Page 120 of Fade into You

I’m having a hard timetrying to figure out the road map under the parking-lot lights of a rest stop in New Jersey. Jessa stands beside me, unwrapping the package of crackers she got from the vending machine, trying to give me one. “No, thanks,” I tell her.

“So,” Jessa begins. “There’s probably a story behind Boston? Why we’re going there right now, tonight?”

“Yeah. There’s a story. It’s kind of huge.” I pause, trying to figure out where to even start. My dad’s words from the birthday card I never received echo in my head.My Birdie. My Birdie,he called me. “I got in this fight with Liv tonight. Actually, we’ve kind of been fighting a lot lately—and I’m not the only one, I hear. Although, our fights haven’t come to blows. Not yet, anyway.”

She looks down and inhales sharply. “Heard about that, huh?”

I nod.

“You’ve been fighting about me?” she asks.

“About the rumors. Apparently it’s been wreaking havoc on her social life.”

Jessa lets out an anxious puff of air, then says, “How are you doing with it all? Has anyone said or done anything too bad?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s okay. Is it weird that I don’t care? Not really confirming or denying anything. People have mostly just been staring; that’s the most uncomfortable part.”

“Yeah, I hate that,” Jessa agrees.

“Well, Liv has been on me constantly to just get a boyfriend, start dating someone, anyone. And I—”

“You could,” she interrupts. “I would understand.”

“Jessa,” I say firmly, “I am already in a relationship with someone.”

She blinks several times, like she might start crying again.

“I—I’m talking aboutyou!” I tell her, abandoning the line I’m trying to draw along Interstate 78 to wrap my arm around her. “Honey,” I add. “Babe.I’m talking about you.”

“Oh. Okay. I wasn’t sure if we…”

“We were on a break, and you know I side with Rachel over Ross on this. A break is not a breakup. Not to me. I mean, it’s not to you, is it?”

“No. It’s not to me, either.”

“Good. Okay, I’m glad we sorted that out.”

She waits a beat, then clears her throat and brings us back on topic. “So you fought with Liv tonight?”

“I did. And it ended with me pulling up the goddamn duct tape.”

“Finally!” she shouts, and I see her light up for the first timetonight. “Bird… I have to tell you, I’m really loving this side of you.”

“What side?” I ask shyly, because I know what she’s talking about. Maybe I do have a new side, one that’s not so buttoned-up and afraid to take chances.

“The side that kissed me at school and gave zero fucks about who saw. That was completely badass, by the way.Hawt.”

“Really?”

She nods and I look around quickly before I pull her closer to me, kiss her now like I kissed her then, except this time she just closes her eyes and lets me.

When we part, she says, “Yeah, really.”

I laugh and so does she.

“Well, my mom and Daniel are not quite as happy about this new side of me. I got into it with my mom—like full-blown intoallthe shit swept under the rug.”

“Whoa, I thought you pretty much get along with your mom.”