Page 151 of False Start

Sebastian was as much mine as he was Madelyn’s, even if not by blood. Even if, somehow, the adoption never went through. Even if we had to deal with that motherfucker ex-husband of Madelyn’s for the rest of our lives.

I never understood why people cared so much about their families. When I was in college, I grimaced at pro football players who had their wives and kids at every game. It was gross to me. And idiotic. All that pussy they could be getting, and they settled down with some everyday broad?

Now, I couldn’t imagine who that boy was who thought like that.

Because for the first time, I got it.

Family wasn’t what I had when I was a kid. It wasn’t a father who yelled and hit and demanded, and a mother who sat silent and complacent and scared. It wasn’t a home made of eggshells and lies. It wasn’t taking refuge in a sport because the more time you could stay away from the place you were supposed to call home — the happier you were.

Family wasthis.

It was a woman who filled every shattered piece of me, who fired up the need I’d never felt before to be a good man, a good caretaker, a good lover.

It was my son and my daughter, the home we would all build together, the one that was already filled with laughter and playfulness and joy.

It was knowing that no matter what came our way, we would hold hands — the four of us — and we would get through together.

And that did it.

My eyes watered so quickly, I couldn’t stop the first tear from falling, though I swiped at it as soon as it hit my jaw.

“I will be the best man I can be for you,” I whispered to my sleeping fiancée. “And for you and your brother, too,” I promised our daughter, gently rubbing the belly where she grew.

It was one of the last quiet, calm moments of my new adult life.

Because fifteen weeks later — our daughter was born.

April

Madelyn

“This is honestly the best anniversary gift ever,” Julep whispered with a sniff, her eyes watering as she smiled at the screen. Holden was beside her, a gentle smirk on his lips as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

I held my phone, which showcased Julep and Holden in one square, Clay, Giana, and Atlas in another, Riley and Zeke in one, and of course, Leo and Mary in the last one — Leo holding the phone while Mary tattooed something on his thigh in the background.

Whattheysaw was not my tired eyes or bird’s nest of hair — not that I cared if theydidsee it. But I had the camera turned away from me and pointed at where Kyle sat next to me on the couch, instead.

With Raven Isabel Robbins in his arms.

She was just over seven pounds, with a smattering of soft, fair hair on her cute little head, and eyes that were so bright blue I had a feeling they would stay that way.

Kyle held her in one arm like a football, his free hand adjusting the little headband on her because she kept wiggling it off. Right now, she was fast asleep — which tracked, since the precious little thing had kept us up most of the night.

I didn’t mind, though. I would happily be a zombie if it meant I could soak up this time of her being so small, so cuddly, so sweet and innocent. I was pretty much nothing more than a cow right now, existing only to feed her and make sure she was happy. There was nothing quite like newborn exhaustion. But at the same time, there was nothing like this particular brand of joy.

“Raven Isabel,” Riley said, shaking her head on a smile. “That is such a gorgeous name.”

“I fought it at first,” I admitted, sighing a bit at the victorious smirk on Kyle’s tired face. “But when she came out, when we held her for the first time… I can’t explain it. It was likeshewas telling us her name, and it was Raven. There was no refuting it.”

“I love being right,” Kyle said.

I dug my toes into his ribs until he yelped on a grin and swatted my ankle away.

“You’re going to wake her up!”

“Well, that wouldn’t be a bad thing. Maybe then she’d sleep tonight.”

Kyle rubbed my leg softly in understanding. He had been there every step of the way, waking up when I did, changing diapers and then handing Raven to me to feed. He’d also taken over so much with Sebastian — along with my parents, who thankfully flew in to help us in the first couple of weeks.