Page 15 of False Start

He didn’t get that from me.

“What history books are you even reading?” I asked, trying to rack my brain for what I was reading when I was his age. I followed up that question by holding up a banana and a mandarin.

Sebastian looked up long enough to point at the orange, and then his nose was in his book again. “Well, like we just read a book about Abraham Lincoln.”

“Ah,” I said, zipping up his lunch cooler. “Honest Abe.”

Sebastian’s deep brown eyes widened. “Youknewhim?”

I loved the laugh that barreled out of me. It was the laugh only my son could conjure, one of pure surprise and adoration. “No, baby. He was a little before my time.”

Sebastian seemed thoughtful as he digested my answer, and then he went right back to reading and spilling more of his cereal than he ate. “Well, I bet you would have been friends.”

“You think so, huh?”

He nodded, and then around a mouthful of cereal, he added, “You both love to help people.”

For a moment, I watched him, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest as I did. I loved him so much it physically hurt. I didn’t know that was possible before I was a mom. I thought I knew what love felt like, but I had no idea. Not really.

Not until I had him.

“Alright,” I said when he started slurping his milk from the bowl. “Go brush your teeth and I’ll come in to help you get dressed.”

“Can I wear my rock shirt today?!”

And by rock, he did not mean music. He meant geo.

“You wore that shirt twice last week,” I reminded him.

He blinked. “Is that a bad thing? You wear the same clothes a lot.”

He had me there.

“Not a bad thing at all,” I told him, rounding the island to kiss his hair. “Now go brush those stinky teeth.”

“I’m not stinky!” he protested as he hopped down from the bar stool.

“Hmm, let’s investigate.” I made a show of lifting his arm and taking a big whiff before I pretended to gag, and he giggled the deep-belly laugh that I wished I could bottle up and save forever.

Then, the angel that he was, Sebastian took his bowl to the sink, standing on his tiptoes to drop it inside before he grabbed his book and ran back toward his room.

I let out a happy sigh, running one hand through my hair as I watched him go. Then, I checked my watch, and my stomach sank.

I was meeting Kyle in an hour.

After our dinner, I’d almost been tempted to call the whole thing off. Being in close proximity with him after all these years was making my brain short wire. Add in the way he had looked at me when I told him I had a son, the way he looked almost like… like he was inawe.

It grated on my nerves even now.

Or maybe that was just a mask for the truth — which was that his reaction hurt like hell.

It was the reaction I wished I’d had from him when we were younger.

Instead, he’d just… left.

I’d been devastated at the time. It was the worst pain I’d ever felt — to have the boy I loved, the only boy I’d been with, walk away from me when I needed him most. I was content to do it all on my own, but I’d lost the baby a couple weeks later.

That had hurt worse than Kyle leaving.