Page 104 of Discordant Cultivation

The words settled into Kieran’s chest like validation and damnation. This was what Vale had been teaching him all along—not just how to perform, but how to need the performance. How to transform pain into purpose or else drown in the horror of meaningless suffering.

I can’t just hurt anymore. I need it to mean something. I need it to create something. I need—

“But first,” Vale said, his voice lowering into something quieter, more serious, “we need to talk about why this happened.”

Kieran’s stomach dropped. The gentle hand in his hair suddenly felt less like comfort and more like warning.

“Why did you leave the bar, Kieran?”

The question was soft, almost conversational, but Kieran heard the steel underneath. His mouth went dry.

“I— I was having a panic attack. The crowd, the noise, I c-couldn’t—and Vander—”

“He led you away?” Vale asked, still gentle. Still dangerous. “Vander Moss. The guitarist mentored by Nox. From Two Suns Studio.”

Oh no.

“The same studio,” Vale continued, “that I explicitly warned you about. What were my exact words, Kieran?”

Kieran’s voice came out barely above a whisper. “Stay cl-close to you around people fr-from Two Suns.”

“Stay close,” Vale repeated. “Not go off with them to a private room. Not accept drinks and cigarettes and let your guard down.”

“He was h-helping—”

“Was he?” Vale’s grip in Kieran’s hair tightened. “Or did he deliver you exactly where Nox wanted you? Alone. Vulnerable. With alcohol in your system to slow your reflexes.”

No. Vander was kind. Vander understood panic attacks. He wouldn’t—

“He left you here,” Vale said, reading Kieran’s expression. “Alone. Because that’s what people do, Kieran. They take what they want from you and they leave you to deal with the consequences.”

Kieran couldn’t respond, he couldn’t even argue, because it was true. Vanderhadleft. And Kieran had been too slow, too compliant, too fucking broken to protect himself.

“But before that,” Vale said, voice dropping even lower, “before Vander and Nox and the green room—I gave you a simple command. Do you remember?”

Eyes forward. Don’t move. Stay here.

In that basement voice. The tone that meant absolute obedience, no exceptions, no excuses. The command Kieran’s body had been trained to follow without question.

“I was p-panicking—”

“And if you had stayed where I put you, you would have panicked safely. At the bar. Where I could see you. Where I could get back to you in seconds.” Vale’s hand slid from Kieran’s hair to his throat, his fingers resting over the fresh gauze wrapping. “But you left. You disobeyed. And what happened?”

Kieran’s eyes burned with tears he refused to let fall. His throat worked under Vale’s fingers, swallowing against a pressure that wasn’t there but crushed anyway.

“H-he tried t-t-to—”

“He tried to take advantage of you,” Vale agreed, his tone still terribly gentle. “Because you disobeyed. Because you went with someone I warned you about. Because you let your guard down in a private room with a predator. Because you didn’tlistento me.”

It’s my fault.The thought tasted like poison, but it settled into Kieran’s chest like truth. Vale had given him one command. One simple rule to keep him safe. And Kieran had broken it. He let panic over ride Vale’s authority and put himself in danger because he couldn’t just fucking listen.

“I’m sorry,” Kieran choked out, his tears finally spilling over. “I’m sorry, I should have stayed, I should have listened—”

“Shh.” Vale’s hand on his throat became a caress. “I know you’re sorry. But sorry doesn’t undo what happened. Sorry doesn’t erase the fact that I left you alone for a few minutes and you proved you can’t be trusted to keep yourself safe.”

He’s right. I can’t be trusted to keep myself safe. I need him and his supervision. I need his hand on me like a leash , because without it I’ll wander straight into danger.

“I was handling a situation that required my attention. You were safe at the bar. Protected. Visible. And I thought—” He paused, the hand on Kieran’s throat tightening fractionally. “I thought you understood by now that when I give you a command, I do it for a reason. That I know better than you do what will keep you safe.”