Page 58 of Everything After

Knowing Lily as I did, how she voiced what she had was more than normal apprehension—Lily was genuinely terrified about the responsibility of being a mom.

“Baby, you won’t be doing this alone,” I whispered to reassure her. “You’ve already done a great job of looking out for yourself,” I reminded her, “andwe’regoing to be responsible for our child,” I corrected, emphasizing the ‘we’. “No one on Earth is born a parent. But there are two of us. You’re not doing this alone. We’ll learn as we go, baby.”

“But what happens when we both need to go to work… and travel?”

“Same as what happens in any family. We take him with us and have great childcare, or one of us stays home for a while.”

“XrAid just signed that contract for three more albums. Like it or not, I don’t have the luxury of staying home right now. I’m obligated to work. And that’s another thing, it worries me… leaving my baby with someone we don’t know. I’ll worry all the time.”

I loved that she’d said my baby and had sounded possessive in how she had said it.

“XrAid will have plenty of time to cut the first album before our baby is born. And trust me, we’ll know anyone we hire to help with our child before any kid of ours is left with him or her.”

“Still…” Lily argued, almost in tears and needing further reassurance.

“Look, I’ll be right by your side the whole time you’re pregnant. And once you have the baby, I’ll take extra leave—paternity leave. You’re entitled to maternity leave as well. And if need be, I’ll tack on another extra year off from touring.”

“You’d do that?” she asked, her lip quivering in her attempt to fight the emotions within her.

“Baby, for you and our child, I’d do anything my family needs from me. Just think how often we’ll get to see each other. Even if you’re working, that won’t be all the time. We’ll base ourselves in Miami for the next couple of years at least. It’ll all work out.”

“I’ve always worried that I might not be maternal,” she confessed.

I stared at her for a beat, knowing how loving she was, and instinctively knew that once our baby was in her arms, she’d struggle to let him go. But as Lily had found the guts to express her fears, I was the last person who would diminish her thoughts and feelings, no matter how irrational I thought they might be.

I nodded to let her know I’d heard what she’d said. “No one can tell how they’ll feel until they’re faced with a life-changing situation. To most fathers the birth of a baby is a miracle. But I can’t imagine the anxieties a lot of women face while they’re pregnant.”

“You don’t think I’m stupid and getting all inside my head?”

“No, I don’t. Some women think on deeper levels than others. Some look at all the positive aspects of motherhood, but I can see how the enormity of responsibility might be for someone likeyou who has to be on her game in front of sixty thousand people, and still meet the responsibilities of nurturing a child. You’ll worry about how you’ll fit everything in.”

“Right,” she muttered, like I’d punched a hole in the fears that she carried and sounded relieved that I got it.

“Look, what if we hire a live-in nanny now? She can live with us before the baby arrives. She can be like a pregnancy companion. We’ll find her flaws and she’ll have a good idea of how heavy your commitments are.”

“A nanny before the baby’s here?” she asked, wrinkling her nose up at me.

“Yeah, you can take her shopping and shit, and maybe if you talk to someone who’s an expert in childcare, it’ll give you more confidence during the whole experience.”

“How do you come up with this stuff? It’s like you know exactly what to say to squash my negative feelings when I thought you might think I was crazy.”

“I’d say I’m partly to blame for how you’re feeling right now, since I wasn’t there to support you when you found out about being pregnant. I can only apolo?—”

“Don’t! One more sorry and I’ll break down again.”

“Okay, but if you go with my suggestion about the nanny, I’ll help supervise the care of our baby as much as you need once he arrives, to make sure anyone who tends to him follows our instructions to the letter.”

“He?” she mumbled, looking puzzled.

“Oh, it’s a boy. I’m not dealing with baby girls. That’s way beyond my pay grade,” I stated sternly. My heart squeezed when I saw the first unfiltered smile spread across Lily’s face. “See, that’s my girl. We’re going to be amazing parents. Mark my words,” I encouraged softly, close to her ear.

“We should get back, it’s getting dark, and they’ll lock the gates soon,” Lily mumbled, stepping out of my embrace andchecking the time on her wristwatch. “There’s only about ten minutes until dusk, then the park gates will get locked.”

“I could think of worse things than being padlocked in a park, in the dark with my sexy wife,” I remarked playfully.

“You won’t say that when you’re locked in our bedroom with me hurling into the toilet bowl in the middle of the night,” she countered dryly, as I took her hand and carefully led her down the pagoda steps.

Once she’d reached the bottom step, I picked her up bride-style, spun around with her in my arms then dropped her to her feet again. “Baby, shake me if I’m sleeping through that, and I’ll be right there, holding your hair, since I can’t be sick for you,” I promised.