rub her ears and try to remain as invisible as any strange female in a strange kitchen with hickeys on her neck can be.

Every second that Jack’s gone has the nervous flutters in my stomach growing into powerful angry wings. They tear me up and force bile to rise in my throat.

Someone just say something!

Put me out of my misery.

I turn to Jimmy, the one person I vowed to ignore only minutes ago, and stare. I stare so hard at the line of his nose, that he must feel the burn. I need someone to break the tension it seems only I can feel.

Like he really can feel it, he turns and his eyes meet mine.

Here it is. Here it comes. Brace my body. Legs bent. Hands fisted.

He smiles sweetly. “Mornin’, Bambie.”

Turning back to his daughter, he flips the page in their chapter book and goes about his life like I don’t exist.

I simply blink. Blink. Blink.

That’s it?

“Here you go.” Jack places a hot mug in my hands and smiles until his dimple flashes. He knows his power! He knows what he’s doing. Bending lower, he looks into my eyes. “It’s okay, Bambie. Relax. Breathe.”

“Morning, Miss T.”

I look into Evie’s eyes. No sass. No trouble. Just a simple hello. She walks by me with a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. She’s her mama’s twin. Both in jeans. Both in Rollin tank tops. Both with a mug in their hands.

“Good morning, Evie.”

Sliding into her seat at the table, Evie smiles. “Since you’re Uncle Jack’s friend now, remember I told you, you can call me Smalls, too.” She shrugs. “If you wanna. Everyone else does.”

“Oh…kay.”

Smiling sweetly, she turns to the second sexiest man in this room – I really need to stop crushing on Aiden Kincaid! – and begins chatting about stuff other than the fact he – Aiden – and Jack are sexy as hell.

I watch them a minute longer, but they simply chat and smile, then Lucy tunes in, nods to the living room, and they take off at a trot.

This is all too surreal. I feel like their lack of joking is the joke.

“Morning, Britt.”

Turning to Kit, I smile and finally begin to relax. I think the worst is over.

“Morn–” She tosses her toddler daughter into my arms so hard, I let out a grunt.

“You wake her, her whiny ass is your problem.”

And there it is.

Everyone in the room – everyone , including the twin boys – bursts into peals of laughter. Jimmy’s the loudest. Of course he is. He slaps the table, swipes tears from his eyes, and flaps his arms like an idiot baby bird.

Closing my eyes, I feel the force of their laughter batter at my body.

“Leave her alone.” Tink stands and shushes her family. She slaps her chuckling husband on the back of the head as she passes with dirty dishes. “She’ll never come back if you don’t stop.”

I’d like to say that was true. I’m dying here, but then I look at Jack again, at his dimple, and I know I’ll be back.

An older lady stands from within the group. I hadn’t even noticed her before, but as she stands and slaps every guy on the back of the head as she walks by, even Aiden, who wasn’t actually laughing at all, the whole group falls silent.

I’ve never met her before, but I recognize her from pictures hanging in Jack’s office.

I swallow down dread as the Kincaid family matriarch walks toward me.

She’s not old at all; mid-fifties, at the most. A long, fit body, neat hair that sits around her shoulders, an easy smile that lessens my dread, but inquisitive eyes that bring it back.

Jack takes Emma from my arms and sits her on his hip as he throws his other arm over my shoulders. Standing tall and proud, he faces the lady as she stops in front of us.

She’s checking me out in a way Kit never did. I thought I was scared of his sister, but this woman, this woman holds all the power.

“Bambie,” Jack begins seriously. “I want you to meet Nelly. Mama, meet Britt.”

Mama?

She smiles so fucking genuinely, I can’t even help returning it. Extending my hand, she takes it between hers and squeezes comfortingly.

“Brittany. It’s so lovely to meet you. I’m sorry my children are immature fools.”

“Mom!” Jimmy’s cry cuts off on a pained gurgle as she snaps her head around and pins him with a glare. “Never mind.”

Lips pursed, eyes rolling, she turns back to me. “I’m so sorry about them. I tried, I really did. But they’re adults, now. They have kids of their own, they pay their own bills. I failed as a mother, seeing as none of them matured past their fifth birthday.”

