Page 20 of Dignity

The thingI’ve spent myentireadult life working toward and building, the identity I’ve created around these lies I embedded in the dignified persona of Kevin Markos that viewers have watched for twenty years.

Gone.

And it was all one big fucking lie.

I honestly don’t know where to go from here except to Florida, to escape and…breathe.

We curl up together in my bed, and I cry again as she holds me.I have missed this with her. She’s not currently dating anyone, but I know she’s got a couple of friends with bennies. She’s too busy for a full-time relationship, and I don’t blame her. After what happened with me, she’s in no hurry to get remarried.

“Have you talked to your dad?” she asks after I calm myself again.

I snort. “Fuck, no. I’ll be shocked if I’m not disowned. I have as little contactwith him as possible. I haven’t actually laid eyes on him in person in well over a year.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard he’s turned into an even bigger asshole than he used to be. Losing his bid to be named House Speaker seemed to drive him into crazy territory. His staff is terrified of him, or so I’ve heard.”

“We still off the record?” I joke.

She pulls me closer where she’s spooned against my back.“This is Kev and Laur,” she says, soft resignation threading through her tone. “If I can’t publicly fight this for you, the least I can do is be the one person you can turn to in private.”

“I think his office is a crucible,” I tell her. “I’ve had others hint around that any intern who can survive a full House session in his office is nearly guaranteed a paid staffing position in any other congressionaloffice. His chief of staff has been with him for fifteen years now, and probably knows where the bodies are buried, so that’s why he stays. He’s the only person who can stand up to my father and back him down. He seems okay, but I’m not sure I totally trust him.”

“We talking about Kerry Shauster?” she asks.

“Yeah.” He’s a former combat vet, decorated, medical discharge with honors, and he endsup working for my dad. Either the guy’s a masochist, or, like I said, he knows where Dad’s bodies are buried and has leveraged that into a permanent position. “But you know my dad,” I continue. “Why would anyone of integritywantto work for him for this long?”

“People are strange?” she half-jokes.

“You gotthatright.”

I’m pretty sure I won’t sleep, but I realize I’m dozing off with her comfortingwarmth spooned against me. In the dark, I find one of her hands and gently squeeze.

“Thank you, Laur.”

I feel her sigh along the nape of my neck. She’s dressed in a T-shirt and panties, and I’m in boxers, but nothing improper will happen tonight and we both know it.

“Kev, I love you,” she finally says. “I always will love you. Even if I can only stay in your life as your friend, please knowI’ll never betray your trust, just like I know you’d never betray mine.”

Great. Now I’m crying again. And that’s how I finally fall asleep, with her arms wrapped tightly around me and her comforting voice whispering to me.