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Sometimes she caught Nicola looking. When she thought Geeta didn’t notice. When blue eyes softened, taking in everything and Nicola fell quiet as if she couldn’t tear her gaze away. Geeta knew Nicola looked at her like that right now.
As she smoothed down her deep red kameez and draped the embroidered dupatta over her arm, she felt Nicola’s appreciative attention travel, and Geeta glowed all over. Nicola's face would change if Geeta turned round.
She peeped over her shoulder. Instantly, the eyes sparkled, the chin lifted and that glow heightened.
Geeta breathed in. “You’d better keep that look in check today.”
Nicola licked her lips and wandered closer, arms slipping around Geeta’s waist. She turned in her embrace and rested her hands on Nicola’s chest.
“You...” she sighed.
The simple cut of the long, gold dress accentuated Nicola's height and figure, and Geeta's eyes dropped to her chest. She let her fingers stroke around Nicola’s breast.
“How am I meant to concentrate with you like this?” Geeta whispered.
And she closed her eyes as Nicola leant down to kiss her.
“Hmmm,” she moaned, becoming hazy and warm. She slid her arms around Nicola’s shoulders and arched her body into hers.
A sharp knock rattled the bedroom door.
“Are you coming?” came from the other side.
“Mmmyes!” Geeta cried out. “On our way.”
Shit. She could see Olivia rolling her eyes, without even opening the door, and footsteps padded away.
Geeta bit her lip, and she smiled at Nicola. “Are you ready?”
“Absolutely,” Nicola replied.
The sun blazed in a blue, early summer sky as they stepped outside the front door, and she smiled with the warmth on her face. This was going to be a lovely day. She could feel it.
“Ahem.” Olivia tapped her watch.
“We’re ready, sweetheart.”
Olivia looked beautiful. She’d chosen a dark red dress, loose and comfortable over her rounded tummy. And Charlotte stood beside her, dressed in a darker shade of Nicola’s gold.
“Everyone’s arrived,” Olivia said, with one of those gentle smiles, before she reached out a hand, and Geeta suppressed a laugh at her daughter hurrying her along.
With Olivia's hand in her left, Nicola’s in her right, and Charlotte next to her, they walked up the quiet lane together. They passed stone cottages, towards a hotel on the edge of Iffley Village where it joined Oxford.
Bryony stood at the entrance to the driveway to welcome guests, as tall and organised as Nicola and managing the day with efficiency.
“Thank you, darling,” Nicola said.
Nicola paused to give her eldest daughter a kiss on the cheek, and Bryony joined them to walk to the venue.
The path opened onto a luscious green lawn, surrounded by trees under bright sunshine. At the end, steps and a balustrade covered in flowers, from red roses to bright orange marigolds, led to a white Victorian manor house.
The registrar waited by the steps for them, with rows of seats on the lawn in front, filled with so many people she loved, all looking back at them with huge smiles.
Her handsome, mischievous boy, who still said, “What the fuck, Mum?” stood by the registrar, dashing in his midnight blue kurta.
Satinder sat in the front row, chatting with aunties and family, who wore their finest.
Jerry from university, dropped his jaw wide open, gave her a once up and down and made her laugh.
Bea and Ralph with Kate, grinning as ecstatic as in the photo that had helped Jerry find Geeta again. Liz and Alec and families from work. Nicola’s steady friend Philip and his husband. Nicola’s mother, Zofia, who was as tall as Nicola and the girls. Bryony’s husband and the twins. And more and more filled the seats.
“Here come the brides!” someone shouted.
And Millie, with golden curls, held Angeline in the air, and the baby wriggled and waved her little arms.
“Oh, my goodness.” Geeta put hand over heart.
What a day.
***
“Look, Jelly Bean, there’s Mummy Charlotte.”
Millie pointed to the group of four walking up the aisle.
“Isn't she beautiful.”
Angeline turned her little head round, eyes wide and big smile dribbly. Wisps of fluffy blonde hair waved in the breeze.
“Yes, she is,” Millie cooed, nuzzling her nose against Angeline’s.
She snuggled her baby close, and a small hand grabbed a handful of her hair.
Disbelief. How was she here, with this tiny tot clinging to her? There was no question about Bean’s love and attachment, and none about Millie’s. Her heart had flipped over at first sight, even through a blur of tears.
Millie closed her eyes a moment to take in the hand that tugged her hair. The distinctive smell, a mix of Angeline, washing detergent, and remnants of apple puree on her face. The squidgy warmth of baby sitting on her knee, so vivid and real, and soft fingers now tugging at her ear.
