Page 35 of Everything After

“Then do what you need to do. I’ve got your back.”

CHAPTER 20

LILY

Elle: Drew just spoke to Alfie.

My heart lurched and my stomach immediately began to churn as I reread Elle’s text. I grabbed my phone and called her, subconsciously covering my lower belly with a hand.

“Hey, Lily,” she said.

“Thank God, is he okay?” I blurted as a wave of relief cooled the blood in my veins.

“Apparently he took a hiking trip with Oscar.”

“Fuck,” I whispered. “I’m up to my eyeballs with stress and worry and he went on a trip?” The nausea had continued to come in waves for the past couple of weeks.

“Did you tell Drew I was pregnant.”

“I did. I couldn’t keep it to myself.”

“He didn’t say anything to Alfie, did he?” I knew he hadn’t the moment I’d asked the question. If he had, Alfie would have been here tearing the house down already.

“God, no. That’s your business,” Elle remarked.

I huffed out a breath, relieved again. “I’m sorry I got so bent out of shape with you the last time you were here. I think I’d gone into shock.”

“It’s fine. I get it. Just put it right,” she suggested.

“How do I do that? Two weeks without any contact suggests to me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.

“That doesn’t sound like Alfie, you’re precious to him.”

“Wasprecious,” I corrected. A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed it down. “Look, I’m going to try to track him down and see if he’ll come and talk.”

“Alright, I’ll let you go. Good luck.”

“Thanks, something tells me, I’m going to need it,” I grumbled.

When I placed a call to Alfie, this time his cell phone went straight to voicemail.

“Hi, Alfie. Can we talk? I’ve been trying to call you, but your voicemail was full, and the text messages wouldn’t go through.”

My conversation with Elle and trying to contact Alfie took the last of my energy and I had suddenly felt drained. I had spent most of the morning in the doctor’s office and my anxiety fromthat along with a lack of sleep since Alfie had gone, had worn me out.

No one apart from Elle and Drew knew I was pregnant, and the last thing I wanted was for Alfie to find out through them. I’d have been horrified if that happened, and I didn’t want Alfie to come back through guilt just because I was pregnant.

Taking off my coat, I flopped on my bed, my head still spinning at how my circumstances compared to how anxious I’d been to come home to Alfie and how the universe had floored me.

If only Alfie had visited a few days later, I probably wouldn’t have conceived. Although I had no clue when the fertile phase of my cycle should have been, nor could I have foreseen that my intrauterine device would fail me.

My thoughts turned to the visit with my obstetrician and all the information he’d given to me. Once he’d learned that I wasn’t excited, he’d advised me that there was time to decide what I’d wanted to do.

Rolling onto my back, I sighed at that thought because it must be a difficult job telling one woman that she could end a pregnancy, while comforting another when a pregnancy hadn’t gone to plan. Although before I had gone to visit the doctor, I was certain in my mind that even though the baby hadn’t been planned, I’d never have done anything to harm it.

Pulling my purse up beside me, I took out the leaflets I’d been given to read about tests that they did to ensure the baby was healthy. I became consumed by guilt each time I figured I should have been excited by this life-changing event, but I wasn’t.

Tears blurred the text before another wave of tears drowned out the leaflet completely.What’s wrong with me?