Page 56 of Dignity

I damned us both.

Maybe thisis my Purgatory, where I do my penance.

I’m almost afraid to ask. “How many others, then? Besides her? I want to know now and not be surprised by them.”

“Only you, me, and Shae. Shae only has me. If she ever wants someone else, she’ll end what I have with her, and that’s it, no going back.”

I have to let this simmer for a moment before I speak again. “What’s the plan for that?” I ask. “Herbuying a house here?”

“She wanted to buy one anyway, so this worked out. Eventually, we’ll put a gate in the fence. She’ll hire a company to empty the townhouse for her and then she’ll put it up for sale. The one here in Tallahassee,” he adds. “When we all come to Florida, I can cross between the houses without anyone knowing.”

“What’s your family going to say about this if it ever gets out?”

“My parents are gone,” he quietly says after a moment. “Lost Dad eight years ago and Mom four. Just me and my brother, Charles, and his wife, Tory, and their kids.”

And like that, my jealously dissolves as I process through to the other realities of what my absence has caused—more than enough solitary suffering for both of us to last a thousand lifetimes. “I-I’m so sorry.” If there’s anythingto knock jealousy clean out of one’s mind, it’s a heaping pile of hot, steaming guilt.

I should have been there for him.

He shouldn’t have gone through it alone.

“Thanks. I’m sorry about your mom.”

I swallow back a lump in my throat. “Thank you.”

“I almost called you then,” he finally says. “But I wasn’t sure if you’d even remember me.”

“I thought about you every day. I figured you probablyeither hated me or didn’t remember who I was.”

He kisses me again, slow and sweet. “I worked the debate you moderated between Chester and King,” he tells me. “I was off to your left side and made sure to stay behind your line of sight.”

Shocked, I stare at him. “What?” I won’t deny I’ve always looked for him in DC when I’ve seen Secret Service agents at events, or when I had to visit CapitolHill or the White House.

This smile holds no humor, just grim truth. “I went back to my room that night and cried myself to sleep.”

Trying to reconcile the self-made Hell I’ve been living in with the truth that this man was hurting as much as I was emotionally guts me. “I’m sorry.”

“Then never make me do it again, Kev.”

We stare into each other’s eyes. He’s once again persistently teasingme with one finger pressing, circling, but not breaching my rim.

“I won’t,” I whisper. “I promise.”

“Iloveyou. I’m in love with you and always have been. You’re first in my heart, but the heart’s not a finite pie. Get the jealousy out of your system and keep some perspective—you’re going to work for POTUS.”

“IfI can get her elected.”

“You will.” He studies me for a moment. “At the end ofthese two weeks, I’ll ask you a question, and you only get one chance to answer it.”

I nod.

“I’m also going to put you through Hell.”

“I know.” It can’t be worse than what I’ve put myself though for the past twenty years. I welcome a chance to endure and prove to him how I feel.

“Two weeks with me might have you hating me.” But his playful smile as returned, and he’s wiggling his finger inmy ass again, distracting me.

“What if they reassign you?”