Page 14

What if?

The question nagged at Nicola as she strode up St Giles towards Beaumont Street.

What if she’d met someone like Geeta earlier? Would she have questioned more? After she heard it was possible to be attracted to more than one gender. And, much later, that people thought it normal and appreciated attraction differed between people.

Would she have stepped outside the boundaries and social rules?

Philip never changed, staying with his husband longer than most straight marriages. And Charlotte never wavered, coming out despite Nicola insisting she should graduate to men. Her daughter seemed happier with Millie than Nicola had with any man, and all Nicola’s insistence on ‘real’ had done was drive a wedge between them.

Her goofy daughter had never played the social game, couldn't, even if someone gave her the rule book explicitly, and Nicola had tried often enough. It terrified her over the years, Charlotte blundering through life, seemingly oblivious to social mores, beyond just her queerness. For someone who upheld fairness and law, Charlotte showed a stunning lack of awareness of social convention at times.

But maybe this was one rule Nicola should have examined more closely, especially with the universe laughing at her with this crush.

Speaking of Charlotte though, Nicola climbed the steps into Bentley, Oduwole and Sachdeva on Beaumont Street, as her daughter descended the airy stairwell from her attic office, beaming at Millie by her side. Look at her. Despite the world, despite Nicola not embracing her coming out, look how happy she was.

Charlotte wore a smart, tailored, green dress. The girl could look so beautiful and presentable. She just needed to pull her shoulders back, that’s all. Next to her came shorter, curvy Millie in a polo top and stretchy jeans, likely popping in from working a physio session at a GP surgery further down the street.

Nicola shrugged off her nagging doubts.

“Darling,” she projected into the hallway as she strode inside.

“Mum!”

Ah, the look of horror on her daughter’s face. Big brown eyes wide, mouth open, waves of hair flying.

She was familiar with that look, and Nicola would brazen it out as always. It’s not like Charlotte did it on purpose. Her daughter couldn’t hide an emotion to save her life. Oh lord. Literally it seemed. Charlotte stumbled down the last step, long limbs everywhere.

The couple flinched, alarmed at the potential fall, then breathed a sigh of relief when Charlotte righted herself.

“You silly thing,” Millie said, gently.

An indulgent smile softened Millie’s face, and she held Charlotte’s hand to steady her. Not the brazen blonde bombshell this morning, and clearly more tender and nuanced when only the two of them.

Then the short woman with curves and attitude seemed to fill up with her usual chutzpa and swaggered over.

“Whatcha, Nicola,” Millie said.

There she was. That was the Millie Banks Nicola recognised.

“Good morning, Millie.”

It was difficult not to smile at the woman, who was so powerfully flirty and sexual and owned it, and who tore through men at college. Nicola could relate to a woman who took the world by the balls. She’d admired both Millie’s appetite and attitude, except she knew Millie would break her daughter’s heart at college. And predictably she had.

But here they were, years later, Charlotte and Millie in love and supporting each other. And while Nicola had reservations, their relationship showed no signs of breaking.

“Where are you two off to?” Nicola said.

A startled look came from Charlotte.

“Appointment!” she blurted.

Just as Millie nonchalantly said, “Lunch.”

The two looked at each other, then tried again.

“I mean lunch.”

“Appointment.”

It was typical of Charlotte not to know whether she was coming or going. But Millie?

The short blonde shrugged. “Lunch appointment.”

“How lovely for you,” Nicola said towards Charlotte. “And if your workload permits, how about lunch with me soon?”

More startled looks from Charlotte. Just utter horror, clearly, at the thought of spending time with her mother.

Yes, Nicola appreciated that she’d ambushed her, but it seemed the only way to spend time together these days.

Charlotte wriggled out of video calls with Nicola and sister Bryony. And Bryony did go on about husband Mark and the kids. Nicola saw Charlotte losing the will to live in her corner of the screen. But there were familial ties and obligations. Nicola enjoyed the kids’ news. And if Mark's only purpose in life was to keep Bryony happy, then Nicola was prepared to hear the spiel, tap ‘like’ on social media, and leave an encouraging comment. It wasn't a lot to ask of her and Charlotte.

Except guilt nagged at Nicola again. How much of that was her fault?

Charlotte drew herself up. “Erm...Of course. That would be lovely.”

It was forced to start with, Charlotte stuttering to recover. Then Charlotte's eyebrows rose in the middle, a smile flickered, pink flushed on her cheeks and brought out the beautiful scatter of freckles. As if she’d enjoy seeing Nicola, even though their relationship remained fraught with issues.

Ah, break her heart, why don’t you. The promise got Nicola every time. That glimpse of a love she once had. Why she never stopped trying. Even though she always failed, with understanding and respect coming too late for them.

“Yes,” Charlotte said again. “We should set that up.”

“Marvellous,” Nicola replied. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“Excellent.”

***

Geeta could see the defensiveness in Nicola now as she watched the two tall women in the entrance to Bentley. They were so similar in stature but completely different in nature, Nicola with her shoulders squared and chin aloft, Charlotte stooping a little.