Amazing. She got to be a mum.
So often taken for granted, or pressured and expected. Sometimes feared. Other times an unobtainable privilege. But for her, right here, right now, with the love of her life, Charlotte, this was a gift.
She blinked open her eyes, succumbing too much.
“How did I get so bloody lucky, Jelly Bean?”
Angeline gave her a gummy smile.
“You are so stupidly cute,” she said, giving her a wiggle. “But we’re not going to tell Mummy Charlotte about that swear word, are we? No, we’re not. Because she doesn’t want your first word to be bloody, bollocks or bugger.”
She bounced Angeline in time to the B words.
“Come here. Let’s watch.”
Charlotte spun around at the front next to Nicola as they took their places. Olivia stood beside her. And Olivia’s brother, Adam, and Charlotte’s sister, Bryony, chose the other side for balance.
“I’m pretty sure Charlotte and Olivia are meant to be either side of their mums.”
Maybe Olivia worried that Charlotte would wander off. Which, even though this was Olivia, Millie conceded was fair enough.
“See that, Jelly Bean.” Millie nuzzled next to her baby’s pudgy cheek, “That is Mummy Charlotte struggling to come to terms with your grandmother being a great big lesbian.”
Millie sniggered.
At the front, Charlotte twirled from side to side, her long waves shining chestnut in the bright sunshine, her cheeks pink and smile wide. Then her eyebrows fluttered with multiple thoughts clearly crossing her mind.
“Who knew your grandmother needed some lady loving?” Millie said, still in a light sing-song to entertain Angeline. “Because it wasn’t Charlotte.”
Millie pointed. “See how she alternates between horror, worry and happiness. You can tell everything from her lovely face, can’t you.”
She saw all Charlotte’s thoughts and emotions playing in her expression. She'd always been transparent to Millie. From the goofy smile when they first met, that said here was someone Millie could trust, when so many at Oxford looked down on her. To the quiet glances of love when they met again years later, that made Millie glow. To the paralysing worry when she wanted a baby, knowing it was complicated for Millie. To terror giving birth. Then the look of blinding awe when she first saw Angeline.
“And that’s why I love her,” Millie murmured, heart full to bursting.
She had to breathe out, so it didn’t overwhelm. Because how the hell did she get so lucky?
“Yes, that’s why I love her,” she cooed.
She blew a gentle raspberry on the soft folds of Jelly Bean’s neck, to a giggle and ecstatic arm wave.
***
A giggle. Charlotte would recognise it among a thousand. She flooded with happiness every time she heard it, like someone poured joy into her head and kept filling until it overflowed.
Angeline and Millie. Where were they? Her cheeks ached with smiling as she peered over the rows of guests and found Millie’s shining curls and Jelly Bean with fists in the air.
Charlotte sniffed with teary love. She couldn’t help it. They had her whole heart. It was as if she drew closer to them, just by looking at them.
A tug at her arm.
Oh, she was mid-wander and actually getting closer to them. She spun round to Olivia, whose eyebrow raised.
Yup. At a wedding. Need to stand here.
Oh my god, her mother’s wedding.
She was never going to get used to this.
Olivia’s hand stayed wrapped around her arm, and she gave her best friend a huge grin. She probably looked goofy, but she didn’t care. She pulled close to Olivia, and slowly, slowly, no sudden movements, put her head on her shoulder. Olivia didn't twitch, and she was glad, because there were so many good things in her life now.
“I offer you this ring as a symbol of my love...”
And some very confusing ones too.
Charlotte stood upright again, as Nicola slipped a golden ring onto Geeta’s finger.
It was so strange hearing her mother say those words, as if sincerely offering, not clicking her fingers in demand. Then Geeta gazing up at Nicola as if she adored her. That was easier to understand somehow, Geeta always with an expression of kindness and celebration for others.
Charlotte picked up on Geeta’s state easily, from when her happiness had been paper thin, to now, in her element, with smiles and generosity all round.
But her mother? Nicola softening like that? It kind of made her panic inside because who the heck was that?
But it kept happening. Nicola gazing enthralled at generous Geeta. Right there in front of them all, on this beautiful sunny day in Iffley Village, on a lush green lawn surrounded by friends and family. Her mother, marrying a woman. And swapping rings. And holding each other tight and kissing with brilliant smiles. And turning to a cheer from the crowd. And, oh my goodness...
“Congratulations!” Charlotte cried out, hand flinging from Olivia's grip and hugging Nicola and Geeta together.
“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.” She backed off. “Just so happy for you.”
