Page 119 of Discordant Cultivation

Kieran swallowed hard. “I—they’re just th-thoughts I can’t control. Intrusive thoughts.”

“Intrusive thoughts?”

“Yes.” Kieran felt desperate to make him understand. “Sometimes my b-brain just—it thinks things I d-don’t actually want. Because of everything that happened. In the b-basement. It’s just—it’s damage. Not real f-feelings.”

Vale’s thumb pressed slightly harder against Kieran’s pulse point. “Oh, sweetheart. You really don’t understand yourself yet, do you?”

The condescension in his tone made Kieran’s stomach drop.

“They’re not intrusive thoughts,” Vale continued in the way one might explain something obvious to a child. “You’re just afraid to admit what you actually want. That’s normal. Expected, even.”

No.

“They c-can’t be real,” Kieran whispered. “B-b-because the things in those lyrics—th-hat’s lesson stuff. And I d-don’t w-want that lesson.” He gestured vaguely between them. “This….wh-what w-we have now is fine.”

Vale’s smile was indulgent, almost pitying. “Kieran. Sweetheart. You’ve built this artificial wall in your mind. Kissing is ‘safe,’ anything more is ‘lessons.’ But that’s just fear talking. Your body knows what it wants even when your mind is too scared to accept it.”

Kieran shook his head, as if he could will Vale’s words out of his head.Please stop, I don’t want to talk about this.

“I could help you finish it,” Vale offered, almost nonchalantly. But Kieran could hear the hunger in his tone beneath the gentle delivery. “This fragment has incredible potential, but it needs authentic experience to become complete. Real exploration of what it means when desire and fear become indistinguishable.”

The suggestion hit Kieran like ice water. Vale was offering another lesson—a lesson in intimacy, the final boundary crossed under the guise of artistic development and helping Kieran “understand himself.”

“No.” The word came out sharp, defensive. “N-no, I don’t n-need help with that one.”

“Are you sure? Or are you just afraid to admit you’ve been thinking about how beautiful we can be together?”

Kieran just kept shaking his head.I don’t want to talk about this. Please stop. Please drop it.

“This could be your most powerful work,” Vale continued. “Raw and honest, exactly the kind of authenticity that separates true artists from people who just play music. And I can help you access that. I can show you that what you think of as ‘lesson territory’ is just affection you haven’t learned to accept yet.”

He’s not offering. He’s telling me this is going to happen.

“I’m sure,” Kieran whispered, though the words shook with effort.

Vale studied his face for a long moment, his expression patient but knowing. Like someone watching a child refuse vegetables—indulgent because he knew Kieran would eventually take a bite.

“Alright. We’ll revisit this conversation,” Vale said, and it wasn’t a suggestion. “When you’re ready to stop lying to yourself about what those lyrics really mean.”

Kieran wanted to argue, to insist Vale was wrong. But the gentle certainty in Vale’s voice made him wonder—just for a moment—if maybe he was right.

The thought was terrifying.

Two hours later, Kieran sat rigid on the living room couch, Vale’s laptop balanced on his knees while Vale adjusted camera angles for their upcoming interview. The promotional materials were already circulating—Thorn’s debut full-length album, featuring viral hits alongside exclusive new tracks.

A whole album. Like I’m a real artist.

His mind kept circling back to the notebook, to Vale’s gentle insistence that Kieran’s thoughts weren’t broken. The categorization felt wrong now, uncertain in ways that made his chest tight with anxiety.

Kissing was safe. He liked kissing Vale, even when it was a little too rough. Anything more meant the basement.

But what if Vale was right? What if wanting intimacy didn’t have to mean wanting pain?

“Before we go live,” Vale said, settling beside him, “I want you to see something. There’s been a significant response to your performance with Jericho.”

The laptop screen filled with a reaction channel—two enthusiastic hosts with professional lighting. The video was titled “THORN’S SHOCKING INDUSTRY DEBUT - BLOOD, BEAUTY & BROKEN GLASS.”

The reaction video started with clips building anticipation before revealing the main event. Kieran watched himself move through the venue, saw the way cameras captured his interaction with Jericho.