Charlotte spoke with the same RP accent as Nicola, that marked them as upper-middle class. She wore the same styling of classic clothes too, Charlotte in a tailored dress today and Nicola in a designer trouser suit. But Nicola owned the image, while Charlotte floundered, as if not fitting the mould. She had a goofiness and honesty that subverted it, which always endeared Charlotte to Geeta.

In fact, she wondered if the pair were so different, that they hardly understood each other. Like Olivia and her over the years, gears never quite catching and moving together, instead grinding through life.

Her heart originally went out to Charlotte when she realised her queerness wasn’t supported at home. But now a sympathy with Nicola kindled too. That arrogance, with sharp eyes and knowing smile, which Nicola must wield in court, was defensive here and prickly like a cat. As if she couldn’t quite reach out with open arms because she knew she’d be rejected, so it came out abrupt and dismissive instead.

Perhaps she wouldn’t have noticed it before, but she understood Nicola better now.

“Geeta?”

Charlotte loped towards her. Oh no. That big Charlotte sunshine smile beamed as she approached. Geeta welcomed it usually from her friend and colleague, but with Nicola close by and clearly vulnerable, it was terrible timing.

She sensed a chill from the barrister, maybe not aimed at her this time, but hardening at the situation. Had it always been this way?

“Yes, Charlotte?”

“I’m out for a couple of hours. It’s marked in my calendar, but in case anyone asks.”

“Of course. See you later.” Geeta kept it light, as if she hadn’t noticed all the tensions crackling in the hallway.

Charlotte and Millie left, and for a moment it was just Nicola in the hallway and Geeta at reception. Nicola looked towards her, a complicated expression on her face, full of so many things that Geeta couldn't begin to make it out.

She was about to say hello, but someone else got there first.

“Nicola!” came a voice through the front doors.

The barrister spun on her heel, and the atmosphere charged instantly. It was like she powered up her undisputable assurance and made every single feature work for her, from the height, through distinguished bands of grey, to the stars of laughter lines around her eyes that made her sparkle.

Two young barristers joined Nicola, a tall blond with an eager smile, and a shorter colleague. Geeta almost laughed because the air burst with idolisation.

“Are you two ready?” Nicola said, friendly and eager to work. “This is a good opportunity to take on more complex cases.”

They nodded, keen, stepping closer, and the three slipped into serious lawyer conversation that Nicola clearly thrived on.

Wow. Look at her. Nicola exuded sex appeal with her authority and quickness of mind, and the other lawyers clung captivated by her words. Whether a quirk from defined eyebrows, or the pleasing sweep of cheekbone and jaw, or a flash of those brilliant eyes that didn’t miss a thing, everything about her said intelligence, acumen and excellence.

Geeta watched intrigued, rarely catching Nicola in this context, as the respected barrister with colleagues. And these two obviously admired her. Did that admiration spill into more? Well, maybe, and Geeta couldn’t blame them. Nicola welcomed the pair with obvious support and receiving that from an eminent barrister could spin someone’s head.

Did Nicola encourage more than that? Flirt like Geeta had seen with others? Actually no. Her body language remained respectful.

They all laughed suddenly.

“That’s an excellent point,” Nicola said. And the blond grew with the approval.

Yes, definitely hero worship. And Geeta clearly wasn’t the only one to appreciate Nicola’s sex appeal.

“Shall we begin?” Nicola said.

And all three turned for the stairs with Nicola at the centre, no longer the prickly cat from before, but the lioness of the pride.

“Go ahead a moment,” Nicola commanded.

Nicola hung back as the others climbed the stairs, then she looked over her shoulder, and those sharp blue eyes met Geeta’s.

Like a beam of charisma, Nicola’s potent energy focused entirely on Geeta, and she heated under that gaze. Everything those colleagues craved in the senior barrister, but Nicola kept back with professional respect, was suddenly unleashed, as if she used all its potential on Geeta.

“Good morning,” the barrister purred.

Ooooh. That hit places she wasn’t prepared for. Unexpected. Actually it took her breath away. And she smiled, enjoying the silky warmth it elicited.

“Morning, Nicola,” Geeta replied with the same attitude.

Nicola paused, thoughtful a moment, then turned up the stairs, and Geeta watched her the whole way, stride after powerful stride.

She chuckled to herself and sat up straighter.

This was definitely becoming a thing for her, wasn’t it. Appreciating Nicola Albright. Feeling an attraction rather than simply seeing her as attractive. She inhaled sharply at the realisation. There were blurry lines between these things, but that glow said she was skipping over one.

Every time they’d met recently, something piqued her interest. The striding. The watch. The boldness mixed with the flirtatious. The compliments that mellowed her inside. That hint that Nicola wasn’t invulnerable, human after all, but also so definitely and defiantly strong. That was a combination that had Geeta intrigued and heart pumping.

She hadn’t felt like that about a woman before. Not this much. She blushed. Something new about herself then.

She should stop this though. Just because she acknowledged Nicola’s sex appeal didn’t mean she should indulge the inclination. In fact, Nicola was the last person she should admire. The feeling would not be mutual. Imagine if Nicola knew.

“Oof. Not good.” She laughed to herself.

