Page 117 of Dignity

He’s genuinely afraid of being left behind, of no longerbeing important. His service life is coming to a close, nearly obsolete.

Worse?

Now heknowsit. It’s making him truly dangerous. Whether that danger is to himself or others remains to be seen.

The sad thing is that this is a completely self-inflicted situation.

Thissad, fractured human being is the man I allowed to scare me into walking away from the love of my life back in college?

Yup.

Well, shit.

The laugh burps free from me, unbidden. “Are you scared she’ll do a great job, Dad? A job you have zero hope of ever coming anywhere close to running for? Are you jealous that I’ve got the ear of the president, my office will be just down the hall from the Oval Office, and you can’t freakingstandher? Or, are you pissed off that I refuse to finagle you into her inner circle?”

“Youfuckingoweme! How dare you shut me out of this! I’m yourfather!”

“Then fuckingactlike it!” I scream back, startling me as much as him. “I don’t know what broke inside you when Marlene Samuels beat your ass in that election all those years ago, but get thefuckover it and over yourself, you miserable bastard.”

His eyes grow wide as he stares at me, stunned into silence, for once.

Thisis a watershed moment in my life.

A ringing doorbell.

Lauren, and a confession—sort of—that was long overdue.

Shae and Christopher—and a chance for a new life.

My father—the opportunity to finally break free from his rent-free mooching in my brain.

I’ve lost too much to this man already, and I’mdone. I’m soooo done with his bullshit and preening and posturing.

I’m no longer that ten-year-oldboy.

“Do you understand how much theyhateyou in Congress, Dad? Even other Republicans? They all think you’re an asshole. The joke most of them tell is that no one likes you, except the people who vote for you, and the only reason they vote for you is that they haven’tmetyou in person.”

His eyebrows rise even more, but I don’t relent. I’m pressing this advantage hard and far. “You’ve becomea bitter, vengeful man, and the stupid part is, I don’t understand why. Did you really hate losing to a woman that much when Marlene Samuels beat you? Or is it because Mom died? Because, I gotta say, you were an asshole even before then. You can’t keep a woman to save your life. The only good thing about working for you is that anyone who survives one session in your office can usually find a jobworking for anyone on the Hill. You’re argumentative and belligerent, even with people in your own party.”

When he speaks, I hold up a hand and plow ahead. “You’ve never been proud of me, or expressed pride in me being your son, until I finally landed a big show you assumed you could leverage to your advantage. I’ll be honest, Dad—you’ve never, not once, made me feel trulyloved.

“What’s worse?I wasted a lot of years struggling to chase your love and acceptance. It took me too many years to understand this, but I’m not the one who’s not good enough. It’s you—you’renot good enough, and you’ve spent your life making everyone else miserable, working to drag them down to your level.”

I cross my arms and stand there, waiting for the tirade I’m certain he’s about to unleash on me. But youknow what?

For the first time in my life, the prospect of being on the receiving end of one of his in-person verbal barrages doesn’t fill me with the vague terror ten-year-old me never forgot.

It doesn’t fill me withanything.

Well, I’m annoyed that my day’s been disrupted, and I’m pissed off he assumed he would sweep in here and lambaste me over doing my job.

I’m also slightly enraged thathe’s pissed off over my girl’s success.

That last one, though, I’m smart enough to keep to myself. I’ll share it later, with Chris, when we have a few moments alone.

I don’t dare tell Shae. I don’t need her nuking West Virginia. That’s generally frowned upon and could hurt her reelection chances.

Dad takes a moment to regroup. When he finally speaks, the venom drips from his tone. “Who thehelldo you think you’re talking to?”