Charlotte stepped away, only to be surprised by her mother pulling her back. And Nicola gave her the biggest hug she’d received her entire life and wouldn't let go.
“Thank you,” whispered in her ear.
Then she was released and Geeta held her instead. And, was she mistaken, or did her mother have a tear in her eye?
This...this day...
This day might break her heart and build it stronger several times over.
***
Maybe Nicola did see the point of waterproof makeup.
“Is my mascara running?” she whispered to Geeta.
Her wife. She whispered to her wife .
Well, that wasn’t going to help with the smudging.
Geeta looked up at her, more beautiful than ever. The deep red of her suit made her brown eyes burn, brought out the tiny copper highlights of her hair against the rich black and shining grey, and her face glowed. Surely the most beautiful woman of all time.
For a moment, she wondered if Geeta would make fun of her, challenge sparkling in her eye, but her expression softened.
“Come here,” Geeta said indulgently.
She reached up and wiped beneath her eye.
“There,” Geeta murmured. “Perfect again.” She smiled. “Until next time you cry.”
They both gazed at each other in a quiet moment that felt deeply personal, even though they were watched by more than a hundred. Nicola reluctantly pursed her lips and released her.
She needed to grab Charlotte before she wandered too far.
“Darling,” she called after her daughter. “Can we have you and Millie and Jelly Bean first?”
They had a lengthy list of photos they wanted captured.
“While Bean’s awake and not feeding, then you’re free to wander?”
The beaming smile she received from Charlotte, with shining tears in her eyes, wasn’t going to help with makeup either.
They gathered on the steps of the Victorian house, between two urns bursting with roses. Millie and Charlotte sat in front, and Geeta and Nicola stood behind.
“You, wait a second!” came a familiar, insistent voice that carried with the same power as her own.
“Mother.” Nicola sighed.
“I want to be in that picture.”
“And me!”
Satinder rolled up behind.
“We have more planned!” Nicola projected. “We’re not leaving you out.”
Like she’d ever get away with that with her mother.
“Then there’s no harm us joining this one!”
And Zofia and Satinder took the chairs from Millie and Charlotte, who stood behind, Nicola and Geeta climbing up a step above. Nicola looked to Geeta for support, but her new wife raised her hands, to say she was staying right out of this one.
Zofia craned her head round.
“Where’s my little Angel. Hand her to Baba.” She reached back for Jelly Bean from Charlotte. “Aww look at her face,” Zofia cooed, as she took the bouncing baby. “She looks exactly like my little Nicoletta at that age.”
Dread wiped the smile off Charlotte’s face.
Nicola breathed in. “There’s no need to be quite so horrified, darling.”
Charlotte swung round, wide-eyed. “I...I...” The horror morphed into panic, and her mouth hung open.
Nicola reached down and tapped her daughter’s chin shut. “But wouldn’t that be an ironic twist from the universe, if she did take after me.”
Utter despair on Charlotte’s face.
“Well...” Charlotte spluttered, “she is who she is...and I will love and support her whoever she takes after.”
“I don’t doubt it for a second,” Nicola said, and she reached forward and squeezed her daughter’s shoulder with belief.
That beaming smile, that sunshine smile, the one that wasn’t turned towards her often, came out blazing.
“And most of all, she’ll be herself,” Nicola added to an enthusiastic nod from Charlotte.
The running order for photographs went completely out of the window at Zofia and Satinder’s intervention. They took several more arrangements with them first, until they both said they’d had enough, and Geeta’s hands flew into the air again.
Zofia took Satinder's arm as they ambled away.
“What a happy day!” the taller Zofia said, so that all one hundred and fifty guests heard.
“I’m so glad they found each other,” Satinder replied, also loud. “I was so worried for Geeta alone in the house. She’s not good by herself. Always needed people.”
“My Nicoletta was the same! Always striding off to find someone to boss around.”
Nicola suppressed a rare urge to roll her eyes, and smiled at Geeta next to her, who didn’t restrain at all.
“You never stop worrying, do you,” Zofia said with an earnest nod. “There’s always a worry with children.”
“Never stops,” Satinder agreed.
“Oh my god,” Geeta muttered to Nicola, “I’m fifty-seven. I think I can look after myself at this point.”
There was something naggingly familiar about the way she said it – a daughter frustrated at an attentive mother. They must have both heard it, and a guilt-inducing presence tugged at her back.
They peered over their shoulders to find Olivia and Charlotte behind them, not-subtle accusation on both their faces.
Olivia tilted her head and raised an eyebrow.
Geeta nodded and put up her hand. “Fair.”
And Nicola laughed.
