Page 57 of Everything After

“Thanks,” I mumbled, fighting the small buzz of butterflies swarming inside me because he’d laid his hands on me.

We stared at the statue in silence while I contemplated the future. Was Alfie reconciling with me because of the baby?

“Can I ask… about the baby?” I’d never heard him sound so hesitant about asking a question before.

I turned to meet his gaze and wondered for a few seconds if he had heard my thoughts. He took my pause before answering as a lack of decision on my part.

“Before you say anything, can I just say, it’s your body.”

“And you’d be okay with me terminating the pregnancy?”

Alfie slowly closed his eyes and pressed his lips tight for a few seconds. Opening them he looked me square in the eyes.

“You know how I feel about children. I wish I could say I’ll support you no matter what, but those would be empty words,” he admitted. “I’d still love you, nothing could change that, and of course I’d still want to be with you. But at the same time, Ithink I’d grieve the loss of something so magnificent to me, that it might eventually come between us.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, reaching for his hand and nodding.

“What are you thanking me for?” he asked as his fearful eyes searched my face.

“For your honesty. I’m keeping it. I had already made up my mind. I just had to be sure that it was me you wanted, and you weren’t just here for the sake of the baby.”

CHAPTER 35

ALFIE

Adrenaline flowed through my body with Lily’s accepting words, and I took her in my arms. Dipping my head, I breathed in her gorgeous familiar fragrance. My heart crushed then swelled from being able to hold her indefinitely once again. I lifted my head and smiled. “Thank you for forgiving me. Lily, believe me, you are my everything. I promise, you won’t regret this,” I whispered, feeling relieved and a tad overwhelmed by the strength of the connection I felt with her pressed against my chest.

“I guess we have a lot more to talk about,” she mumbled while I held her tightly against me.

“Whatever you need, I’m on it,” I promised.

Smiling, I spun her around so that I was leaning against the wall, positioned her between my legs, and cradled her head to my chest again. Contentment filled my heart the moment I felt her silky hair beneath my fingertips and her warm scalp against my palm.

“Parenthood is going to be our next great adventure. You’re not to worry. I’ll extend the band’s hiatus. It’s not like any of us needs the money. Hell, I’m sure Andy and Des would love to collaborate in some fun projects or find other opportunities without the commitment of the band. And as we know, Drew would be the last to complain. He’s desperate for some quality family time.”

Lily lifted her head, and her concerned eyes searched mine. “Now that you know and we’re really doing this, maybe I should tell the guys in my band,” she muttered, sounding worried.

“Take your time,” I countered. “We should tell your mom and dad and my sister, Layla first. After that, I’d like a little time to enjoy the news as well, before we share it with the bands.”

“Drew already knows,” she reminded me.

“Yeah, I’m still kinda mad about that. But in the scheme of things, I can let that slide since his big mouth is what’s brought us to our senses. Although I believe after my reaction, I doubt he’ll be telling anyone else.”

“You need to know I’m still coming to terms with being pregnant. I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy when I found out.”

“I can only imagine… and now?” I asked in a cautious tone.

“I’m slowly coming around. I know, I sound selfish… and guilty, since so many woman have fertility issues. What if I’m not a good mother?” she asked, her face awash with anguish.

“Lily!” I chided and leveled her with an admonishing stare. “Believe me, you’ll be a great mom. I can imagine that any unplanned pregnancy takes a little time to accept. And I know why you wanted to wait. But here we are—and I get you. You’ve always believed you can only master one thing at a time. That’s why you go above and beyond on any project you commit to. What I’m hearing is that you don’t know how to manage two things with equal importance.”

“What if I’m not good at parenting? I mean, I’m an only child. I don’t have any experience with babies.”

“You dote on Elle and Drew’s kids, Jack and Mya’s too, right?” I asked as I rubbed her back through her thick winter coat.

“Yeah, but I can give them back,” she countered, chuckled, then frowned. Panic widened her eyes while she searched my face again. “I mean, how can I be responsible for a tiny human twenty-four-seven, I can barely look after myself.”

I don’t know if it was the awkward way she held herself, or the peculiar, frightened expression on her face, but it suddenly dawned on me exactly what Lily’s issue was. There was something deeper going on with her, and if what I’d suspected was right, then the timing of making babies had nothing to do with my wife’s reluctance to have a child.