Page 130 of Discordant Cultivation

“I was j-just—the song needed—” Kieran tried to explain, but Vale’s expression silenced him mid-sentence.

Moving closer, Vale watched Kieran try to back away. But there was nowhere to go, concrete wall against his spine and Vale’s presence filling the space between them.

“Do you know what I found when I came down here?” Vale kept his voice quiet. “You, bleeding and dissociated, with wounds that could have been serious. No one monitoring your vitals, no one ensuring you didn’t go too far.”

“I’m s-sorry, I didn’t think—”

“No. You didn’t think.” Vale’s fingers hooked under his collar. “You didn’t think about what would happen if you’d kept going. What would happen if I’d lost you to your own stupidity.”

The fear was returning to Kieran’s eyes, clarity bringing with it the understanding that he’d crossed a line he hadn’t even known existed.

There it is. The recognition that you belong to me, not to your impulses.

“I control everything, Kieran. When you eat, when you sleep, when you perform, when you hurt. You don’t get to choose pain without my permission.”

“Vale, p-please—”

“What if you’d died?” The question exploded out of him with force that made Kieran flinch back against the wall. Vale’s voice cracked on the last word, something raw and desperate bleeding through his control. His other hand slammed against the concrete beside Kieran’s head, startling him into genuine terror. But the fear in those eyes wasn’t enough—not nearly enough.

“Do you understand what you put me through?” Vale’s voice broke completely, tears threatening at the edges of his vision. “Do you understand what you ARE to me? You’re not just—you’re not—”

He grabbed Kieran’s shoulders, his fingers pressing into the fresh bruises hard enough to make him gasp. The pain was immediate, sharp, a reminder of what he’d done to himself without permission.

“I thought I’d lost you,” Vale continued, his grip tightening as Kieran tried to pull away. “I thought I’d lost the most beautiful thing I’ve ever found because you were too…too fucking selfish to think about what your death would do to me.”

I love you, you stupid, broken boy. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything, and you nearly destroyed yourself while I wasn’t watching. You’re the first person I’ve ever felt this for,and you don’t get to take that away from me by dying alone in my basement.

Kieran shrank against the wall, tears streaming down his face as Vale’s fingers found every tender spot, every place where his body had paid the price for independent artistry. “I’m s-sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean—”

Sorry isn’t enough. Sorry doesn’t guarantee this won’t happen again.

Vale watched Kieran’s hands move to his mouth, teeth finding what remained of his already destroyed nails—the same self-destructive impulse that had led him down here in the first place. Without thinking, Vale caught his hands, squeezing the damaged knuckles hard enough to make Kieran cry out.

“Stop,” Vale said, voice deadly quiet. “Stop hurting yourself.”

“You’re h-hurting me,” Kieran gasped, trying to pull away.

“Good.” The word came out fierce, honest, stripped of all pretense. “I do everything for you because I love you. Because I want to protect you. And you need to fucking embrace that instead of running into the dark to bleed alone.”

I control your pain because I love you. I guide your destruction because I love you. I will hurt you myself before I let you die without me.

Vale’s grip intensified, watching Kieran’s face crumple. “There is no Thorn without me,” he said, gentler but no less threatening. “Your artistry, your breakthroughs, your ability to transform pain into beauty—it all flows through me. You are mine, Kieran. And mine doesn’t get to choose death without permission.”

“I’m s-sorry,” Kieran gasped, still trying to pull his hands free from Vale’s punishing grip. “I’m sorry, p-please—”

“I don’t think you understand yet.” Vale’s fingers tightened around the damaged knuckles.

Kieran’s knees buckled, but Vale held his hands fast, forcing him to sink down awkwardly as the pain became too muchto bear standing. “I’m s-sorry, you’re right, I’m so s-sorry,” Kieran sobbed, words tumbling over each other in desperate succession. “I j-just wanted to make you proud of me, p-please don’t be mad, we can do it over, let’s d-do it your way—”

Vale released his hands, watching as Kieran collapsed fully to the concrete floor, wrapping his arms around himself in a protective huddle. The apologies kept coming, broken and desperate, mixed with tears and gasping breaths that made his whole body shake as Vale crouched down beside him

Kieran’s forehead pressed against Vale’s knee, his chest heaving as he sobbed. The quality of his apologies began to change—less frantic, more devastated. More honest.

“I c-can’t do it without you,” Kieran whispered, the words barely audible. “I th-thought I could but I can’t. The song only worked because I used your m-methods. I need you.”

Vale’s breath caught. This wasn’t the same fear-driven submission as before. This was something else.

“Not j-just for the music,” Kieran continued, voice breaking. “For... everything. I c-can’t—I don’t know who I am.”