Page 55 of Dignity

Racing through the rest of the cleanup, I head out and join him. I can’t deny sometimes I come out here at night, naked, and float on my back to stare at the stars and wish Christopher were here with me.

Who says dreams don’t come true?

This one has.

He swims up to me and Iwrap myself around him, arms and legs. His hands settle on my ass, squeezing, as he slants his mouth over mine again.

I’ve never been with another man. This is the only man I’ve ever been with, and I can truly say the only true love I’ve ever felt in my life. I love Lauren, but she’s my friend, my best friend. Looking back on what we had, even when I married her I married my friend, not my love.

There was never passion like this. Not on my part. I know that robbed Lauren of years she could have had with someone else, and it’ll always be my second biggest regret.

His fingers sneak between my cheeks, teasing, playing. I want him in my bed right now, but I have a feeling he’ll make me work for it.

Ihope.

Out of nowhere, the question bubbles up. “How did you get into my development?”One reason I bought this house was their stringent gate policy.

I watch him smile in the dark. “Shae bought a house.”

“She did?”

“Yeah.” He points at my back fence. “That one. Closed on it this morning.”

“So…where is she?”

“Oh, she’s in the air back to DC.” His gaze narrows. “I told her we needed this time alone together to sort stuff out. Plus she needs to get the ball rolling filling paperworkand setting up the committee and everything. She’s going to announce Sunday morning onMeet the Press.”

That’s right—there’sthathanging over my head, too. That Christopher has an existing claim on him. ShaeLynn Samuels isn’t merely my boss, she’s also competition for the man who’s been my missing higher power for two decades.

That’s when fear hits me. “She’s not going to say I’ve joined thecampaign yet, is she?” If she is, I need to call Lauren ASAP and tell her.

“No. that’ll wait until we’re back in Washington. Why?”

“Because there’s someone I need to tell first, before the news breaks.” Another thought pings in my brain. “What, exactly, do you have with her?”

“Who, Shae?”

I nod.

He meets my gaze head-on, I’ll give him credit for that. “We’re in a monogamous, down-low, sadist-with-benefitsrelationship.”

I struggle against the bitterness trying to worm its way in. “Funny, your dictionary must differ from mine.”

“Which word?”

“Monogamous.”

“The deal is, you get me, but what I have with her remains unchanged. I suggest you get used to that now, because you’re not exactly negotiating from a position of power. I don’t spend the night at her place. I don’t even see her every day.Sometimes, with work, I’m gone a week or more at a time. The day of your meltdown, I’d just returned after three weeks out of the country. She doesn’t come over to my place—I only go to hers.”

“And you expect me to work for her with youfuckingher?”

“Yes. You were married for fouryearsto Lauren, Kev. I’ve never been married. I went throughdecadesof loneliness and destroying every relationshipI tried to have, including a few platonic friendships, because of my anger and bitterness over losingyou. My relationship with her is the first relationship of any permanence I’ve had since we said goodbye in Daytona. So if you’re going to begrudge me this when Shae and I have been doing this for fouryears, you need to step back and realign your attitude. She has no problem with me sharing abed with you every night I’m home. You will have me far more than she does. Hell, you’ll get to spend more time with Shae than I do.”

“Aswork.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

I shove back the dark, roiling jealousy that wants to make its presence known. I know I have no right to feel like that in this moment. The onus to contact him was on me back then, and I walked away.