Page 51 of Falling for a Grumpy Hero

FORD

A fter work, I kept my promise to Dan and headed over to the meeting.

Lila let go of my hand as we walked in. Smiling, she glanced at me over her shoulder on her way to the other room.

“You’ve got this, Ford. Just be honest, okay?

You’d be surprised at how easy it’s going to be once you just get started. ”

I gave her a tight nod, feeling a tension headache coming on now that we were actually here. Earlier today at her apartment, I’d realized that while words didn’t come easily to me, they also weren’t impossible—and they definitely held power.

The look on Lila’s face when I’d told her how I felt, not even the depth or the extent to which I felt it but just that I felt something real for her, had been utterly breathtaking.

Underneath it all, however, there had been relief so intense that it’d sliced through me when I’d realized how much she’d doubted my feelings before.

Clearly, she’d known that I cared about her or she wouldn’t have been spending all this time with me, but I’d realized in her apartment how uncertain she’d been.

I’d seen how much it’d meant to her to have the conversation we’d had and I’d watched her light up in a way I’d never seen before as that relief had swept through her.

Shortly after we’d arrived at the office, I’d told her about my phone call to Dan, and immediately, she’d encouraged me to be here tonight.

But she’d also encouraged me to take advantage of the opportunity to share.

To become a real mentor for these younger guys by opening up and letting them know that it was okay if it wasn’t easy for them.

She’d also reminded me that everyone in the room with me would understand better than anyone outside of it ever could, and that as much as I could help the younger guys, some of the others might be able to help me. I hadn’t told her this, but I’d realized that I desperately needed their help.

More than ever before, I wanted to leave the dark behind once and for all. Especially after seeing Melissa and meeting her little Luke, however brief it might’ve been. I was done stagnating. Now I just had to figure out how to leave the past in the past.

When I walked into the room to join the others, most of them were already there. Joey was leading the group as always, but Dan was seated next to him tonight. He gave me a grateful smile as I went over to greet them.

“Thank you for being here, Ford. It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too, sir.” Surprisingly, I actually meant it this time. “So, where are the newbies?”

He inclined his chin toward two faces I’d never seen before, but didn’t introduce me. We’d do that once we got started.

Soon after, Joey called the meeting to order, and for a while, I did what I always had. I just listened. Toward the end though, when he asked if anyone else wanted to share, I nodded for the first time ever.

I felt sick to my stomach and my brain was seconds away from simply disintegrating under the stress, but I’d been building up to this for years. It’s time. You’ve already decided to do this, so just do it.

“Uh, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Ford Callahan,” I said, pushing through the walls that were rapidly fortifying themselves in my mind.

It took everything I had to get the first few words out, but just like with Lila, once I got started, it really did get easier—even though this time, I could feel the sweat forming on my brow from the effort.

“I served in Afghanistan, and ten years ago, I was in a helo that was shot down. I was the only survivor.”

I looked at the scratched vinyl floor under my feet, feeling like my breath was about to stall in my lungs, but I inhaled deeply and kept pushing.

Tonight was the night I was telling my story.

“We were on a recon mission and my entire unit was on that helo. The first shots came out of absolutely nowhere. There was a minute right when we started taking fire that my brain just couldn’t compute what the hell was happening, and by the time I’d caught up, all hell had broken loose. ”

The room had gone silent. My pulse was loud in my ears. I finally lifted my gaze, half-wondering if everyone had left while I’d been staring at the floor, but no. They were still there. The younger men were listening quietly, all of them fighting their own demons.

Taylor sat nearby, nodding along as if he was offering me silent encouragement. I met his gaze, accepting the quiet support. “The accident was fucking terrible. I remember the impact, but after that, the first thing I remember is waking up in some hospital in Germany.”

Someone grunted, but I didn’t look around to find out who. “It took three months of recovering there before I was transferred to a hospital on US soil, the only one of my brothers who didn’t come home wrapped in a flag.”