Geeta listened for Nicola over the afternoon, knowing she shouldn’t dwell, but doing so anyway. She turned back to her work with more energy, and glanced up with every footstep, unable to resist checking for the barrister.

It was late and the office shutting down by the time she checked a last document. She gazed down at a printout to proofread for Liz.

Then footsteps. Geeta paused without looking up and listened, alert. She knew that sound for certain this time. Undisputable. There was a way that Nicola strode down stairs so that Geeta pictured exactly how she looked before lifting her head, and she perked up hearing it, irritation long gone, and a keenness shivering up her spine instead.

Stop it.

She looked up.

Chin aloft. Locks flowing. Dark trouser suit immaculate in cut and material. Nicola strode towards her, with a beaming smile, under which Geeta warmed.

“Geeta. I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to give you this.” The barrister strolled behind the reception desk. “Is it alright if I perch here?”

“Of course.”

Please do.

Nicola sat on the corner of the desk, one leg bent towards Geeta over the surface, the other straight, the toned thigh apparent beneath luxurious trouser material, so much that Geeta was tempted to reach out and stroke down her thigh to appreciate the firmness. Did Nicola do this to people on purpose? Because she looked magnificent. Her whole body was tactile temptation, from the soft luxury of the suit to the woman beneath.

“Olivia has an article in the latest Law Society Gazette ,” Nicola said. “I’ve printed off a copy.”

Geeta sat up straighter to pay attention.

Nicola handed over a page with a photo of Olivia by a multipaned window in her office upstairs, looking intelligent, capable and serious, always. Geeta had to laugh. Even from two years old, her daughter spotted nonsense. The look she gave people who tried to ‘steal her nose’.

“It’s an excellent article,” Nicola continued. “Very persuasive. I was going to congratulate her, but wondered if you’d like to first.”

“Oh.”

Geeta looked at Nicola, both puzzled and pleased. She took the printout from her hand, as Nicola watched with a gentle thoughtfulness in those clever eyes.

Did Nicola know that compliments wore thin with Olivia, blending into fact and higher expectation of her, if she heard them too often. And if Nicola told her, then a compliment from Geeta would mean nothing? Whether Nicola realised it or not, this was incredibly thoughtful.

“Thank you.” Geeta held the article precious in her hand. “I’ll read it as soon as I get home.”

“It’s an accessible piece.” Nicola waved. “Someone intelligent like you will find it an easy read and Olivia always writes well.”

Geeta paused, again, this time at the double compliment to her and Olivia.

“I appreciate this,” Geeta said.

“It’s nothing.” Nicola dismissed the gesture and got up to leave.

It wasn’t nothing at all. They’d definitely established a truce recently and come a long way, especially to ask what occurred to her next.

“Nicola?”

The barrister hesitated.

“Would you like to come round for lunch tomorrow?”

“Because we’re friends now?” Nicola tilted her head, the play almost flirty.

“Yes.” Geeta grinned. Why not take this new friendship out for a spin.

“I’d love it. Should I bring something? Drinks? Dessert?”

“If you want. I’m doing a simple roast, putting on music and relaxing. I've family round on Sunday, but Saturday’s all to myself on my birthday.”

“Then,” Nicola strode back, “let me take you out for lunch!” She leant on the reception divider, tall and tantalising, but leaning close and intimate. “You mustn’t cook on your birthday.”

It was almost a command, in that velvet voice Nicola used when playful – definitely part of her mature sex appeal. But mature Geeta also knew how to stand her ground.

“But I want to,” Geeta replied, matching the lean and husky voice. “You cooked lunch last weekend, bought breakfast on Monday, and I want to repay you.”

“Not on your birthday though,” Nicola insisted, with such low tones and sensuality, it was like licking cream.

Geeta smiled. Yes, she was susceptible to those tones, but she wasn’t a youthful star-struck barrister, and she leaned closer.

“But I will,” she said. “And you will do as you’re told on my birthday.”

Nicola’s eyes flashed. She licked her lips, as if she’d found something to savour. She slowly straightened tall again, eyes considering Geeta up and down.

“If you insist. It would be a...pleasure,” she purred. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And she turned on her heel and strode out the door.

Geeta swung back and forth in her chair. Well, that was fun and satisfying. Actually, she was grinning far too much.

“Was that Albright KC?” came from behind.

Geeta spun round to find Liz Oduwole. The office manager leant against the doorway, eyes wide and arms crossed.

“It was,” Geeta said. Still grinning. Damn it.

“She sounded friendly.” Liz rumbled suspicion and innuendo into that short sentence.

“I know.” Geeta wrinkled her nose, surprised. “She was being considerate too.”

“Hmm.”

“You know, she’s all right. Sometimes."

Liz chuckled. “ Sometimes , she saves our arses here at Bentley. So I’m all for keeping Nicola Albright friendly.”

Geeta followed Nicola’s movement through the side window, and the eminent barrister smiled back at her. Like a powerful cat. Like a lion about to pounce on her, so they could maul each other in a very good way.

Oh my god, enough of that. There was acknowledging Nicola was sexy, then there was dreaming of being pounced on. Bugger, she was grinning again.