“But Mom! Don’t be fooled with her innocent act! You should’ve heard the things she said about us.”

My eyes snap to his. Don’t you dare!

He smiles evilly. He would totally dare.

“James.” Nelly glares over her shoulder a second time. “You were the youngest. You were my baby, and thus, you got away with a lot. But you’re a grown ass man, now. Grown or not, I will smack you if you talk back again.”

When she turns back to me, he rolls his eyes behind her back. “I’m sorry, Mama.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Hey, Britt,” Jon murmurs mischievously. “I didn’t see your car outside this morning. You just get here?”

The heat rushes to my face. No! Don’t do this.

“I saw it,” Aiden adds seriously. “It’s out the front.”

Jimmy’s smug grin grows. “It’s so strange that you’d park all the way out the front.”

I glare. Parent-teacher dynamics can go to hell. If I could set him on fire with my eyes, I would.

“I didn’t get a text that the gates opened,” Jon ponders as he literally takes his phone from his pocket. “No, wait, I see it.” His eyes meet mine. “They weren’t opened. But security was breached.”

I bite my lip. I want to feel the sting. I want to feel anything other than the humiliation.

“Security was breached?” Kit conveniently asks with a smile.

Oh. My. Damn!

She knows damn well security was breached. I was in her house!

“Uh-huh,” Jon continues. “But, last night. Not today.”

Brooke and Alex, the six-year-old cousins, cry out and giggle. “Did you sleep in Uncle Jack’s room?”

Jimmy’s smile is victorious. “Well, hell.” He leans back in his chair and laces his hands behind his head. “My work here is done.”

Rolling her eyes, Nelly snags a rolled-up newspaper from the kitchen counter and pegs it at her son with surprising accuracy.

“Don’t mind him.” She turns back to me. Her hand comes up like she’s going to pat my shoulder, but instead, her soft fingers touch my neck. “I have cream for that that I could lend to you. Eczema really bothers me sometimes, too.”

Turning on her heels, she walks back to her seat and sits down, elegantly crossing her legs as she picks up her tea. Those are the things she’s doing, but in my mind, all I see is a hand suspended in the air, then a dramatic mic drop.

She’s savage.

Jimmy howls and tosses the newspaper at his angelic mother. Even the previously above it all Izzy and Tina snicker and hide their faces. Emma giggles and forgets she’s tired. And Jack, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling my face against his chest, laughs and presses a firm kiss to my temple. “You’re in now, Bambie. The worst is over.”

“I hate you.”

“Jack.” Packing away dirty dishes and peeling slices of cut pancake off the table, Bobby glances up with a scowl. “After you lower Britt back out your window and toss her over the gates, we need to go to the gym. You have a fight to win and sponsorship deals to earn back. You’re costing me money.”

It could’ve gone worse, I guess.

At least Evie wasn’t listening to the worst of it. And after their initial ribbing, like it was a compulsion they just had to fulfill, as soon as the awkwardness was so savagely laid down, everyone turned cool and the jokes were shared evenly again.

Jack might be right. Maybe I’m in. And maybe it’s over now.

But not quite.

I didn’t meet the whole family yet.

After a breakfast similar to the one I shared with Jack and the kids the first time, Jack walked me back up to his room, kissed me good and proper until I felt it in the tips of my fingers and down to the balls of my feet, then he allowed me to shower – time I used to recollect my dignity.

I checked my texts, several of which were waiting on my phone from my brothers; I replied ‘I’m fine.’ And from the girls; I replied ‘I’ll tell you later.’ Then Jack walked me out to my car, and even went so far as to open the gates, rather than toss me over.

Who said chivalry was dead?

Vaguely wondering if the next time I come back, there might be barbed wire circling the perimeter, I drove away content in the knowledge that Jack likes me enough that he’d probably still let me back in.

Now, an hour after my walk of shame through Kit and Bobby’s kitchen, I park my car in a place I was parked not so long ago.

Green grassy lawns. Flowers and trees. Clear blue skies, and birds overhead.

Shiiiiit.

