Page 156 of False Start

I knew it wasn’t easy for her to leave my father. I knew she was scared out of her mind those first few months, thinking he’d show up and drag her out of my house by her hair. He would have had me to answer to if he so much as tried — and maybe that’s why he never did.

Eventually, she flew back to file for divorce, and surprisingly, Dad didn’t fight her on it.

That hurt her worse than anything.

He didn’t fight to keep her. He didn’t fight to have a relationship with me. He was perfectly content to let us both go.

While it broke my mom’s heart for us, it broke mine more forhim— because all that told me was that he was hurt, and he had no intention of healing. I would never know the reasons my father was the way he was. I would never know what happened to him, or what dark secrets he held onto.

But sometimes, that’s just the way it is. You can love someone and never understand them. You can care for someone, and also have to draw boundaries with them. You can wish someone well while also realizing that in order foryourselfto be well, you have to let them go.

“Let’s get you to that altar, shall we?” Mom said, tugging on my tie one last time.

I bent and kissed her on the forehead, looping my arm through hers, and then we made our way outside.

The venue Madelyn and I had settled on was simple, save for the views it offered. Nestled atop a cliff on a beautiful gorge with the Pacific Northwest spread out in all its glory, the altar was nothing more than three old pieces of wood nailed together by someone hundreds of years ago. But the view made it grand, luxurious, and breathtaking.

We’d needed only one look at it to know it was the one for us.

It was such a small ceremony, Madelyn and I had opted not to have the traditional bridesmaids and groomsmen next tous. Instead, I walked past my friends seated on either side of the aisle, smiling as they shot out jokes and one-liners at my expense.

Clay and Giana were attempting to wrangle Atlas, who was eager to show off his new skill of walking. Riley and Zeke sat next to them, Riley smiling despite the fact that I was sure she was still battling nausea as Zeke rubbed her back soothingly. She was in her first trimester — a secret she shared with us only so we would know if she ran out of our wedding to puke, that it wasn’t because of us.

Holden, Julep, Mary, and Leo sat in the row across the aisle from the previous group. Holden seemed to sit a bit taller now — something I was sure winning the Super Bowl did to everyone. He’d taken a team that had virtually zero chance of even making the playoffs three years ago all the way to the end.

I had a feeling he’d go down as one of the greatest, and I was all too eager to be in the same category.

Just behind them sat Braden and Emily — his arm draped around the back of her chair, and her smirking and leaning into him. She and Mary had spent most of our welcome dinner last night planning out Emily’s next tattoo, all while the rest of us reminisced with Braden about the bumpy road they’d had that led to where they were now.

But that’s a story for another time.

Once I was at the altar, Mom wrapped me in a light hug before taking her seat in the front row. Instead of sitting on a certain side of the aisle, she sat right next to Madelyn’s mom — who had become a great friend to my mom in this trying time in her life.

Other than our parents and the North Boston University crew, we had only a few other guests. There were some women Madelyn met through mommy groups there with their husbands and kids, Madelyn’s brother, of course, and his wife. I’d inviteda few close friends from the team, who were having a hard time keeping their rowdiness in check before the reception.

All in all, we had less than fifty guests in attendance.

When I turned to face them once I was at the altar, I was thankful for the small gathering. Something about me had turned inward when I became a father. I’d become more private, barely posting on social media once a week, if at all, andneverwith my kids in the photos. They couldn’t escape the media — not with my career, and especially since Sebastian wanted to be at every game — but I could at least let them be the ones to decide on their social media presence once they were old enough.

We’d kept the date quiet, somehow able to skirt the media frenzy — likely thanks to Giana throwing reporters off any time they sniffed around asking.

And it just feltright, being surrounded by our close friends and family on our big day.

My throat felt tight as I folded my hands in front of my waist and waited for the ceremony to start. I couldn’t keep the emotion at bay, no matter how I tried. It was creeping up more and more with every passing moment.

Never in a million years did I think I’d be in this position.

It was unreal, honestly, to think back on who I was two years ago. That version of me was a shell of a man, a shadow of what I was to become. He wandered around aimlessly. He imagined a career in the NFL where the only thing that mattered to him was having the best stats, winning every game, and fucking the hottest women he could find along the way. That man’s biggest concerns were what car he drove, and how many likes his most recent post had on Instagram.

I didn’t know that man now.

Because now, my entire world revolved around Madelyn, Sebastian, and Raven.

I still loved football. Hell, it was my career, my passion, my driving force to do better andbebetter. It was still as engrained in my heart as ever.

It just had to share, now.

Every night, I went home to Madelyn. Every day, I spent every second I could with my kids. And every morning, I woke with my mind spinning with gratitude. I couldn’t believe this was my life, couldn’t understand how I’d been so lucky.