Page 40 of Fade into You

“Oh well, fuck Kayla, she’s an absolute crotch beetle,” I blurt out before I can even think. Both girls look shocked and then burst into peals of laughter.

Paige is practically crying when she wipes her eyes and says, “Crotch beetle, I gotta remember that one. Anyway, we all used to be friends until Kayla met Dade, and—”

“Not Dade’s fault,” I kick back before she can finish her sentence.

“I like to think it’s more like bleach and vinegar—both nice, clean, and useful on their own, until they’re mixed, and then it’s toxic chlorine gas,” Brianne adds, bringing her fists up in front of her face and releasing them like an explosion.

“How very science-y of you, Bri,” Paige ribs, but instead of bristling for a counterattack, Bri smiles back at her.

“That’s Mrs. Wizard to you,” she responds, reveling in her own nerdiness. Comfortable with admitting to liking chemistry. Interesting.

“I know you’re Dade’s friend,” Brianne starts gently, “but since she’s been with him, Kayla’s been incredibly mean. She’s said things you just can’t take back…. I mean, we didn’t want to cut Bird off, but she’s still hanging out with her and…”

She looks sad. She looks lost. I don’t know what Kayla was like before she came into our lives, but I do know Dade. His way of communicating can be mean, and it’s weirdly contagious, too, when you’re around him for a while. I know it can make me mean too, but that’s just high school survival. But I would neverdream of just cutting him off; saying goodbye like that. Now, that’s next level. Still, they aren’t really knocking Dade or Bird.

The big takeaway: these girls haaaaaaate Kayla, and I can get down with that. I can use that.

“Yeah, I’m not a fan either. Never knew her before, but she’s kind of the bitch I want to scratch,” I say.

They laugh again, Paige announcing, “She’s funny! I never knew you were so funny, Jess!”

I don’t correct her.

“Anyway”—Paige gets back to business—“we were hoping you could keep an eye out for Bird. She’s a really decent person, and this stuff with Kayla, well, I don’t think it’s gonna end well for Bird. Or for any of them.”

Not if I have my chance… It’s gonna end in the fire of a thousand suns. I so much want to tell them our plan. I want to get them on board. But if I do, then that’s two more potential leaks. Two people who can effectively end my friendship with Dade by telling him what I’m up to with Bird. But maybe…

“I mean, I’m not sure how much longer Kayla and Dade will last. I heard she’s still very much into Emmanuel. That crush is apparently still going strong.” Plant the seeds. Just like Bird suggested, smooth and artful.

“Interesting,” Paige murmurs, a massive grin on her face. I can see her gears turning. “She was stupid for him from middle school into freshman year, of course she wants to nail him now that she’s all Fiona Apple skinny. Anorexic much?”

I shrug like I could care less. “I dunno, it’s just something I heard her talking to Bird about at lunch the other day.” The liesslip out like lyrics, and they fit the situation perfectly.

“Well, regardless, it has definitely been cool getting to know you better,” Brianne says, finishing her drink.

“Yeah, I had no idea you knew the hot record-store dude,” Paige adds. Cute, she’s crushing on Dwayne. She’s gonna need waaaaay better taste in music to get him, though. Plus, another five to ten years of adulting.

“Dwayne’s cool,” I say, smiling. “You should ask him for music suggestions next time you come in. He’s an expert at finding the right bands and artists for each person.”

Oh, but what does one offer a Celine Dion fan?

“Ooooh,” Bri says. “More tips, please. May I pick your brain?”

“Sure, I just…” That fear and anxiety picks up again. This is a trap. It has to be. No one wants to hear anything I have to say, no one wants my advice.

“What?”

“Um, well, why do you suddenly want to spend time with me?”

“?’Cause you’re cool,” Paige says, bubbly as it gets.

“And because after seeing you in your natural habitat—the record store—you aren’t anywhere near as scary,” Brianne adds. “I mean, at school you look ready to kill someone half the time.”

I guess I do keep a hard face at school. How the fuck else do you deal with the slurs, thrown food, snickers, and insinuations? How do you ignore the rumors?

“That’s my war face,” I respond. “Kinda necessary with certain people.”

“Well, they can screw right off,” Paige says, holding up her coffee cup to cheers. “I hereby say that you are a fun and killer biotch.”