Climbing out, I follow my feet along stone walkways lined with rose trellises and ornamental pear trees.

I know who I’m looking for, I know her full name, but it still takes me fifteen minutes of walking row to row, up and down while I read random names and dates and sadness fills me at so many narrow windows of life.

Then I find her.

Fresh daisies stand below her engraved name. White and purple, the open petals searching for the sun. My empty hands shake when I realize I really should’ve brought her something.

I stand awkwardly, ankles crossed, silver anklet shimmering in the sunlight, black painted nails standing out starkly against the otherwise beautiful surrounds of thick green lawn and pretty flowers.

“So… ah.” I bite my thumbnail nervously. “My name is Brittany Turner… and you’re Steph.” I’m not sure if I wish she could answer me. At least she can’t hit me for wearing her boyfriend’s hickeys. “I don’t know the protocol here…” I sit on the grass covering her grave. I hope really friggin hard that that’s not disrespectful. I don’t mean to disrespect her. I just want to talk.

Like confession.

“I just wanted to introduce myself.” I pick at the blades of grass nervously. Snapping them off, twirling them between my fingers, then throwing them down. “I know about you. I didn’t know it before, but now that I know, I know you and Jack were… are , kind of famous. I Googled you,” I confess and swallow down my nerves. “I didn’t know Jack was Jack until… well, after. But now that I know, I know that you and he were together since high school.

“He talks about you a lot, Steph. He’ll never forget you, I want you to know that. He loves you so fucking much, and I can’t even find it in my heart to feel jealous that he’s thinking of you even when I’m right there in front of him. How could I ever compete with the love of his life? How could I compete with this history?” My stomach flops painfully. “So, I won’t. I won’t compete. I’ll just walk beside you, you know? I’m not anything to compete with, so you don’t have to worry. Jack and I are just… friends. Who are attracted to each other.”

I nod like we’re having a real conversation and she’s agreeing with me.

“I’m really sorry you got hurt. I’m sorry that you met such a wonderful man, then you lost him.” Ridiculously, my eyes itch with unshed tears. I’m grieving for a girl I’ve never met. “People die every day, but somehow, yours feels worse. How is it fair that you got to be loved by someone like him, then have it taken away?” I shake my head.

It’s not fair.

“I’m not sure if you know about me. You probably do, because my entrance in his life was kind of…” I laugh, despite my tears. “Big. And he seems the type to tell the truth, obnoxiously so, so I figure his guilt for calling me a whore had him sitting here treating you like a confessional, too. It would explain the flowers…

“So yeah, I’m Britt the whore. Don’t worry, I’m not actually a whore, and I swear I’ll never hurt him. I’m sorry he was yours first, and now you’re not here. I’m sorry that I am here and I get to see him and touch him. I’m not sure if there’s something after this world, or if you can see us, but if there is and you can, I’m sorry that you get to watch me with him. I know that must hurt.”

I pick more blades of grass and squash them between my fingers. “I don’t want to compete with you, Steph. I can’t. I’d never win. And I think if I tried, it would wear me down really fast. So, I’ll just be happy being me, and Jack being Jack, and you… being in the room with us. I’m okay with that. I was hoping you and me, maybe we can be friends? I’d like to think if you were still here you might like me. I’m a good person, I swear. I’m never mean or unfair. I’ll never hurt him…”

I read her fancy headstone. Her birth date, then the date she died. Not enough years.

“I’m not here to replace you. I’m simply here because hanging out with him makes me happy. And just like I need Annie’s approval, I need yours, too. I can’t be you, Steph, but I can be me. I can try and give him something back, something your absence took from him, and maybe he and I could create something out of that. That’s enough for me.”

I stand after a few silent minutes and lay my palm on the top of her headstone. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you’re not here anymore, but I’ll take care of him.” Touching my fingers to my lips, I place them back on the stone. “I’ll be back, okay? I’ll visit you. I’ll let you know how he’s doing. We’re sisters now.”

I feel so nervous, like I just spilled my guts to a stranger, which, technically, I kind of did. Taking one last lingering look at the thick bouquet of flowers in front of her headstone, I smile and remember the flower Jack gave me.