Page 147 of Discordant Cultivation

I’m glad he noticed. He cares enough to help me stop hurting myself.

Kieran didn’t mind the enforced protection. His nails were actually growing back for the first time in weeks, little white crescents appearing where there had been only bloody stumps and inflamed cuticles. It was evidence of healing, proof his body could recover from the damage he’d been inflicting on it.

The bedroom door opened and Kieran looked up to find Vale carrying a tray with lunch and what looked like mail.

“How are you feeling?” Vale asked, settling the tray on the nightstand before sitting on the edge of the bed. His attention immediately went to Kieran’s face, probably searching for signs of fatigue or stress that might indicate another seizure building.

“B-bored out of my fucking m-mind,” Kieran said, but without any heat. “I’ve written three songs, reorganized your bookshelf, and I’m p-pretty sure I’ve memorized every p-pattern in the wallpaper.”

Vale’s smile was soft, like he was genuinely amused rather than condescending. “Boredom is a good sign. It means your brain is functioning normally.”

“I f-feel fine,” Kieran said, the same argument he’d been making for days. “B-better than fine. I don’t understand why I c-can’t at least do some recording, m-maybe work on the Jericho duet—”

“No.” The word was gentle but final. “Dr. Henley was very clear about the timeline. Two more days, then we reassess.”

Two more days of rest. Two more days of him taking care of me because he loves me.

But even as frustration built in his chest, Kieran leaned into Vale’s touch as his hand settled on his forehead to check for a fever.

“What’s this?” Vale asked, nodding toward the open notebook where Kieran’s latest attempt at lyrics was scattered across the page in increasingly frustrated handwriting.

Heat rose in Kieran’s cheeks. “N-nothing. Just—trying to work through some stuff. It’s n-not good.”

Vale’s eyes moved over the visible lines of the chord progression, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “May I?” he asked, gesturing toward the guitar.

Kieran handed it over and watched as Vale’s fingers found the chord progression he’d been struggling with. The melody rang clear, simple and effective, just how he wanted it.

“It’s beautiful,” Vale said softly. “What’s the chorus?”

“That’s the p-problem.” Kieran’s voice was thick with frustration. “Every time I try to sing it, I—the words aren’t right, b-but I can’t figure out what they should b-be.”

Vale’s fingers continued moving over the strings, playing variations on the theme while his attention settled on Kieran’s obvious distress.

“Sing what you have,” he said finally. “Don’t worry about getting stuck. Just let me hear what you’re trying to express.”

Kieran closed his eyes and let the melody carry him, voice soft and uncertain as he attempted the chorus eluding him for hours:

“Swallow it down, the learned surrender,

Hollow it out, the heart defenders.

Drown out all the self-deceiving,

Maybe I can believe what you’re believing.

Wedding bells—”

His voice cut off abruptly, not with a stutter, but complete vocal paralysis. His mouth moved soundlessly, his jaw working without producing anything, like his entire vocal apparatus froze mid-word.

Fuck. Not even singing helps when the emotion’s this big.

“What comes next?” Vale asked, but Kieran was already shaking his head in frustration.

“I c-can’t—” Kieran tried again, mouth moving without sound before giving up entirely, his hands fluttering in frustration. “That’s the fucking p-problem. The words just—they l-lock up my whole mouth. And it’s n-not even complex, just some b-basic song that doesn’t m-mean anything—”

“Hey.” Vale set the guitar aside. “It’s not stupid. And it does mean something, or you wouldn’t be struggling so hard to get it right.”

Vale was quiet for a moment, studying Kieran’s face with that focused attention missing nothing. “Maybe it would help to see how people are actually responding to what happened. The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive, and I know how much you like interacting with your fans.”