Page 62 of False Start

“I’m back,” I said, tossing my wallet and hotel key on the same desk I had before. “Are you decent? Because if so, I can go back out and wait for you to get naked.”

I hoped the joke came out without the shake I swore I felt in my voice. I stayed by the foot of the bed, pretending like I was taking in the scene for the first time as Madelyn swung out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

She was still dripping wet, her face flushed and her smile a little strained. “In your dreams, Robbins,” she said.

“My teenage dreams, for sure,” I shot back with a wink.

She rolled her eyes, and I thought I saw her shaking a bit as she ran a hand over her wet hair and let out a long exhale.

“How long do I have before we need to go?”

I checked the time on my phone. “About an hour.”

“Perfect. You need to shower? I can do my makeup in here.”

My throat was tight when I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be quick.”

“Take your time,” she said, moving her stuff into the main bedroom where a large, floor-length mirror was.

She sank down right on the floor, legs crossed under her towel. For a second, she frowned at her reflection, sighing like she looked like hell when it was the exact opposite. Then, she looked up at me, her expression a bit solemn, brows folding together.

“Thank you,” she said.

She didn’t need to say what for. I could see it in her eyes.

She needed that time alone.

That time to rest, to wake up slowly and drink tea, to listen to music and touch herself in a bubble bath.

She probably hadn’t done it in years.

I nodded, clearing my throat. “I’ll be quick,” I said again, which made me wince at the dumb repetitiveness, and Madelyn smiled, cheeks flushing a bit more when she turned back to her reflection.

I bolted for the shower, shutting the bathroom door behind me and ripping off my clothes like they were made of pine needles.

I ran that water as cold as it would go before I stepped under the spray.

Madelyn

Kyle was uncharacteristically quiet after his shower, and we got dressed and ready mostly in silence.

I didn’t mind.

It was hardlyeversilent in my life.

Besides, I was still slightly frustrated after my bath.

It was nothing new for me. Somewhere over the last couple of years, I’d lost the ability to make myself get off. I’d tried everything from toys to porn, but I could never turn my brain off long enough to fully release.

I was mildly aware it likely had to do with my ex-husband. Nothing about our sex life had been fun — especially since he loved to weaponize intimacy in a way that made it feel more like a chore than anything else. But maybe part of me was in denial about that. Maybe I just didn’t want to deal with it.

Maybe I was pissed he had any semblance of power over me still, so I refused to acknowledge it at all.

After my nap, I’d felt stirred up. Maybe from the day’s events, maybe from thatkiss.

The water had been so warm and inviting, and the more I soaked, the more I ached for a release.

But I couldn’t get myself there.