***
Tut. At least her mother was aware of the irony. Olivia relented with her eyebrow.
“Good to have them acknowledge it,” she said.
Charlotte wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think they’ll change though. My mother always has an opinion. And I know she’s biting her tongue about everything I do with Jelly Bean.”
She was probably right.
“Honestly, I don’t understand what the big fuss is about,” Charlotte said. “Having a baby seems the easiest thing in the world... Well, you know...As far as exhausting, sleep-deprived things go. But you have a baby who adores you. I think I could face anything while flying on that high...”
Charlotte’s cheeks glowed as she gazed at Millie on the lawn, rolling around with Angeline. She clearly drifted.
Olivia touched her arm to bring her to.
“...And erm...I’m having the time of my life.” Back again.
“Is it frustrating having your plans thwarted by Angeline needing to feed constantly?” Olivia asked. "And.” Shudder. “The consequences later.”
“Hmm?” Charlotte swung round with big eyes. “What plans?”
Well, that accounted for the easy tolerance.
“Oh, I see what you mean.” Charlotte laughed. “No, I just go with the flow. I find it relaxing. We do whatever we need to. There’s a poo. We change her nappy. She’s hungry. We stop and eat. She’s tired. We sleep. And in between, we walk to the Botanic Gardens and look at the flowers and the fish in the pond...” She drifted in a cloud of happiness. “I love it,” Charlotte whispered. “Easiest thing in the world.”
Charlotte seemed in her element, relaxed and with more smiles than ever. And perhaps, Olivia conceded, Charlotte had an advantage here, happy to focus on the next thing that came along.
The state of their cottage though. Good lord. Chaos. Tiny clothes and toys everywhere.
But then, Charlotte and Millie didn’t seem to mind. And Olivia recognised that her standards weren’t the same as others’. And she didn’t have to live there. So maybe it didn’t matter.
“How did you find your week back at work?” Olivia asked.
“Really good,” Charlotte said, nodding quickly, a clarity coming into her eyes as if she switched on her lawyer mode. “I am super-focused with clients, because I can’t wait to get back to Bean and don’t want meetings to overrun. At the same time, I love getting to use my technical brain again, especially now I know how to keep it interested.”
So, Charlotte made it work. That gave her hope, because panic threatened in her stomach right now.
“Is Angeline sleeping through the night?”
“Oh, my god no.” Charlotte laughed. “We keep her in bed with us. I’ve given up on settling her in a cot. She cries when she wakes up by herself. I think I would too. So, she’s in with us, and we all get some sleep that way.”
Well, that was a lot, Olivia thought, not for the first time, as Charlotte wandered off.
But she put her faith in Kate, who promised it was less horrifying when it was your own.
She rested her hand on her tummy, the gentle nudges beneath her fingers calming her. The regularity of it soothed – a kind of routine, and a quiet company for whom she had an extraordinary feeling. She focused there, like meditation, and life became pleasing again.
“You OK?” came a whisper.
And all the tiny hairs on the back of her neck tickled alert as Kate breathed there.
“Mmmm,” she said with a smile.
She put out a hand and drew Kate closer.
***
Olivia sighing and welcoming her in and pulling her near? That got her every time. Kate nuzzled into her soft neck, snuggled breasts to back, slipped a hand around Olivia’s large belly and another beneath her chest.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“Hi.” Olivia turned her head, her cheek stroking deliciously against Kate’s. “Are Bea and Ralph all right?”
“Yes, you can relax,” she murmured. “Your brother’s looking after Bea.”
She knew it was a leap of faith for Olivia, trusting her younger brother, but those were necessary with a growing family. Kate had learned that people Olivia considered inept were actually capable, and she was used to translating Olivia-standards to lesser mortals.
She nuzzled against Olivia's cheek and kissed there, the sensation intimate and eliciting so much comfort. Kate loved living openly like this, with a woman she adored, and she kissed Olivia's warm cheek again, deliriously happy, to another appreciative moan.
“Avert your eyes, Jelly Bean,” cut through the air, and mischief with blonde curls and carrying a baby passed in front of them.
“There’s a pregnant woman getting personal with her gorgeous girlfriend.” Millie shook her head. “That’s not a sight for the under 12 months.”
Olivia stiffened beneath her arms.
“We were being perfectly well behaved,” she snapped.
Millie grinned. “Save it, Olivia. I know exactly what Charlotte was like at this stage.”
“Not everyone’s the same,” Olivia muttered. “We’re very different people.”
Olivia was right. You couldn’t get more different than these two here.
“You do realise though,” Millie sidled up, “if me and Charlotte ever saved up enough money to get hitched...”
