Page 122 of False Start

“Madelyn, when I saw his handprints on you…” Kyle swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “I’ve never been so close to committing murder in my entire life. I didn’t even think twice about it. The only thing that stopped me was that speech you gave me, when you reminded me that you’re strong, and capable, and that you can handle him — can handleyourself.”

Pride beamed in my chest as much as despair. He was right — I had handled Marshall. While we were marriedandafter.

But I hated that I had to.

And I knew Kyle hated it, too.

“But what has kept me up at night lately is the thought that one day, he could hurt Sebastian.”

I started to shake my head, frowning, but Kyle spoke again before I could.

“I know you don’t think he ever would. He loves his son, I know that. He hasn’t shown any signs of physical aggression toward him. But hehasshown signs of aggression towardyouwhen Sebastian is around. He has raised his voice and thrown tantrums. He has toed the line. And as someone who grew up in a household just like that, let me tell you, Mads… therewillcome a day when that pencil-thin line becomes invisible. The first time he hurts Sebastian, he’ll apologize and say it was a mistake. The second time, he’ll say it’s Sebastian’s fault, that he did something or said something to make him do it. And the third time…” Kyle’s jaw ticced. “He’ll say Sebastian deserved it.”

My eyes welled with tears so fast the first one slid free and ran down my cheek.

Just thethoughtof that made me want to march down the street to our old house where Marshall still lived and slit his throat.

“I would never make you do anything you didn’t want to,” Kyle assured me. “But if you’ll agree to it… I think we should go for full custody. I think we should expose what he’s done to you in the past, and how he’s behaved recently, and show the court that he’s not safe for Sebastian to be around.”

“I don’t know that I can take him from his father like that,” I admitted on a wobbly voice.

“What if he was getting another father in his place?”

I blinked. “What… what do you mean?”

“I haven’t done all the research I need to,” Kyle started. “But there’s this process. Stepparent adoption. If we can get Marshall to relinquish his rights, or if the judge revokes them… I would adopt him. We would be his parents by law.”

“You would do that?”

“In a fucking heartbeat, Mads.”

I nearly started bawling. The image of it, of us as a family and Sebastian being able to call KyleDadthe way he told me he sometimes wanted to…

But what about Marshall?

He was a piece of shit, but he was still Sebastian’s real father. I knew Sebastian loved him.

Then again, lately, all he’d been showing me was that he was scared of his dad, that he didn’t want to be around him.

I was speechless for so long that Kyle started talking again.

“Maybe we work out that Marshall can still see Sebastian, but only in supervised situations. You and I need to be present with him, or something, I don’t know. We can talk to our lawyer about it. But Madelyn,” he said, folding his hands over mine. “I know this isn’t my decision. I would never ask you to do something you don’t want to. Sebastian isyourson and I support whatever you want to do. All I want you to know is that in the past couple of months, I have come to love that little boy like…”

His throat constricted, and when his eyes watered, too, I nearly broke into pieces.

I threw my arms around him and squeezed tight, loving the way his arms shielded me, how I felt so safe there.

“You love him like your own,” I finished, my voice tight with emotion.

Kyle nodded into my neck. “I do. And I love you. And I want both of you to be safe and happy and to never have to walk on eggshells again.”

“I’ll think about it,” I promised him when we released the hug. “And thank you… for trying to reason with him. I didn’t have much faith it would do anything, but I’m glad we tried.”

“Anything for you,” Kyle said easily.

And I knew he meant it.

For a while, we just held each other on that couch, Kyle kissing me and soothing me with a hand on my back. When I fell back into the cushions and scrubbed my face, preparing myself to get up and go get Sebastian from camp, Kyle reached for my feet and pulled them into his lap, rubbing the arches with just the right pressure to make me moan.