I released a shuddering breath, but I’d gained traction now. Strangely, every word was bringing me a deep sense of relief. Like I was breaking off boulders inside that I’d been carrying with me all these years and finally sharing their weight.

“I didn’t come home without scars, though. Physically, the pain was unbearable most days, but emotionally, it was so much worse. The trauma…” I scoffed down a humorless laugh. “The shadows get so dark you can’t remember what light is.”

People nodded around the room and Taylor flashed me a small smile. I glanced at Dan, who seemed ridiculously pleased that I was talking. When he motioned for me to continue, I did.

“Just learning how to walk again nearly killed me. The PT made me wish I’d died with them.” I’d never admitted that out loud. Once the words were out, I gave myself a minute to just breathe through the shame and the guilt of having felt that at all.

Weirdly, however, a lot of the guys in here were nodding again, most of their expressions saying that they understood what I was talking about. I drew from that understanding, finally gaining some of my own. So this is why people do this? Huh, it actually kind of works.

“After that though,” I said, my voice a little less hoarse, “once I was on my feet and life was supposed to be carrying on, it just didn’t get any better.

I threw myself into college, got a degree in engineering, eventually started my own firm, and I’ve been doing really well, but that trauma?

The structure and routine of engineering brought me some sense of normality during the day, but it couldn’t save me at night. ”

More chuckles rang out and I nodded, looking around and making eye contact.

Some of the guys had had things plenty rough themselves.

“I sought out things that made sense, you know? Things that couldn’t fail.

Things I wouldn’t lose. But doing that only got me stuck in the dark for a long, long time. ”

I smiled faintly as I thought of the first time I’d seen Lila, thinking she was crazy despite how instantly attracted I’d been to her. If only I’d known then how my life was about to change.

“I’m actually still stuck in the dark some days.

My most recent episode was only a few weeks ago, so I’m in no position to tell anyone that it will get better.

It’s taken me a fucking decade to find a reason to keep going, but I’ve also realized that having something to lose is just living .

I’d like to think I’m a better man for it. ”

No one said anything once I’d finished, but then several guys started clapping me on the back and others just gave me some more nods. I felt like a mountain range had been lifted from my shoulders. When Dan approached me after the meeting, I grinned at him.

“Thank you,” I said, meaning it more than I’d ever meant anything before. “That was good. I’m not sure I ever would’ve gotten here without your encouragement, so thank you for not giving up on me.”

He clasped my hand warmly when I offered it to him. Then he pulled me in for a hug. “We don’t give up on anyone, son. Not if we can help it.”

I thumped him on the back and let go, my attention caught by one of the new guys who was skulking out of the room, head down and hands shoved deep into his pockets. Dan glanced at him, sighing before he turned back to me.

“Would you consider becoming a mentor?” he asked. “Trevor, that guy you were just looking at, he’s in the process of getting a support dog and he could use some help. I told him you might be able to guide him through the process.”

Much to my own surprise, I nodded. “Sure. Rook’s great. I haven’t always appreciated him as much as I should, but he’s really helped me. If I can get someone else on the path to having an animal who does that for them, of course, I’ll help.”

Dan grinned and shook my hand again. “Excellent. I’ll let him know.”

We said our goodbyes and I went off to find Lila, but it seemed like their support group meeting wasn’t over yet. The door was open though, and I heard the sweet, lyrical sound of her voice drifting into the hallway.

“I still feel so guilty for putting my parents through my disease. I know it wasn’t my fault that I got it, but it changed things for me.

” She sighed. “Sometimes, I look at Ford and it’s like looking in a mirror, showing me parts of myself I bury so deep, but he chooses to live in it. We balance each other out that way.”

I smiled to myself. Yep, that’s the woman I’m going to marry right there, folks.

There was no rush, though. I leaned against the wall, suddenly knowing that this was the day I would always remember as the day I realized we would have our whole lives together.

Lila and I were two sides of the same coin, and just like Melissa had felt like she’d always been meant to find her husband after everything they’d both gone through, I believed we’d always been meant to find each other too.