There was a swish of black hair with the sharp turn of head, and Olivia glared at Millie. Kate had a side view of that furious look.
“...That now Geeta and Nicola are married...”
Olivia closed her eyes.
“...we could be sisters in law.”
The inhalation through Olivia’s nose rasped audibly.
“Yes, Millie,” Olivia said, in her most clipped voice. “The situation had occurred to me.”
Millie beamed. “Hey, sis.”
Olivia pinched her lips together, which only made Millie grin wider as she wandered off with a winning look over her shoulder.
Kate shouldn’t find it amusing. She really shouldn’t. And she pulled Olivia tighter.
“I know you’re laughing,” Olivia said with quiet disapproval. “You’re tummy’s jiggling into my back.”
“Sorry.”
Olivia turned around in her arms, mouth pinched, as it so often was near Millie.
“She does have a point though,” Kate said gently.
“What?” Olivia snapped.
“That you are blooming and glowing and very sexy. And perhaps...” she smiled gently, “more desirous?”
She kept it polite for Olivia, though made sure her smile communicated her own desires. Buttoned-up Olivia needed sensuous care to unbutton, and there was nothing Kate loved more than taking that care.
A shy look from Olivia, those black velvety eyebrows lifting in despair, and Kate melted inside.
“These hormones...” Olivia whispered, pulling closer. “I just want to all the time.”
“Perfectly normal,” Kate murmured, even more besotted. “With all those hormones, and extra blood flow, and multiple orgasms.”
“It’s not very dignified.”
“What isn’t?”
“Well, wanting it so much.”
Olivia stared at her with big, beautiful eyes. And looking as gorgeous as that really didn't help Kate.
“So, what if I said I’d booked a room here,” Kate feigned nonchalance, “for you to put your feet up and rest? But also a private place we could...?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
Olivia froze. And shot her a stern glare.
Then Olivia spun on her heel, quicker than any seven-month pregnant woman should be capable of, and tugged her across the lawn.
***
“Where are Olivia and Kate?” Geeta kept saying.
They’d almost completed the list of photos, while guests ate canapes and drank fizz before the big dinner later on. But she and Nicola wanted one more photo to include the whole group.
Then Geeta spotted Kate emerging from the extra wing of the hotel. Oh. She had pink on her cheeks, a soppy look on her face and held hands with Olivia.
She coughed and stopped drawing attention to them while they approached.
And finally, after much shouting from Zofia, and management by Bryony, the whole crowd assembled.
Geeta walked to the front and reached out for her wife. She couldn't take her eyes off Nicola, who gazed at her the same way, as if on honeymoon already and running off naked through meadows together.
The back row of guests threw petals. Cheers cried out. And the sun promised to shine all day and stars come out at night.
These really were the best days.
And though the rest of the night was spectacular and filled with love and dance and laughter, that group photo was her favourite, and they chose to print it largest.
Two weeks later, Geeta waited in the hallway with her small rucksack on her back and modest wheeled suitcase at her feet, compact enough to tuck into spaces on a train. She straightened the framed group photo taken at the wedding.
She looked at it every time she passed it. Kids and Kate with her arm round Olivia and hand cradling her tummy. Millie, Jelly Bean and Charlotte with the biggest smiles. Satinder and Zofia still with laughter in their expressions, from sharing mortifying photos on their phones of Nicola and Geeta when they were young. Friends merging as family in a shining group behind, with Nicola and Geeta at the front, chin up, face forwards, holding hands, ready for the next part of their lives together.
The rest of the hallway wall remained empty for now, but she looked forward to filling it with so much more to come.
“Ready?” Nicola said.
She came up behind, small rucksack on her back too, dressed in cream shirt and wide-leg trousers. Apparently, she didn’t want to wear jeans and was determined to rough it in style.
“Are you sure about this?” Geeta smiled. “Interrailing for our honeymoon?”
“Absolutely, darling.” Nicola beamed. “Although I’ll insist on a minimum standard for hotels where we stay.”
They had loose plans for a trip from Paris to Madrid, through Spain and back northwards to Scandinavia.
“Something to discuss when we get there,” Geeta said.
“Something you’ll wrap me around your little finger about,” Nicola said, eyes sparkling with challenge and indulgence too.
“Are you ready?” Geeta murmured.
A smile crept on her face, always now, as they stepped outside for the waiting taxi to the train station.
“Yes, I am.” Nicola leant down and kissed her. “Let’s go on an adventure.”
And they closed the door.
THE END
Table of Contents
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- Page 48 (Reading here)